9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

Welcome @charja100....fully aware nobody wants to find themselves here but everyone is so kind and we’re all feeling similar things so it’s not a bad spot ☺️

That pressure sounds like a lot....would it help if people stopped asking? If so maybe you or your husband could have a gentle word. Congrats on the wedding and the house! And would definitely recommend tests I’ve just started mine

@BritInNZ I meant to ask did you start using the clear blue monitor? I think you mentioned a while ago you managed to get one from eBay (although ignore me if I am totally misremembering)?

@FlyOnTheWall89 I agree - her getting BFP after 9 months is definitely hope for us all. It's just mixed in with a lot of other emotions unfortunately, the loneliness really hit me when that happened.

@Carla2601 that's so interesting! It's such a weird position to be in isn't it? Can I ask how you're finding your relationship with her now? My friend has actually been really supportive, but to the point where she's sharing nothing and I've said to her I feel like I'm missing out on my best friends pregnancy. Yet I know if she shared things I would find it hard. She's 12 weeks now and so she must either have had a scan or be having one soon and she hasn't said, and just responds to other stuff whenever I ask. She says she knows the pain and I'm the one who needs more support. Which is really nice but it's just really complicated isn't it?

@charja100 welcome!!! I never thought I would get so much support and camaraderie from Mumsnet but here we are

Can I ask what tests everyone is getting? I am getting my progesterone tested again tomorrow as well as prolactin but that's all for now. I turn 35 this week (aaaahhhhh) and was hoping they would do more when that happens but it doesn't sound like it, although I'll see I guess.

@kmbegs amh test for sure, to check egg reserve. Whilst it doesn't tell you the quality of eggs, the amount really helps.
It gave me the PCOS diagnosis.
Also 21 day blood tests, to make sure you ovulate and accurately per month.

Hi guys, I tested positive for Covid last night, right before my ovulation day which is usually tomorrow. Urgh.

Tomorrow I am having a chat with the GP re bloods but now I will miss this cycle bloods anyway I guess.

@charja100 - oh the asking is so annoying and also naive and stupid and insensitive. Honestly just bite back and say it isn’t our choice that we are not pregnant yet. It’s the same with people asking when you’ll get married if you’re over the age of 28 and in a long relationship… it’s super presumptuous. I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Just know that they just don’t realise. Definitely get started with some tests to just begin to tick things off the list. The average is 8 months but yes, when they say come after 6 months for tests, it does make one feel like there MUST simply be a problem, regardless of age. I’m 32 and my boyfriend is 34 but I still feel like surely something must be wrong.

Chin up everyone and fingers crossed for some BFPs this month xxx

@BritInNZ Glad AF has finally arrived for you so you can crack on with this month :)

@FlyOnTheWall89 Oh no! Hope you're feeling OK .

Bit of a sad development for me, my bfp has evolved into a chemical. Tbh though I was really struggling with the shock last week and was feeling very down, so I feel like it's given me some perspective for the next time I (hopefully) get a bfp.

@LittleMysSister oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that.I had a chemical too and I didn’t even know it was a thing until I joined this forum. It is essentially a very early miscarriage so take it easy and be kind to yourself. It is such an emotional rollercoaster to go through within such a short space of time. Big hugs. X

Thanks @FlyOnTheWall89, me neither tbh. Took me a while to work out what everyone was referring to when talking about chemicals...now I know :|

Yeah it has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for sure. Hopefully if I am lucky enough to get a bfp again I will feel a bit calmer having been through it before now.

Oh @LittleMysSister I am so so sorry to hear that. I have had one too and I think because it’s so early you downplay it to yourself but actually that’s a very very real loss so be kind to yourself. I spoke to the nurse and she said it shouldn’t affect the next cycle and for me it didn’t (I mean I’m not pregnant but ovulation etc was still in line with expected timings) if that’s any small help at all info wise x

@kmbegs I think I’ve probably forced her hand, because she’s away and I can’t see her I sent her a mum to be hamper, card, gifts etc and now I pretend like nothings going on with me. Her situation was different, due to treatment her husband had for a serious illness they had IVF from the office and given everything they’ve been through I just feel like that’s the best approach for us. She’s like me she’s not a huge talker about problems (I’m weirdly way more comfortable here than with my friends/family etc). Aware that’s probably not useful sorry!!

@FlyOnTheWall89 fgs it never rains but it pours eh?! Hoping you don’t get symptoms and can just ‘relax’....everyone’s always telling us to do that right?! 😂🙈. Seriously though that’s frustrating and I’m sorry x

It's so hard. We've been trying since August last year, just had our first round of IVF and waiting to see if it was successful.

Even though you are young I would say you are doing the right thing getting the private tests. At 29 and 31 I think you would likely be pregnant by now if there is nothing going on, so it's worth doing all the tests if you can get them.

It's not a fun boat to be in but lke you say you have time on your side. Good luck.

Thanks @Carla2601, that's really helpful to know actually because I have been a bit unsure what to do in terms of whether I need to try and see a doctor or not - my feeling was probably not - so good to hear what the nurse said to you.

If it was easy to get an appointment I probably would go just to make sure but I can't even get through on the phone lately so don't think it's worth battling through just for them to confirm what is already pretty obvious. I have seen other people on threads say they were advised to retest when bleeding had stopped and take it from there.

@kmbegs it's still on its way to NZ - it's taking forever! It said it should arrive next week but we'll see! Also in terms of tests, I have a pelvic ultrasound, an AMH blood test and 21-day bloods to check ovulation (and a heap of other things) and my husband had a SA.

@LittleMysSister really sorry to hear that, you must be gutted. Hugs!

Ergh now Lucy Meck has announced she's pregnant again! WHY does it feel like everyone is getting pregnant all the time 😭 what I'd give to even get a sniff of a second line!! Can't believe we're now on 10 months, I really think there must be something wrong with me now (as we know husband is all good!)

@LittleMysSister this may well be TMI (and I think I was less far on than you). 4 days late and like a super heavy period and shorter in terms of number of days. If I’m really honest I think if I wasn’t TTC I’d have thought what an odd period and carried on. It happened that I had my smear booked and when I explained she said she’d wait for the smear (which I was glad about!) and to test ovulation but it might be a bit late or more likely not and mine was as normal. That might not be the same of course.

Sorry again, I hope you’re eating nice food, chilling out and watching your favourite tv tonight x

@BritInNZ I saw that re Lucy M and Rachel Riley had another baby....promptly stepped away from the side bar of shame and cracked on with work!

@Carla2601 Thanks for sharing, not TMI! :)

If I hadn't been late and tested, I'd just think this was a normal period for me too. I think I will really try and wait until I'm at least a week late to test if this ever happens again, if I had done that I would be none the wiser about what's happened here and it would have saved me a whole lot of emotional turmoil these last few days.

I guess I will get back on the OPKs but I think usually my ovulation would normally be next week (!) so I'm not sure I even want to get back on the horse so soon, quite honestly. Will see how it goes.

@BritInNZ thanks x

Yes a month off won’t change anything in the grand scheme of things (not that any of us feel that way I know) and it might help mentally which is just as important. I know what you mean, but it’s so hard not to test isn’t it. Might be worth tracking your ovulation even if you want a break just so you know where you’re at x

We're 15 months down the line with a mc inbetween, I don't even get my hopes uo anymore

@BritInNZ if it helps we don't know how long Lucy meck was trying for. When I hear pregnancy news I never think what the couple actually gone through.

Then I also look at things this way: some things in life we get easier than others. My friend got pregnant straight away and I'm so so envious, but then we have a house and they're renting a small flat. Of course for me baby is more important but im sure my friend would love to have a house to raise her baby in. She will get her house eventually it'll just take her time.

Another friend just split up with her partner and she's 34. She would love kids and I'm sure she will have her little family one day, it might just take her longer than she always thought it would.

When things would get hard I would just tell myself that everyone has their road to walk, and this is my road and I need to accept and learn to love my journey, even when it gets tough sometimes. X

It doesn't fully make the sadness go away but it would help a little when things would get too tough.

Good evening all. I am 37 and OH is 31 this month. TYC for 8 months with no success. SA done showing low testosterone but awaiting further results from OH tests. I’ve just had bloods taken today (next lot are 21 day bloods). I take multivitamins daily anyway but have reminded OH to take them daily too (he’s hit/miss as he forgets). Purchased pre seed and awaiting delivery of COq10. Anyone else in a similar situation? Baby dust blown to you all

Should say TTC not tyc

@Borolass84 I fell pregnant after 9 months -and it was the first month I started taking Cq10. It was extra strength though, 300mg. Could be a coincidence but I've researched and it's supposedly an amazing vitamin for the egg. I was giving one to my OH, too.
Good luck 🤞

@laurenGame ahh that’s reassuring thank you. Yes, I’ve bought 300mg tablets too. Never though of giving OH it as well so he can start when I start (he’s so easy going haha). I was trying to get as much information and help as possible. It starts with the egg was an interesting read also. Hopefully with this help and DTD a bit more as in before and after ovulation we may get there :)

@laurenGame what is Cq10?! Not that I’m desperate and try absolutely everything you see!!! 😂

@Borolass84 baby dust back to you too. Similar situation and also tried pre seed for the first time this month....a/f due Friday and no symptoms so I’m fairly sure it hasn’t worked this month. OH awaiting tests he has to collect the stuff on Wednesday, I’ve had my first set and second set will be a week today. It’s a tough thing isn’t it!