9 months TTC and losing hope

[BritInNZ]

Hi everyone

Anyone else nearing that year mark of TTC and just feeling down and wondering when/if it will happen?

DH and I had a private fertility appointment this month and AMH and SA all good - no obvious reason why we can't conceive. We have to keep trying until January when we hit that year mark and then have more investigations.

I KNOW it can take healthy couples up to a year but it's only 3 cycles away now and I feel like I'm at the stage I don't even hope for a BFP as I know it's not coming.

I just turned 29 and DH is 31, so I know we have some time but it doesn't help when you're wondering what's going wrong.

Currently CD1 so obviously feeling a bit meh anyway, so just looking to chat to others in the same boat as I feel alone and like everyone else gets pregnant quickly ☹️ also visiting in-laws this weekend and when we booked it at the start of the year I was hoping it would be a trip to give them some good news, so that's a bit heartbreaking too.

@kmbegs yes me too! I'd rather hold onto hope then AF shatter the dream rather than a white stick.

Ah keep it up! It's tough and exhausting so I get it but not too long to go! That's really crap timing, sorry about that... but if it's a positive month, what a bloody great present!! Fingers crossed for you 😊

@LittleMysSister that's quite alright, no upset here - just glad for your happy news 😊

That's crazy you didn't get a positive until 4 days late. Maybe there's hope for me yet 😂 I keep getting AF-type cramps and my boobs are agony now, so they're all typical PMS symptoms (I usually have REALLY sore boobs for the entire TWW which sucks).

Congratulations again and all the best for your pregnancy - and good luck hiding not drinking at your sisters wedding!! 😂

@Carla2601 @BritInNZ

Thanks, it means a lot :)

I honestly couldn't believe it, just goes to show you can't always rely on symptoms at all. It was such a huge shock to me, I really thought I'd at least have sore boobs or something.

I thought I'd just instinctively know before I took a test, but genuinely I had fully counted myself out this month and have been chatting to DP about when we should start looking into tests etc.

So any month can be our month I guess :) Keeping my fingers crossed that AF stays away for you BritInNZ, and everyone x

@LittleMysSister that’s really good to know - I always lose hope with no symptoms so at the very least I can try to be optimistic for a few days longer each month!

I’m guessing you probably won’t hang out on this thread too much longer but whilst you do keep us posted with how you get on

@BritInNZ I had my bloods this morning and the nurse had also had trouble ttc and she was so kind that I cried (not my finest hour....must work on resilience!!! 😂). Any update your side? X

@Carla2601 I was exactly the same, was always expecting to feel something different, especially the sore boobs as everyone mentions that.

So far all I have is a slight ache where I normally feel period pains, like a little bit of tightness.

I will definitely keep checking in as I would love to keep up with everyone's progress and see some bfps on here from you all :)

Any update @BritInNZ?

I think that is totally normal @Carla2601 - it is such an emotional journey and certainly makes me feel more fragile than I have done for a long time. Hope you get reassuring news from your bloods. My call with the doctor is next week, then hopefully I will go in for tests. x

@FlyOnTheWall89 thanks for making me feel a bit less insane. I literally can’t stop crying and I’m not a cryer! Oh that’s good. So work out when you need your blood tests and ask for both days (seemed to work for me anyway) and then cry on the nurse and she/he won’t just test for progesterone they’ll test for all the things 😂.

Good luck let us know how you get on

@Carla2601 @FlyOnTheWall89 okay so should have officially started AF a week ago. Just did another test and still BFN so definitely not pregnant, must be vaccine related!

Still got high temperature and really hot and painful boobs, so really hope AF just hurries the hell up 😭 just keep thinking how horrific this period is going to be if I'm already a week late 😩

@BritInNZ urgh I’m sorry! This sounds horrendous and also super confusing and stressful which is not what you need. I’m always checking back so hoping you’ll be sharing other news....sorry for asking so much feel like that’s probably adding to the pressure. It’s coming from a good place! ☺️. Hope you can have a chilled weekend x

@Carla2601 that's okay - it's nice to have people interested and asking what's going on! I'm not too stressed, just getting annoyed now. I just want my period to start and get it over with already, it's infuriating. There's not much point contacting my GP either as there's nothing they can do. I need a tablet that starts my period 😂 especially as my boobs are so sore, that's the worst bit! Hope you have a good weekend too 😊x

@BritInNZ oh that is cruel. So sorry you got another negative. I know how it feels and it doesn’t get easier or more easy to take. Now, most likely, unless you are way off on your ovulation, you can close this cycle and just focus on the next one. It will come when you least expect it and it will be wonderful and you’ll feel so so grateful because of this journey. Xxx

@FlyOnTheWall89 @Carla2601 great news/not great news - AF FINALLY ARRIVED! I actually let out a little cheer 😂 I'm going for a celebratory workout! Onto month 10 TTC - fingers crossed for November or December so we can cancel our fertility appointment in January... won't hold my breath though!

@BritInNZ onwards and upwards - still two shots before your appointment. Hope you're doing okay.

@kmbegs thank you. I caved and told my mum about it all this morning and she said it took her just over a year to fall pregnant with me and 8 months with my brother, which has made me feel a bit better. Maybe I'm just taking after her and it's taking a while - and that's okay, as long as it's still possible that's the main thing for me. Hope you're having a good weekend!

@BritInNZ that's great! It sounds like she was supportive and understood and I hope keeps that up and that makes things easier going forward. It also does make sense as to why it might be taking you a little longer and hopefully gives lots of hope that that's just how it is for some people. Meanwhile my mum has four children but only 'tried' for one and it happened immediately. So she tries to be supportive, she really does, but she doesn't get it.

@kmbegs to be fair I don't have a great relationship with my mum, she's very narcissistic and self centred, so I was surprised that she was so supportive. It helps I don't see her as she's still in the UK - we get on better now I'm the other side of the world 😂

Ah that's tough! Have any of your siblings had children? Did any of them take a while to conceive? What about any friends? I have lots of friends that it took a while for but they all have their own babies now so it's hard to put that on them when they're all so busy with newborns!

@BritInNZ oh I'm sorry to hear that, at least you have some distance then if you need it. None of my siblings have children yet, but they're younger and/or single so they've not tried and that's not on the cards. My best friend was on this journey with me but she conceived after 9 months. She's still really supportive and understanding but I found that rough and have since as felt suddenly very alone. I don't want to dampen her pregnancy by going on about TTC and also don't really want to speak to a pregnant person about how I'm feeling. It's hard! Other friends have all had an easy time, or a few months at most. Great for them - but makes it more difficult for me.

@BritInNZ urgh sorry AF finally arrived but at least it’s a fresh cycle now and the waiting is over.

I think it’s super reassuring to hear that from your mum - makes you feel like it’s more ‘normal’ - my mum took 3 years to get me but I haven’t yet confided in her re TTC at the mo. I know she will then be constantly wondering / worrying and fear she might put pressure on me to get ALL the examinations immediately.

I hope we get some positives on here soon! X

@kmbegs oh sorry that you’re now feeling alone. It is so tricky to feel ‘left behind’ and must have been really comforting to be there for one another and I can totally emphasise with how you feel rn. It is hard and it sucks. Equally, she finally got her positive, you will too - it’s just so annoying to have to wait so long for it. I’m trying to think only positive thoughts this month. It’s cycle 7 for me, feels like cycle 700 - time has become warped on this journey. X

Hey ladies,

AF arrived bang on time again. I'm unsure whether it's reassuring or frustrating that my cycles are so bloody regular! 😂

On to next month.

@BritInNZ ah I’m sorry/relieved to hear that for you. So frustrating as in spite of the tests you still
have that smidge of hope don’t you. Onto the next one.....surely it’s one of our turns soon! Glad you got some support, I’ve said zero to mine as I know her heart would break and I don’t want to do that to her. She has two grandchildren as my little bro has two girls.

@kmbegs I know just how you’re feeling. My best friend was with me too and now she’s pregnant and I miss calling her to moan about people’s smug announcements and who we were muting on insta this week and just generally having her as like you I don’t want to put a dampener so now I just talk all about her bump (she’s moved to the US) to her every week then have a good cry after.

Very grateful for you lovely gang on here x

So grateful for everyone on this group and being so supportive. It's nice to have people in the same position so we can all chat and share experiences! Hope you all have a good week and someone gets a BFP soon!

@BritInNZ @kmbegs @Frandler @FlyOnTheWall89 and other ladies whose post is I will read but haven't gotten to just yet as only just found this post. Hello all!

I'm month 9 TTC and I'm just feeling so rubbish. We are both 36, we got married in June and moved house in October and I really thought that by now we might have been lucky enough to be starting our little family. We've been using OPKs, and I was BBT testing at the beginning but I was struggling to test at the same time every morning so I've stopped that now.

I've just registered at out local doctors and plan to make an apt to start the ball rolling on having conversations and explorations into our fertility. It didn't feel right up until now as we had everything else to deal and I didn't rant it to ruin the exciting other life moments, but now I'm 36 I'm so worried that every month I'm just losing my chances of becoming a mummy.

Especially because we've just gotten married and moved into our new home everyone keeps asking when we're going to have a baby, and it's just piling on the pressure. I've been honest about how I desperately want a child, so they should realise that it's not my choice.

Whilst I wished none of us were here in this group... I was desperately looking for someone who might understand how I'm feeling and I'm really glad that I stumbled across this thread tonight

@charja100 so sorry you're having a hard time, it sucks - but there's a great group of ladies in this chat and we ALL get it!

It sounds like you've been doing everything you can. And as you're over 35 I definitely recommend speaking to your GP as soon as possible, just so you can get the ball rolling with some initial tests.

The pressure is really hard. Luckily not many people ask me about having a baby but we're also pretty open with people that we're trying and it's taking a while (I'm very keen on raising awareness that it's not easy for everyone!).

I really hope you get your BFP soon. It's such a hard thing to go through.

@BritInNZ thanks so much for your message. It's nice to be able to share how I'm feeling with people who get it.

I registered with the GP last week and plan to get an appointment ASAP to kick things off.

I hope we all get BFPs really soon. That would be the best Christmas present!