Ttc for what feels like an eternity? Then you've found your bus! No fertile unicorns here, only infertile donkeys!

[notyetamumbuttrying]

Buckling up our are usual riders...and their stats on the fertility/infertility train 🚂
@Annny27 29, no1 since June 19
@RobinRose 27, no1 since Oct 2019
@kerrym87 34 no1 since sept19

@Motherofkittens28 39 no 1 since aug19
@Yutes 34 no1 since aug19
@Crazydoglady123 32 no2 jan19, ivf in April21!
@Marvellouslymadmum 41 no3 since April 18
@Tofu35 35 no1 since sep19
@Hayley19835 38 no1 oct18
@Narwhal88 32, no1 since jun19
@Dogmum13 29 no1 since dec19
@SlothMamaToBe
@Theawkwardblonde no1 for 18 months
@CreativeThinkerTequilaDrinker 15 months ttc ivf in June, ov 8th April
@2020mission 33 no1 14 months ttc
@Sjhigs 37 no1 since sep18 ivf consult mid April
@crazycatlady1981 39 no1 since Oct18, ivf in May
@PeanutButterBrownies
@Juno231 33 no1 since jan20
@clolo 31 no1 since jun19
@Aimzie 28 no1 4 years NTNP 22 months ttc
And me 😊 35 in a matter of hours no1 since sep19, ivf may/June

Ugh I’m sorry about your friend being inconsiderate @Annny27. One of mine just had her lockdown baby, I’ve not been in touch yet.

Hope you’re feeling better @notyetamumbuttrying

Yeah my only “sign” so far @clolo is my body’s low progesterone/lack of ovulation (unclear which/if I’m ovulating) and vaguely irregular periods. They vary between 26-36 days but mostly 28. Pretty sure people without PCOS can have the same issues. Afc was 28/AMH 36, but I’m also nearly 38 so I’m assuming it was higher when I was younger.

Thanks for everyone's help/info on the higher Amh, seems quite a lot here have higher AMH but not many other symptoms, so hopefully it's nothing to worry about.

@Ashleighz88 yep we’ve got all the animal in this group, cats, dogs, donkeys, warthogs!! 🤣 (no unicorns though thankfully!) If I don’t have a baby soon I’m afraid I’m likely to just keep adopting more and more cats 😹

@notyetamumbuttrying yep lovely outdoor dinner! Hoping for more this week if the weather stays nice!

@Annny27 oh that’s horrible! Can’t believe your friend said that! 😡 so insensitive!
My hairdresser just told me she’s not reopening and closing her business completely because she’s pregnant again so not only is another person pregnant before me, I am also losing my hairdresser of 20 years and will have to find someone else to deal with my unruly hair!!! 😩

@thislittlebird I'm ok thanks 🙂 my amh is at the low end so can't comment on pcos.
@crazycatlady1981 gonna be nice today too and then all goes down hill at the weekend 👎🏾 wow quite extreme of your hairdresser to shut up shop completely because of having a baby! 20 years is a long time with one person doing your hair tho, that's longer than some marriages 😂 I can see why you're concerned about finding a new one! Hopefully she has some good recommendations for you ☺️

@Annny27 ouch to that unnecessary comment! I don't think people who aren't in our position understand though.

I woke up at 6am on front and rolled over and got such sharp pains this morning for about 45 mins. Had my scan though and I have ovulated as 3 follicles are gone. The three I’m left with are two around 4-5cm each and one haemorrhagic cyst again which is 6cm. I’ve got lots of blood and fluid again in my uterus and pouch of douglas. Consultant said after he doesn’t want to start me yet so I got really upset and he came and gave me a hug which is sweet of him. He understood how I felt delaying things and deliberated over a few different treatments protocols. He was thinking to start with not down regging me and just starting me off on stims when on my next bleed or whether to wait two weeks then start as we’d originally planned. Any how, he’s decided I’m going to start buserelin tomorrow and have a scan in 2-3 weeks. I don’t fully understand if that’s then stims after if all good and if it isn’t what happens then but at least it’s starting something right 🤷🏽‍♀️

@Crazydoglady123 if it helps that sounds kind of similar to my long protocol cycle, a couple weeks of just buserelin, then a scan and if all was quiet start the stims. I think they will put me on a short protocol next time which is starting stims on day 1 of your cycle I think.
I'm doing ok from the lap, I'm just super depressed and I've had some extra time of work to deal with it. I suffer with depression anyway and I think the combo of 20mnths ttc, failed ivf, my lap, a year of lockdown, and 8 months of really long stressful work hours has just tipped me over. I'm sure others feel the same but not being able to plan anything in my life is really getting to me. Hopefully my wedding will go ahead but it feels so up in the air and our honeymoon even more so and I'm struggling with that. I just want to start our next ivf round, I'm fed up with the uncertainty and waiting and it feels so much better once you are in a round. Sorry, lots of grumbling today!

@crazycatlady1981 how many cats do you have? I have three, which may have contributed to why I was single for so long lol! My OH is a dog person through and through but in the three years we have lived together he has totally fallen for my three fur babies!

@Motherofkittens28 yeah that's the same protocol I was planned for having. I'm really confused though as to start with I think he was saying giving me the buserelin will shrink the cyst but not switch off my ovary as much but then said if I'm on it too long it's more risky as I may need more stims to switch it back on. I assume we're planning on carrying on with long if the cysts are gone in two weeks.

That's understandable with what your dealing with. That's so much uncertainties on your plate atm. I struggle when I'm not in control of my life too and it's horrible not being able to plan! Don't apologies for ranting though. You do what you need to get it off your chest. We're all here for you and we all understand. Please try and keep your chin up lovely as things will get easier. Does your clinic offer counselling? Is it worth talking to someone who can help deal with your anxieties?

@Crazydoglady123 gosh what a palaver! Glad it's getting sorted though.

@Motherofkittens28 no need to apologise hun, I think we're all feeling the same! It's prob why I got in my funk as I just want to be in a round now. I hate standing still! Feels so wasteful as my egg reserves just diminish month after month 🥺

@Crazydoglady123 it's like a little
Consultant-off with the two trying to win you over! Sorry you didn't get the result you wanted at the scan but your consultant sounds lovely and it's really good that they're still starting something tomorrow ☺️

@Ashleighz88 ooh that's a mega amh!

@Annny27 so sorry about your insensitive friend, I feel like if someone had said that to me on a day where I was already having a wobble I may have just walked off before I punched them in the face 😂👊🏻

@Motherofkittens28 so sorry you're feeling like this at the moment, my partner suffers with anxiety and depression and it's so hard when he has low times to help him so I know nothing I can say with help but here for you amd any other ladies if you ever feel like you just want to off load or rant or whatever!

On the pet front I probably could call myself the crazy animal lady! I've currently got 2 dogs, 5 cats and 2 ponies but in the past I've had all sorts - mice, gerbils, hamsters, rats, a chipmunk, chinchilla, ferrets, Guinea pigs, rabbits, too many cats and dogs to ever name and a horse! Oh and an African great parrot that used to play with my cats 😂

@Marvellouslymadmum I think you need to add "and crazy animal lady" to the end of your username 🤣 that's some haul of pets!! I'm a massive scaredy cat so always been too scared for pets. I'm one of those ppl who will hide when a dog barks and jumps up. I can cope with cats as they tend to leave you alone. Dh used to have a dog before me and I know he'd love one again. Maybe one day once we have kids!! 🤪

@notyetamumbuttrying yes I may change it 😂 I've always been an animal lover ever since I was little and have just grown up
Around them, my sister is even worse and her partner is a head game keeper - they live on a kind of mini farm and have lots of dogs (gun dogs and guard dogs), cats, lambs, peacocks, ducks, then all different kinds of chicken, bantams and game birds 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm thinking of getting a llama or a goat for my back garden too 🙊

I'm so sorry @Annny27 about your ignorant friend! Tbh I just tell people straight now cause I can't stand it. The only awkward situation where I felt I couldn't was at work when my colleagues asked. Some of them are aware now but not all

Sorry you are struggling @notyetamumbuttrying I totally empathise with the "my eggs are diminishing by the 2nd" anxiety after my recent news!

@JandL2020 really relate, I am sorry you are finding it so tough as well.

And @Ashleighz88 sorry to hear of your struggles.

I'm feeling in a very dark and lonely place with it all atm, really struggling to get my head around maybe I won't be able to have a biological child. My fiancée being brilliant and supportive and joking, "we'll just have lots of puppies," I'm also very much an animal person @crazycatlady1981 @Crazydoglady123 @Marvellouslymadmum and planning to add chickens and ducks and guine pigs to our menagerie. We had a horse until recently! That's also a sad story.

I can't find it in myself to feel happy for other people having babies etc. I'm finding life is just a tremendous struggle atm.

I'm afraid still no AMH number for me. What I have noticed is my LH is low alongside my high FSH. Not sure what that indicates?

I've started acupuncture (had 3 sessions now) and getting very odd symptoms this month, including extreme "ovulation" amd other mid cycle pain, and really extreme temperatures!

And @Motherofkittens28 sorry I forgot to tag!

@Marvellouslymadmum wow!! A llama would be amazing! My friends mum has llamas 🦙 or maybe alpacas at the back of her garden as it backs onto a field. I obviously don't go near them when I go round 😂

@MIW01 bloody horrible isn't it!!
Interesting on your pains, have you looked into endometriosis before?

@notyetamumbuttrying it's jist so devastating when you feel like you've done everything right and planned for so long always! It's a tough thing to swallow. I've always been reassured that I don't have endo but am beginning to question it now after all this rubbish. But ever since I started this acupuncture I've been getting some very odd symptoms!

@MIW01 it's so hard to rationalise everything and subdue those errant thoughts sometimes, I do hope you get to find out a bit more info soon!

Sorry about your horse, it's so hard losing such a friend. My sister also has horses (with the rest of the farm) and we used to have a field together with a few in and losing one is just such a blow!

As for the Lh fsh ratio I'm not entirely sure but have read that they should be around equal and higher Lh than fsh can indicate pcos (my Lh is double by fsh so another reason I think I may have it) but I'm not sure if it's low

@notyetamumbuttrying yes! A llama or alpaca will do me! I'd very much like a Pygmy feinting goat and a little piglet if some kind too 😂

@MIW01 I totally understand, my clinic suggested donor eggs part way through my ivf cycle and the thought of having a child that wasn't genetically mine just floored me. It's hard to be happy for others, especially when they seem to have had an easy journey, don't beat yourself up about it. I think we all have to get through this feeling however we feel and not judging ourselves for it.

I think acupuncture can do amazing things, it might be clearing you out so to speak.

@Crazydoglady123 thank you lovely! My clinic do offer counselling but I wasn't able to get an appointment until 7th April, which I think is terrible. You shouldn't offer counselling if it's not available when it's needed, this will be about 4 weeks after my ivf failure and I really needed to speak to someone at the time. I'd recommend you book your counselling session in asap for a point you think you might need it so you don't end up waiting.

I'm speaking with my gp's mental health practitioner today, although not sure how much help they can offer. I've been under their care for about 18 months and was on medication until the summer when I decided to come off it because it might be making ttc harder.
Thanks for the support @notyetamumbuttrying and @Marvellouslymadmum, I really appreciate it

@MIW01 only a laparoscopy can truly diagnose endo. Have a look at the common symptoms and see what you think.
@Marvellouslymadmum haha I only recently heard of those feinting goats, hilarious 🤣
@Motherofkittens28 gosh that's terrible! Are you still going ahead on the 7th?

Oh sorry to hear that @Motherofkittens28 do you mind sharing why they suggested donor eggs to you? Remind me where you're at with IVF so far? I think you're right about the accupuncture. I just hope it's going to help. I think in all honesty our best chances will be if we can somehow conceive naturally. I'm also doing feng shui, EFT, fertility rituals and every supplement under the sun and eating organ meats just in hope that something will work! Just because I feel like I need to do something!

Thanks @Marvellouslymadmum that's interesting. I think I jist need to pay for private testing now and be done with it. I've got 1 my FSH/LH blood test through NHS on 16th April will see what that says but the 1 last September FSH was 13.9 and LH 6.9