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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

These be our very C's & our U's 'N our T's proudly JSing their way to poetic BFPs in #49.Together we Shall take off our robes (to shag),put on our crowns (to copulate);we have/immortal longings in us!

999 replies

Augusthomotherium · 10/06/2015 19:57

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 47 is HERE

The current Grads Fred is HERE

The current Mumming Fred is HERE

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is HERE

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found HERE and HERE

Stats sheet is HERE

The JustGiving page to donate in memory of TinyChat is HERE

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!
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Thread gallery
31
CountryGal4 · 18/06/2015 20:06

just strap on your sexy face we are doing this!! (With our dh's not eachother-that would be counter productive)

justtheonethen · 18/06/2015 20:32

Ha ha. First world problems 5hell!

country alright you're on. Although we have just had a very undignified argument about the cost/necessity of wellman conception tablets!

justtheonethen · 18/06/2015 20:33

Sure you don't want to join us? That might get dp out of his grump!

justtheonethen · 18/06/2015 20:34

What is a lazy shag jelly? In this house dp wants the works everytime. I long for a lazy shag!

CountryGal4 · 18/06/2015 20:39

Tell him you share a fanny with another women and that might pique his interest. We spent best part of 50 quid on vitamins a month ago. Tell him if he wants to see our fanny ever again he's to shut the fuck up about vitamins. It's only money. What is that when vs happiness ie baby

jellypi3 · 18/06/2015 20:40

just for us a lazy shag was basically spooning. No effort for either of us and DP used to say it felt really good lol

CountryGal4 · 18/06/2015 20:42

Dh does love a spoon shag. Not so fussed myself

ThursdayLast · 18/06/2015 20:48

I just had an amaretto with cherry coke.
I can recommend

CountryGal4 · 18/06/2015 20:50

Thursday you should try amaretto and cranberry!

justtheonethen · 18/06/2015 21:07

That's what I said, not the fanny sharing obv. He has apologised, and fetched more prosecco!

I think I like it thrustier than that jelly!

Hobbit19 · 18/06/2015 21:10

Can you not just get DPs to put it in and wiggle it about a bit? Hmm

CountryGal4 · 18/06/2015 21:19

Wiggle? Definetly a thrust kinda gal!

FeatheredTail · 18/06/2015 21:21

Congrats Wine ! Smile

SockQueen · 18/06/2015 21:24

Sorry I'm a bit late to the party, but huge congratulations Wine!

FeatheredTail · 18/06/2015 21:29

I'm getting there 5hell

Another day at EPU going through the motions of scan, nurse, doctor and bloods.

Got to say, both the doctor and consultant I've seen there have been lovely but I've wanted to f&@!ing kill the nurses and sonographers I've seen - actually raging - they were ARGUING with me saying I don't know I'm miscarrying unless I have ANOTHER (4th!!!) scan despite scan showing haemoraging uterus because my last hcg test showed a tiny rise! Thankfully consultant from Monday was lovely and wrote it in my notes that today would be the final scan.

Feeling a billion times better than I did last week. The shock is passing and the fear around what to expect has now subsided. I think the worst in terms of physical pain is over and my hcg is now dropping.

Travelling for work earlier in the week was the best thing I could have done. Physically it has drained me (and was in a lot of pain/bleeding) but it forced me to put a happy face on and I actually had a lot of fun for a few hours which made me temporarily forget.

So - still sad and very feeble, but I'll get there. Xxx

CountryGal4 · 18/06/2015 21:32

Feathered were here x. You're handling an incredibly difficult thing with grace and bravery. You'll come out the other side.

justtheonethen · 18/06/2015 21:46

feathered you're so brave. Hugs for you.

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/06/2015 22:36

feathered big hugs, you are amazing.
just I got the wellman and wellwoman in boots. Their vitamins were 3 for 2 so it worked out better value to get the branded, get them separately and pick up a big box of vit D for when I did eventually get upduffed. (I'm fat so get the folic acid prescribed)

5hell · 18/06/2015 22:47

wine ...meant to ask, what made you test today?
will have to find another spitty-microscope convert!

good to hear from you feathered hope you've got some other gentle distractions to help you through.

honeysucklejasmine · 18/06/2015 22:51

Wine my NHS trust doesn't do this "higher dose for fatties" thing I hear about. I asked last time. Both a midwife and a GP looked confused and said no, they hadn't heard of the need for that. So I looked in to it. The research was pretty flawed tbh, so I'm not worried. Still, taking a higher dose can't hurt, so if it was offered I probably would.

gaggiagirl · 18/06/2015 22:55
justtheonethen · 18/06/2015 22:58

Why do you get frolic free? And you're not fat. I've seen your photo. You are gorgeous!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/06/2015 23:02

5hell I'm a poas addict. Was feeling shit over a pregnancy announcement, one of my boobs aches and I can't stop farting Blush so figured why not.

honey I'm ashamed to admit I didn't research. Was just told "due to bmi you need this" - ok!

WouldRatherHaveWine · 18/06/2015 23:03

just you smoothie

honeysucklejasmine · 18/06/2015 23:09

That's so weird that some trusts do it and others don't. NICE recommend it only in cases of previous neural tube defects in older children, your DH and you, or your families. Or if you are diabetic.

But as I said... It won't harm you in the slightest.

In fact, rather tempted to just take loads of folic acid myself. Why not? Except my pills are 400ug and you need 5mg, which is 5000ug, so I'd need to take 20 tablets a day. Hmm, perhaps not.

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