Whether icing, twotting, or in need of a dip in the pity paddling pool, come stroke the friendly orange cave unicorn with us. (Chocolate pretzels are on the house). It's JUST SHAGGING THREAD 17!

[EssieSaysRelax]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share and with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo;

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce in other posters).

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

The link to Part 16 is here

The link to the latest grads thread is here

Happy shagging shaggers!

Cd 8 here, first day contraband recommends testing nowt to write home about. App says FW would begin Saturday after next... Then changed it to Wednesday coming... Then Friday... Now back to Saturday.... Think it's f**ked

Just had a message from my brother asking if I'm pregnant as his gran in law says I am..... Nope. Just fat. Cheers for that!

Grrr to preggers questions Fifi.

I know bear! We've only seen each other a couple of times in 8 years or so, so she doesn't know I'm TTC

Hoping its old lady witchcraft.... Before BFP with DS the lady behind the deli counter in co-op said congratulations to me. I was like eh? You're pregnant she said. Er I'm not... she then apologised and said she understood a she'd had a miscarriage too... Which made it even more awkward.... A few weeks later BFP. Witchcraft I tell you!

That's weird although I secretly wish that would happen to me

bear in certain positions it hurts and at the time of ovulation. I only know I have it because of the internal scans I've had - it means my ovaries are higher up and I can only orgasm in certain positions

I sympathise fifi as I've had that before. I was waiting for someone at work to ask if I was pregnant as I returned from leave with a bloated belly from coming off the pill and my pcos kicking in.

fifi I've had that too month or so after having ds I went for a spa day, the lady sais to me 'you should have said when you booked as we don't do pregnancy massages and patted ny tummy.' I still feel embarrassed about it as my weight is an issue. Need to lose about 2 stone and I seem to carry mostly on my stomach so can look pregnant a lot of the time .

I'm 6 dpo and had cramps this evening, like af is coming, really hope it's not, far too early even if I'm not pg this cycle.

sorry for typos and lack of capitalisation. I'm not thick honest, just my fat fingers struggle with typing on the phone. Must proof read.

Good grief Pizza, I would have properly slapped her not true, would more likely burst into tears!
Wasted another pee stick today, not due on til Sunday so need to rein it in!!
Good to have you back Bear - glad things are moving forward with tests. Stay strong, it sounds well stressful!

pizza isn't 6dpo cramping a good thing? Like implantation or something? P.S. I also carry all excess weight on my belly, size 10/12 bum, but a Father Christmas belly. (I exaggerate slightly).

bear I would come up and congratulate you if I knew how the witchcraft worked!

oh downstairs and fifi I desperately hope it is implantation but i must try not to get too carried away. Still a week before I can poas. We dtd 8 times between cd10 and cd19 (think I ov'd day 18, but didnt dtd on cd17) so hopefully at leasy one of those caught the egg!

I got accused of being upduff the other day at work because I had loads of snacks on my desk!! A half eaten sarnie, an apple, and a flapjack is apparently loads, and the guy that made the accusation came and whispered (a whole other issue was him getting WAY TOO CLOSE TO ME!) in my ear ?I?ve noticed you are eating lots at the moment, we?ve all noticed!? I immediately lost it and pointed out there was UNEATEN food on my desk, because I was too sodding busy to eat it because I had spent all day dealing with cretins like him. I am normally very restrained shy but he got me on a bad day. Fortunately I work in an all male environment and outbursts like that are fairly run of the mill (though not for me!) so no-one really turned a hair. I wish I could be a bit more like a bloke sometimes and take the stick and just let these things not bother me!

Yay, we?re off to the unicorn farm! What colour lady unicorn shall we get? Bearing in mind the current stallion is orange, we need to consider this carefully to ensure we have aesthetically pleasing baby unis! Perhaps we should just stick to orange as if we mix colours we may end up with a brown unicorn and I don?t see how anything brown can be magic.

Maggie- that sounds a bit rough. Hopefully it won't get it the way of Ttc.

Essie- some people are so blimmin' rude. Good on you for standing up to him.

Now onto the small matter of which lady unicorn to choose- I think rainbow coloured would be just lovely.

I'm on cd 30 and 10 dpo today and no Ertd. I don't think for a second I'm upduffed and I'm sure it's just up to its old tricks though.

I like the sound of a rainbow unicorn

I am 3DPO and work up this morning with SORE boobs and BURNING nipples, (take note of capitals meaning very painful!)

Feel crappy so have sat myself down with a small glass of low alcohol wine and a HUGE bar of chocolate (take note of capitals meaning very big) whats everyone upto this weekend?

I'm cd39 and have been cramping on and off all week, but no AF yet. Grump.

My cervix is so high up I always have to remind doctor's at my smear test that they need an extra long speculum. No chance of feeling which way it tilts.

I'm not much of a drinker but would absolutely love a glass of wine tonight and some crisps and chocolate but we having nothing in and ds is asleep in bed and dp is working til 11 as usual. law of sod.

will need to make do with a cuppa instead curly and aloho I think you bfp might be on the way!? just have a feeling.

I hope so pizza although I have something called non cyclical breast pain so they are always sore! Sometimes its hard to tell if they are more sore than usual! However this mornings burning was new! Haven't dared to take my bra off yet as that's usually when they hurt the most!

fx for more bfps curly and aloho!

cape back on tonight so this cycles shagfest is officially underway!

the Fred has been rather quiet today..is everyone hiding in the pity pool/unicorn cave?

It is quiet isn't it? I'm past AF, before icing or TWOT so don't really have much to add!

Have messaged app people about varying icing dates, they say it shouldn't change by just logging in.... No shit. Now have to send screen shots. What apps to others use? I'm using clue

Same as fifi, nothing interesting going on TTC-wise. I get married a week today though! Hairdresser should be arriving this time next week!

I use period diary fifi, which I was pretty happy with until May when it stopped the summary page working somehow which said how long cycles had been. Was really handy as could see how long each month had been but now it's broke!

I use fertility friend but I do have the paid version so I get extra features. it does not help the obsessing in twot though as it has an analyser which tells you how close to ov u DTD and gives u a high good or low score, then gives you a point score as to how likely u are yo be upduffed based on the symptoms u enter. I had 77/100 one month though and no bfp. clearly I was over thinking all the "symptoms"!

enjoy this week dulcet it will fly. its our 2nd anniversary in a couple of weeks. I remember 4 days b4 the wedding I had a melt down telling my mum, in tears, that I wasn't ready for a wedding. she panicked thinking I didn't want to marry dh. it wasn't that at all I was just so overwhelmed by all the last minute prep I felt we'd never get it all done. turns out I was panicking for nothing!

dulcet Enjoy this week, ours flew by (DIYed a lot so pure hectic!), do you still have a lot to do or are you organised?

nothing to report - lots if stress and bad atmosphere at work, working til 4 today. Still waiting for AF but bfn so far so it's just my body screwing with my, have felt queasy all week but I think that's just stress.

Viroids!! I'm freaking out. Just got home from work, and I hadn't binned the BFN pee stick I did this morning, so went to bin it, and it has the GHOST of a line! Like the sort that you have to squint with one eye shut at. I fished my last two days sticks (classy) out of the bin, and in comparison they are definitely lineless! They say to disregard results after 10mins, and this has been like 5hrs - ADVICE PLEASE?!!