Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Oh jars sorry thought you said no garden at all! If there is a bit of garden and you love the house then i change my stake, do it if you want it!

Dh is on a posh do with work tonight so i get to enjoy his swanky hotel room! Yippee!!! Currently sat in giant deep bath with bar of chocolate and glass, ok bottle of red wine! Lush! Went down to eat earlier and had scallops and then veal. Awesome!

Who needs babies?! Eh?!?

V quick one, the hour is late.

Folic, phew! So glad to hear that.

Okay, the offer is in & we should find out soon. It's a repo job, so maybe our insultingly low offer will stand a chance...

If we get it, the TTC is on hold until the really back-breaking work is done (floor-to-ceiling tongue & groove cancelling in all the rooms, anyone?), otherwise DH will have to do it all on his own. I tried to point out that if I was upduffed then I would be doing that back-breaking physical job without much actual help (apart from moral support & hand holding) but no dice. Eh well, let's see, eh?

A massive shout out to my posse: Loopy, missed you loads, Phoebe, how do, Wino, pass the rum, Jewels, what up, Tante, word!

Sorry to anyone I missed: you are already necking Cristal in the VIP lounge...

Tested. BFN. First signs of period. Oh well, at least I get to get drunk at my wedding...

Folic - glad that everything is ok!!

Oh, Choc. That sucks. And I am sorry for forgetting you. [shit person emoticon]

Our buyer pulled out: back to square 1.

Arse.

folic glad all is well

choc big fat hairy bums

jars as per choc comment above

I am thoroughly disgruntled today, our beautiful nieces 2nd birthday today and she rang me (held the phone) - said 'ta' for her presents and that she liked her 'boons' (balloons) I sent her and said she was 'dooooo' when i asked how old she was.

Promptly put the phone down and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, DH is a complete train wreck today about semen test tomorrow, infact so badly that I think any survivors he had in the pipes he has probably killed off with stress today, we had a bit of a row so a thoroughly shit day.

anyhoooooooo, enough of that old crap - how is everyone else? any news to report?

Phoebe hope you're feeling a bit better now?

• that is actually true!

Jars - that really sucks! Do you want me to do something to those stupid, undecisive arseholes? Just say a word!
Don't worry about forgetting me - I've kept quiet recently anyway (aolthough the plan of lurking is obviously not working out that well - I just love you guys too much :))

Wino - thanks!
As to semen test - we were in that testing situation as well. I think it;s always a big thing for a guy (that manhood crap and all). What I found help my DF was convincing him that it's not "your fault, my fault" kind of thing. Rather - we are embarking on a project together and we have to assess OUR situation and make some decisions. Helped him to chill a bit.

Loopy and Jewels - good to see you! (Loopy - I like the vodka attitude :))

Phoebe - how are you feeling? Clomid still giving you a hard time?

Hmm I'm just home from a work thing. Sorry everyone is having pish time - Jars those inconsiderate fuckers, Chocs stupid BFN

Good luck Mr Wino's jizz tomorrow.

Phoebe and Loopers what's happening with you guys? loops has your evil bosses wife grown horns yet, what with her birthing a goat?

Jewels stop lurking.

And what ever happened to horseygirl and others in the Great Delurk of '11?

Wino I also thought I had a shit day yesterday but fuck me, yours definitely wins :( I have 4 beautiful nieces & 2 nephews and when they do something cute or that pulls at your heart strings, it just kills me. Why do other people in our lives get to experience that EVERYDAY but not us?

So you lot have been well busy & I still haven't caught up so I'm so sorry for lack of name checking I only have time to look at this page..

Jars - WTF?! So shite!!

Chocs - let's get stuck on the booze & start the celebrations early!!!

Folic - such a relief, not sure cart wheels are recommended though?!!

"So here's a song guaranteed to get that party started & a big shout out to all those wonderful ladieeees out there"

Spins " I got a feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas & orders shots all round (Folic if you want to abstain, here's a J20 instead)

:)

Yo massif. I'm not meaning to lurk. I was actually in midst of a post last night but I too had been lured by the after work pub, and foolhardily went for brothers' perry (In a it's-sunny-and-I'm damn-well-going-to-drink-pints-of-icy-things-even-though-its-actually-a-bit-chilly-now-because-it-is-only-April). Turns out those bad boys are 7%! That's virtually wine. So I got in, hoovered up some dinner, cast a lazy eye over "bodySHOCK my dad's having a baby" (thanks for that channel 4) and fell suddenly and soundly asleep at the laptop.

Trying to psych up to opk-and-entirely-spontaneous-sex marathon. Also babysitting for older of our nephews (13 months) this weekend. Starting to flag with the cool career-aunty without faintest desire to get babied persona.

hi allllll! hic...

Loopy the worse thing is my sister in law never appreciates how good she has it, always complaining about how parenthood is so hard etc etc, the witch.

choc oddly enough that's what row was about, he told me he didn't really want to talk to me about things because it was his problem, he was the one to blame. I keep trying to say, no it's OUR problem so stop keeping me in the dark! Grrrr.....

Anyway Mr Wino has now chilled out having handed his jizz to a random women in Harlow this morning. I think he found a bit odd having to abstain for nearly a week so that probably wasn't helping his mood (or mine, I'm a bit of a slag don't you know)

Have eaten nearly as much halloumi at lunch as I drank wine so it's going to be a looooooong afternoon at work for me.

Wino I now have a mental picture of a random guy walking down a random
High street just passing out test tubes of the white stuff to random
women [Wink]

Coming soon to a town near you! Free jizz! Pick it up outside your local Costa or Starbucks!

Stupid winky (or should that be wanky ?!?) emoticon!

As well as being bloody lovely, halloumi is high in protein - good sperm food. (Sorry if that made you feel sick!).

I'm CD07, bored, bored, bored with all this malarky now. I have an appointment at Midlands Fertility Services on 29 Apri - that's when I'll arrange a HyCoSy hopefully. I am more and more convinced nothing's happening because my tubes are blocked.

The NHS specialist says that's not so, but I am determined to prove her wrong.

+++++++++++

CMH - sorry AF arrived. Mine has now departed, so I'll give it a few days (R&R) and then open proceedings for another month.

+++++++++++

Jars - house buying and selling is almost as emotive as trying (and failing) to conceive. Sorry your buyer pulled out - can you drop your price to get another one quickly?

++++++

I need to lose weight - we're going on holiday in 7 weeks! Time to knock my little wine habit on its head - in RL.

Hope this is a good week for everyone!

Hi may I join you ladies? I bring offerings of gin in pint glasses, a brooding feeling of bitter resentment and stories of mcs. I do have one kid already though promise not to mention her.

Pass the fags...

Afternoon all....

What a bloody lovely day!!!! So annoyed to be at work in my dingy office!
This is a day to be in a beer garden!!!

Went for a walk at lunch and it would appear I am the only women under 40 left in London who isn't fecking pregnant! Arse bum bastard! Stupid cows in their floaty maternity maxi dresses!!

Oh well! Aside from that minor glitch I am having a positive vibey day today and am dreaming more about ice cold Pimms today than babies so that's a good thing!

Loopy would LOVE to have a wanky emot - would come in v handy at work often!

sherry sounds ruff, hope appt comes round quickly and you have hols to look forward to.

mamarara hello love, I'm new here myself and this bunch of hags have been most lovely and helpful so am sure you'll love it here. (p.s gin in pint glasses is quite possibly my favourite after wine in buckets so looking forward to you being around).... hmm... might have to abbreviete you to mama if you don't mind!

phoebe hope you're ok*

p.s my spelling is shite sorry! typing too quickly!

Hello Ladies, I'm a stranger in these parts...but I come bearing gifts. Is there room for a little one?

I'm alive!

Still here. No news. Everything is fine I'm just having a really weird mood month and stupidly busy in RL. Sorry about the long silence, though.

Bugger about all the periods and negatives. Our winning streak didn't last that long, did it?

Welcome newbies. Proper post soon, I promise.

nice to see you Ellie, glad you came well stocked!

right, got my griddle on, who wants some halloumi?

phoebe glad you're ok, keeping my fingers crossed for another winning streak

I'm CD12 today and my CB monitor is reaching peak earlier than usual this month (started climbing at CD09?) so getting ready to jump on board that rollercoaster again (and MrWino)

Thanks for warm welcome ladies. I am waiting for next period to be done and then shall be riding Mr Rara like a rodeo pony.

Impatientwino - am now wondering whether train driving whistle and hat is more conducive to fertilisation than a stetson and and spurs?

Thank God it's nearly time for wine...

rara went on google today and it is a picture of a train - could this be an omen??? however, stetson and spurs much sexier.... let's compare notes at the end of the month!

ellis sorry I called you Ellie in my earlier post (twice), I'm often at work when I post so sometimes type too quickly and scan read to try and be discreet!

jars hows the house malarky going???

Folic - ok, having a bit of a manic day today, like oh my god this isn't going to happen etc etc what do i do, im going to end up with 17 cats etc etc and been having a look at other threads only made me worse. Anywayyyy, I'll get to the point, I started to re-read old posts on this thread and you wrote this middle of Feb...

'I have been feeling better recently due to 1. Giving up midweek boozing 2. Cutting out caffeine 3. Eating healthily 4. Getting some exercise. I feel mentally better but not much fun!'

Had you been still doing this? (no midweek boozing in particular?!) Am wondering whether I need to restrict my mid week drinkies to on here and occasional and cut out caffeine? (only have 2 cups tea a day so shouldn't be that hard)

what say you oh fertility goddess?????

Hi lovelies, new and old. A quick one as am also indulging in a furtive scan whilst at work.

wino I have done 3&4 but not 1&2. I am not (yet) a fertility goddess. But I am sitting primly at my desk in a sudden surprise puddle of "conceive plus" and jizz, so who knows.

Evening all. So was reading PP with 4 quit sensible sounding tips for conception. Then realised that meant giving up wine and coffee. Seriously. So here is some (thoroughly researched I am sure) science:

• have sex during a quarter moon, only at night
• have sex on an odd day of the month with your head pointing north
• get your left nostril pierced
• dance before sex to stimulate blood flow
• avoid soy products

Brilliant. It's the 13th tomorrow - just enough time to nip down claires accessories before doing a conga round the kitchen table.

Hope you are all well!

mamarara I dare you. Do it do it do it... (okay maybe not the piercing).

Jewels When the bloody hell did you manage to have a shag when you posted at work at 5pm when the jizz conceive plus combo leaked? I so want it to be that Mr Jewels and you work together and you had a furtive one on the photcopier, whilst photocopying your arse.

Wino me dear.....hmmmm. Well, I was a bit of a boozehound before so you could say that this may well have been preventing me from conceiving...BUT when I think of all the kids born out of drunkeness it surely can't be true. I had been super healthy the month before, lost weight, didn't drink at all, then month conceived had totally cut down booze and all the rest you read. TBH though I think it was just luck though.

Sorry I've turned into a lurker, I've been quiet, in weird mood/s and tiredy. Loads of shit happening at work that I'm trying not to get too involved in.

Great to see new peeps though, all your chat is fuckin hilarious.

Tante back form Dubai yet?

hellllloooooo