Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

Loopy thanks for the welcome back (I don't call that stalking, everyone lurks first) and sorry about the interview. But really, I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think. You only ever remember the bad bits when you come out, I'm sure there were loads of good bits too. When will you hear?

Jars bugger. Damn period. Drink?

Hey ladies!!
Back from my travels and went mad in the duty free for you

I have to say, I have been pissing myself laughing reading your posts - had to read out the 'shag station' bit to DH, who was also cracking up as this is our life!

We always end up with people staying, or going to other people's houses at the weekend so we are very used to the decamping to the floor tactics.

But as I am a pampered lady of luxury, DH puts the duvet down

I will do proper catch up later as I really have to go and get ready to go out tonight. Still horror hungover from last night - have totally abandonned the 'no drinking' thing this weekend, even worked my way through a few Malboro lights . But of course, I POAS before and it was obviously a BFN, so fuck it!

But v quickly - Phoebe I think you are coping wonderfully, I hope MrC can work through the shit as well x

folic - what about some stress relief stuff? You need to look after yourself!

jars - go to the GP and check out that abdominal pain! Now!

And welcome to LoopyLa!

Right, am soooooo late (but have new dress to wear, so everyone will forgive me when they see my radiance lol)
xox

Hello all

I'm just off for my 8 months lunch, wish me luck. Teeth gritted, etc. If I wasn't driving or being a responsible adult (or if drinking in the afternoon wasn't a younger woman's game) I would be ostentatiously knocking back a couple of glasses of wine at lunch in an "Oh, sorry, I forgot you're not allowed" sort of a way.

(I totally think it's implantation but I am jinxing it by even thinking it, no?)

Will read posts and catch up tomorrow: I'm going beyond where the internet can find me.

Have a lovely Sunday, all.

Tante - drinking is more fun when you've abstained for a while first.

I fell off the wagon a wee bit this weekend too.

I was a perfect Christening guest until I'd finished the first bottle of sparkling wine, at which point I kidnapped another whole bottle and a plate of brownies and escaped to the kitchen for a private party.

Was really shocked when we were drinking the whisky nightcaps to note it was only 9:15pm!

I went to bed and fell into a deep coma, and my husband had to wake me to remind me today was a possible OV day. So I told him just to help himself. He knows where everything is by now.

+++++++

Jars - 5 days early could be implantation bleeding or a defective luteal phase. I hope it's the former!

Sherry I think your OH is a legend- to even remember or care enough to bother having a drunken shag.

I've had a good sunday. Inlaws have just left. Very good meal, have eaten too much and have drunk a lot of wine. YUM YUM.

HA HA HA Sherry!!!!!! Almost wet myself over you & your hubby - HAHAHAHA

(wipes tears from her eyes...)

And one of the few benefits of not being pregnant IS the fact you can get completely smashed without any guilt! Hope the hangover wasn't too horrendous.

Yay, Tante is back - wahoo!!!! Thanks for the booze :) How was your night out?

Jars - hipflask is an excellent idea - does it have to be spirits in though? Would be terribly chav-like to pop some chardonnay in? And how was your lunch?

Folic how was Sunday lunch?

Last but not least, how was your week-end Phoebe?

Mine was ok. Didn't think about my diabolical interview all week-end & have been monstrously unhealthy. Had chinese take out & big bag of Maltesers (I literally love them more than my husband) on Saturday then curry on Sunday - having said that I did walk 4.5 miles as I was feeling heifer-like on Sunday too. Thought I'd be too knackered for action but turns out walking is good for the libido - HA HA HA!!! It was fab-u-lous

Too much info for a Monday morning? Eh, what the heck!

Oh no! And I've just re-read my first sentence "Almost wet myself over you & your hubby" - So sorry, I didn't mean, obviously, that I was weeing all over you & your hubby as that would have been highly inappropriate & not helpful for your baby making scenario.

I should really make sure I have drunk my coffee before writing these things! Sip...

Sunday was good, cooked lots, ate lots, drank lots a bit. Tired today though.

On 7 DPO and have jaggy pain down near fannyish area. It feels womb like so I am convincing self that it is implantation. Also have shocking skin. Keep getting spots on my chin. Bloody embarrassing when out of teenage years to have what feels like boils in such a prominent place.

Jars how is your bleeding going? has it gone?

Not sure which was funnier: Sherry's description of her husband's efforts in the line of duty or Loopy's accidental watersports reference and flustered apology!

But seriously now, we should be due some good news on this thread, surely?

I'm going to believe that Folic's jaggy fanny and Jars's early bleeding are implantation related until proven otherwise.

Go Reproductive Systems! Woo! Yeah!

OMG ladies, I'm very excited this morning & I have to share this (drumroll please....)

I have a PERIOD

As you know I've been put on the pill for 3 months to kickstart my cycles & HURRAH, after 1 round, they've started! Strictly speaking it isn't a period but a "withdrawal bleed" but whatever, I'll take that :)

Never thought I'd be happy to have a period but just nice to feel like a normal woman with mood swings (moi???), bloatedness & tummy pains...the relief! Especially after 3 and a half years plus of not having one.

Probably shouldn't get too excited as the periods could stop, I guess, when I come off the pill but I'm so happy that something has finally started for me...

(Joins Phoebe with the poms-poms, waving enthusiastically to no rythmn whatsoever - WAHOOOOOOO)

Anyway, how are you? How very selfish to "bla, bla bla" without asking you

It is strange how in real life everyone is getting pregnant without a care, but on this thread, there is a distinct lack of fertilisation going on.

C'mon ovaries! C'mon (what's the plural of endometrium?)

+++++

CD18 - starting to burn out now, every day I PIAC and every day get what looks like an almost +ve..

Just.can't.carry.on...but I must.

Parents are staying so Top Secret nocturnal activities again - time to crack out the rose-scented Diptyque candle, satin polka dot flimsywear and some Barry White!

Note the exagerrated enthusiasm..got to Fake it until you Make it!

+++++++

Good luck to Folic and Jars and all those who are almost certainly being implanted with little fertilised eggs even as I write this..

Loopy - glad the pill is working its bloody magic!

2-4-6-8 you do we appreciate? Loopy's repro system! Pissing all over you Phoebe and Loopy... with laughter of course.

I no longer have a jaggy feeling. I hope it wasn't down to tightness of trousers

Hi ladies!

Sherry - your OH is definitely a legend!! (and so are you, Loopy :))

Phoebe - great to hear that you'll be trying Clomid again. I knew you just couldn't leave!

How is work Folic? Any improvements?

Jars - did you go to the doctor in the end?

I've been trying to forget about TTC for a while but am affraid have to admitt a total defeat...

So - tripple hurrah for all the implantations and early pregnancy pains going on! Standing ovations for those ovaries, uteruses and other organs (male or female) involved! CHeers to (only one!) period!

...and a little toats to faking...

As I'm ovulating now and DF was dead last night we attempted a morning shag this morning. Didn't quite work out - at 6am he was even more dead and so was I (too dead to even fake anything). Couldn't care less for a baby at that point, just wanted to go to sleep... and sort of did half way through, which wasn't exactly a turn on for him...

BTW - he made me promise that I'll tell you about his sperm re-test (after the first dodgy one) - it came back above average (his words anyway...). He's very proud of himself (obviously - he is a man!)

Only after getting the results he admitted that the forst time he couldn't face wanking in the hospital and did it at home but then the trafic was really bad so by the time he got to the hospital most of the sperm was in agony or dead... He didn't want to tell me as was woried I'd be mad at him (me? mad??? )

Naughty naughty, verrry naughty Mr Chocs . I'm sure that you would have been extremely understanding Choc no?

2-4-6-8
Who do we appreciate?
M R C H O C S

Great news about his retest Chocs.

I reckon things have to start looking up round here soon.

*I've never been able to cartwheel in real life.

1-2-3-4 our ovaries we can't ignore!

I am not limber at all in RL, no acrobatic splits for me. Can't wait to get into work this am. Start off with a 3 hour meetign and teleconference. What fun chaps.

*I forward rolled to get my BAGA certificate in the 1980s

Oh and Loopy any news on promotion?

Well, look at all of you, in a pile on the floor. Tsk.

I've got a BAGA certificate as well! I was the oldest child in the class and could do NOTHING, unlike all the bendy and fear-free tinies. I basically got my last badge out of pity and if I promised to leave after I got it.

Yay MrChocs and his beautifully average swimmers! But a slap on the wrist for buggering up the first test, silly man.

Yay Loopy's period!

Yay Folic's jaggy feelings!

Well, I have PO4Ss and no luck, plus this bleeding is still going after 5 days, so deal me out of this hand, my dears, and pass the gin. I think this qualifies as an actual period, even though all the blood from Saturday morning onwards would only fill one ST. So a short luteal phase/early ovulation/other sciency bollocks it is, then.

Mind you, I'd be more gutted if we'd got round to shagging more than twice in the last month.

.

The weekend was great, btw, and I had a lovely time seeing my friends. I thnik going into situations knowing they might be difficult definitely helps, iyswim. It's dealing with the unexpected announcements that can be much harder.

Chocs!! Feels like you've been away for aaaaaaaaages!!!! (grapples Chocs into a big, bear hug then steps away embarrassed...) And well done to Mr Chocs too, must be a weight off his mind at least, one less thing to worry about.

Folic God, I remember the whole BAGA thing, that brought back a blast from the past - I was also very crap at cartwheels but totally nailed the roley poley ;) And very impressive entrance Phoebe

How crappy, crappy crap Jars - sod a dog (it's a saying, I'm sure...somewhere) :(

Still not heard about my interview - do I prefer just being in ridiculous ever hopeful limbo (rather like TTC-ing, IRONIC) or would I rather "rip off the band-aid" and hear the inevitable crap news?..hmmm...

Dunno...either way, I'm at work right now, not working and chatting to you lovely ladies instead. Spent much of my commute in (I work in Laaaaandaaaan) looking at job websites just to really affrim my negative feelings & emotions and I can tell you, there's fuck all out there....

On a lighter note, I do rather like the fact we have our exclusive little club on this thread although we'd rather not be in this club but another type altogether if you know what I mean (I would have done the acronym but I can't spell it HA HA HA). Pass the tissues, think I'm getting 'motional...sniff!

Love the 'Malbec, Meal in a Glass'..!

Well, another day, another bite at the cherry (just kidding, it was straight shagging, no kinky stuff, nothing like that. Although doing it twice in 24 hours with my parents in the house almost counts as kinky!)

CD19 - I'm calling OV. Dark line this morning, pale line this evening, our work here is done. Almost. Once more for luck!

+++++++

Sorry about AF Jars. Are you 100% sure?

Anyway - sod all this TTC......I am to be a Godmother! I welled up when my friend told me yesterday - baby Edward is only 5 days old, dark hair, wrinkly!

My (God)son! I'm so proud!

If I can't have my own baby, this is surely the next best thing?!

Good luck - I feel good news a-coming..a change is gonna come!

That's me just home. Day was as I expected. Still, I knew what to expect so not as bad as those days at work that mug you. Now wine or beer I ask myself...

Aaah BAGA, I had to google it as a reminder. It's not the British Amputee Golf Association, it' British Gymnastics Award. I did it in primary school, which was probably the last time i did PE as well. I was very much oh I've forgot my kit, I've got my period, I've got a verruca on a three weekly rotation kinda girl in secondary school.

Jars cunty period to coin another phrase. Pffft. Still, onwards and upwards old girl.

Loopers still got thigns crossed for you.

I'm DPO 9 for me so still hanging on by skin of teeth. Think should get spotting in next day or so if period is about to start so just praying that it doesn't happen. I've gone from complete certainty that this month would be the month on about CD1 to very little faith at all.

Mmmmm beer, clink clink.

Aaaah Sherry weas posting at same time as you. You have been shagging like billy o.

Once more for luck lady

Yay happy Godmothering.

Ha ha sorry! BAGA was a gymnastic qualification thingy, from recollection went from BAGA 6 to 1 (?!!) If you got to 1 then you were super limber & bendy, able to vault over box things and do back flips - needless to say I never got to 1, lol!

What I wouldn't do for some of that flexibility now (sighs & looks misty eyed into the middle distance) Mr Loopy would greatly appreciate that I suspect