Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

I'm madly googling implantation pain. I have to stop. It's not healthy.

I want my life back. Y'know?

Feeling curiously down now post google as I know I'm just getting hopes up, and they will more than likely just be stamped on until they are pulped in a matter o days.

Sorry for downer of a post. After all the laughter and all.

Folic - if you take any given symptom and look it up you'll find that:

• many people had it when pregnant
• many people had it when not pregnant

also

• people have lots of typical pregnancy symptoms when not pregnant
• people have no pregnancy symptoms when pregnant

so - step away from google!!

Have a drink - until 5th week baby doesn't get any of the lovely booze from you so it doesn't even have to be a virtual one :)

Cheers

Thanks Chocs. Fuck google.

I'm having beers and enjoying them.

I second what Choc said.

Put the internet down and step away from sticks. No weeing!

I have a good feeling about your prospects this month, for what it's worth. And if it is an unfounded hope then I will be shoving tequila slammers down the bar to you.

Ooh, beer. Now that IS a good idea.

Folic how are you feeling today hun?

Also ladies, wanted some advice about this week-end.

Am going to see the outlaws (Mr loopys parents) & we nearly always get the question of when they will see grand children from us. It doesn't help that Mr loopys bloody brother (few years younger) has got 2 kids (2 gorgeous girls, 7 yrs & 1 yr) so evidently no trouble with conception there

Just wondered how we can light heartedly & not rudely answer them back? They are lovely people but no-one in our family knows we're trying as we don't want THAT question every time we see/speak to them. Any ideas?

Loopy that's a hard one and depends really on you and your other half and the sort of relationship you have with the in-laws.

But my advice, and this is just me, is be honest. It doesn't need to be a announcement, but next time one of them asks just casually say something like
"Actually, we've been trying for X months and it doesn't seem to be happening straight away for us."

And if you'd rather not be asked everytime you see them, tell them that. Say you're not really worried, but you'd rather not be asked all the time as it doesn't really help to focus on it.

Like I say, just me, but I found people asked and hinted less once they knew and it was easier.

Hi again ladies!

Fook me, I'm in and out like a fiddler's elbow here!

Have just been away for the past few days looking after my gorgeous little nephew (6 weeks) so had no time to go on the internet!

If this is motherhood, forget it!

Anyway, need to get back in the fold - have read all your updates and I have to agree - where there feck is our fertility luck?

Surely even by the law of probability one of us should have fallen for our cause by now?! (was always shite at maths though, so....)

Aw loopy I feel for you - I have not quite mastered the answer to this yet. It goes from tight-lipped-smile to 'ooo-we-are-far-too-young-for-this-malarkey-ho-ho-ho'

Inside I'm thinking 'Oh for FUCK'S sake, work it out!'

And all week my dsis has been asking well meaning questions about fertility, etc (she is a dr, and I had talked to her about it ages ago)but I just shut down - v awkward as usually we talk about everything, but I just couldn't bring myself to go there, don't know why

MrTante and I actually had a big conversation yesterday about putting it on hold for a year. He is way more positive than me at the moment, which is weird as usually I am hard to beat down

So he was saying that he is ready to go with the fertility treatment, but is concerned that I have been a bit quiet since my return from my working hols (he wasn't there). Didn't realise I was being miserable.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! It is because I did that fucking pg test a couple of weeks ago and then I did another one of course

Am not going to do another one ever again. Not even if I have a massive bump and am throwing up everywhere and am in labour. Hmmph.

Anyway, how self-centred this all is! I go away and come back and rant about myself

I am eagerly awaiting folic 's implantation bleed news, though...

WARNING, monster post!!!!

Ah bless you Tante, even in your misery, you are defiant & so entertaining :) What do you think you'll do next? Take a break or go with fertility treatment?

Foooooolic are you ok? Not going to badger you but just hope you're doing ok x

Thanks for the advice Phoebe - I really despise don't get on with my sister-in-law that well (we are superficially nice polite to each other but I don't trust her at all & thinks she's a bitch - Loopy not holding back!) so don't really want to share too much info with them.

And Tante totally understand where you're coming from with your sister. I have 2 lovely older sisters (2 kids each, no trouble with conception either) and I'm very lucky as I share everything with them - except for this. I have a friend who's been trying for 9 years to get pregnant & loads of her family & friends know she's TTC but she does complain about the constant questions she gets when talking to people.

Chocs/Sherry/Jars are you ladies ok?

Still not bloody heard about my interview One of my friends heard today she got the job she's applied for & mentioned it just a bit too much afterwards - then sent me a text about how much we had to look forward (??! WTF easy for her to say!!!). Probably won't hear til at least Thursday now & having an office move too - eurgh!

One good thing - yay! fabuloso! - is that I lost 2 lbs last week - woop woop. Couple more weeks of being this & I shouldn't officially be overweight anymore :)

Anyway, hope you all have lovely weekends. Think a or 2 is necessary

Well done fat burn loopy

I've nae chat for anyone just suffice to say I'm pissed, I'm spotting, period round corner.

goodnight.

And also sorry not engaging in any convo. I love you guys mwah.

Bit pissed as well. Half asleep. Just wanted to say hi. Have great weekends!
Folic-get properly drunk - at least celebrate the fact that you can! (my crappy county period philosophy)

Berocca and paracetamol.

I did and passed out on sofa. Terrible sleep. Had vague recollections of being on here so thought I'd better check up on myself.

Happy hangovers, ladies!

Thanks for the welcome back loopy, any news on the job yet....? So frustrating being in limbo, eh? Fingers crossed it goes well, hoping for a champagne update!

folic and choc enjoy the child free lounging hangovers: when we have lots of rugrats we will mourn them blah blah other such unhelpful shite...

Well, MrTante and I had a fab chat yesterday and we are all systems GO GO GO!

I think I just freaked out a bit at the thought of us actually starting fertility treatment and was obsessing about it all on my own, keeping it all light on the surface so as not to become the obsessive,vulnerable wife

But I suppose I just have to accept that this whole process does make me obsessive and vulnerable and needing lots of support and as my DH said very clearly THAT'S OK

Am laughing at myself typing this as I never, ever realised what a control freak I am! I hate beng vulnerable and not 'I can cope with anything, me!' but I started to pre-emptively shit myself so much that I would go insane and put a strain on our relationship that I, er, started to go insane and put a strain on our relationship (in my head).

Don't buy MY self-help book!

Anyway, we both had a long laugh at my utter craziness and I actually felt myself letting go a little bit and relying on DH more...it is all going to be ok, phew...

I suppose the other battle is that DH was asking me to be honest and say whether or not I was ready to compromise our drinking lifestyle. If I wasn't, he was saying we can wait for a little while, but pointed out that this is a decision that would be taken out of our hands if we were normal lucky and I just got pregnant, which I/we would be fine with.

It's just that we have the 'luxury' (ahem) of knowing that it starts now (ferility treatment kind of like being pregnant, but no joy? Healthy living, no big sessions, constant monitoring, etc). It's a huge and depressing commitment in a way.

And here it is: the horribly selfish part. I love our life together. We have a work hard/play hard approach to life and enjoying spunking our money and time on having a blast. I love my DH because we are best mates and I feel (cheese alert!) really lucky to have spent most of our 20s having a great time together, with all our friends,etc etc. Now we want a baby and I would love for it to have been as easy a transition as all our other 'life-stages' were (jesus! someone stop me!).

So a very selfish, spoilt bit of me is coming to terms with the fact that the hard work isn't to do with our careers anymore, it's to do with us and our lifestyle. And I am frightened that I am going to fail at it and it's making me stall at the jump, or somesuch other terrible analogy.

And we have always been so equal in our relationship and I hate the thought of the whole dynamic changing and him looking after me as I wail and us rowing and so on and on and on

SO yesterday's whole big chat was a lovely reminder that we are in it together and ffs I wouldn't have married someone who didn't want to help me and I can help him too. It doesn't have to be 'fun' v 'serious', and it's not just me making life all serious and depressing.

OMG this post is like a novel

Thanks so much for reading, I just needed to get all that off my chest and I feel too to be so selfish in my views (I seem so spoilt and childish! Am horrified at myself!)

PS well done on the 2 lbs loopy!

Tante - I like your novel! :) (and would be up for reading more so don't completely give up on writting them!)
Seriously - v happy for you. It all sounds very solid and "together" - seems like you married the right guy :)

It's difficult not to see TTC as failure sometimes, isn't it? (even though it's not!). Maybe we're just spoilt by living in the circumstances when enough effort or money usually gets us stuff we want...

At my appointment a couple of weekls ago I was told that we're both fertile and there are no reasons why we wouldn't get pregnant. So that's good news.
The bad news is that, as there is nothing much to fix I can't really do anything, can't take control of the situation. And I don't like it!

When you say fertility treatment Tanta - do you mean IVF?
The consultant said that if it doesn't happen within the next six months the next step would be intrauterine insemination - sounds very romantic!

How is your hangover Folic? I think I got off lightly this time but am going to friend's birthdsy tonight so am not sure about tomorrow.
BTW - to what extent do you ladies limit your alcohol intake? How much do you usually drink during the week? (I think I probably drink too much but need some kind of benchmark :)) And if you limit - at what point during the cycle do you start drinking less?

Phoebe -I like your approach to telling other people. I might try to adapt it to dealing with my parents. They know we are trying and about the miscarriage (although don't know about the tests and consultations) but just keep asking and it's beginning to irritate me (although they mean well...)

Well done on the dieting front Loopy!

Aw thanks choc

No, I don't even mean IVF, just clomid.

And I do agree about being spoilt - I never, ever thought of us like that and am shocked to find myself feeling so entitled and gutted at not getting what I want in the way I wanted it. It makes me not like myself v much tbh

Totally understand about the lack of control thing choc - sometimes you want a name or a disease to cure or something!

So...drinking. My old friend

This counts as a different post so am not breaking 'short post' promise

Before ttc, I think we firmly fell into the 'binge drinker' category.

So:
During week:

• At least one night at pub/out for dinner, etc - half bottle of wine or 3/4 beers or something like that.

(Category A: 'had a drink last night after work with X')

AND

• 1 night a week on average having a (large) glass of wine with dinner

(category B: 'We are really adult and being sensible - get us')

Friday night:

• Pub after work OR meeting friends for dinner. Prob bottle of wine each to begin, could easily move on to beers, spirits, shots if we ended up in a nightclub/back at someone's house but mostly not

(category C: 'had a few drinks after work, got a bit pissed')

Weekend:

• We are usually away at something or have friends visiting us (wedding/mate's 30th/big drinking session) or go out on Sat night for dinner.

This could include anything from starting on the beers at 3pm, moving on to a bottle of wine or 3, spirits, blah blah it's 3am and we are on the flaming sambucas, all back to our house and rip through the drinks shelf until crawl to bed, wake up still dressed face down on the spare bed, think left phone in nightclub.

(category D: 'we went on the piss last weekend' - which can be supersized quite easily if we went to the pub on Sunday to 'went on the absolute piss last weekend')

That's bad, isn't it? Thank fook the internet is anonymous. I do eat a lot of wholegrains, though, honest.

So since TTC we cut out categories A, B and mostly C (although the last one is hard, and I fail once a month, probably)

We still do category D at least once a month. This is the one that is as close to impossible for me and that from yesterday's Big Chat onwards we (well, mostly I, let's face it) am trying on hit on the head.

Well now! HTH, fellow shaggers. I expect you all to have your Drinking Data Report on my desks PRONTO.

Oh fuck, delete post, DELETE POST!
Or at least close the door to the thread and let's all lean against it shhhhhhhh in case the people from chat on the drinking thread come in and see!

Hurry up!!!!

at fabulous social life and fierce shoes...

I can't go out for drinks without getting shitfaced (and smoking lots), but I am inordinately proud of the fact that I can drink at home without feeling the need to overdo it these days. Usually.

Having said that, I am Not Good at sharing a bottle of wine with DH and generally feel hard done by if he has his fair share.

Sorry, that's a bit lame. But I really do not get out enough.

Feeling a bit more normal.

folic you have given me hope that I can do much better and it will be worth it. Defo agree with it from a mental health point of view as well.

jars, I hear you!

PS (ok, you can laugh, I can't shut up - am even a binge poster ffs)

ANyway, PS folic have you had any more thoughts on easing the stress, workwise? Your job sounds like it demands a lot

I don't have any real plans to relieve work stress apart form get up duff and be off on mat leave and come back with a new don't give a fuck perspective.

I know that's not much of a plan really.

Right well, after saying just yesterday evening that I would not be peeing on any sticks, and would be patiently waiting until period- I caved.

And.....it looks as though I'm pregnant.

and of course

Spotting has completely gone and due period today. Have absolutely zero symptoms, apart from boobs are bursting out bra.

Dunno what else to say really. Quietly deeeelighted.

Goooooooooood Morning!!! Holy Moly, I'm out for a day & you lot have a par-tay without me - sniff!

And Tante I'm reporting you to WA... "Wholegrains Anonymous"

I have to agree I am wondering how I will cope with the "not drinking" thing too during pregnancy. I bloody love wine and have never knowingly turned it down...I don't generally drink shitloads because a) Mr Loopy & I don't get out much, fucking saddos that we are only have a small, social circle and b)Mr Loopy doesn't generally drink much (he likes the odd beer but can take or leave it) except on the rare occasion when he is on lad's night out. But I do lurve

I also used to live with an violent alcoholic - this is not a whole sob story, just a statement of fact. He used to go out on the piss for days at a time, come back, pick a fight with me & get abusive (verbally/physically) AND I've had several jobs in pubs & seeing the very worst of people as drunks has made me more conscious of how much I'm drinking.

I drink on a Friday/Saturday/Sunday night (few glasses of wine or couple of beers) and won't drink in the day except if we are out on a special occasion. I get home late every night so I really just want my bed, rather than alcohol.

God, that makes me sound so boringly sensible
smug & puritanical. Although (and feels the need to prove she belongs here)I don't usually drink loads (except when out for parties/clubbing), I will still miss it - but am hoping the sheer joy of finally becoming pregnant will overcome my over the lack of wine in my life for 8-9 months. Chocs did say alcohol won't even touch the baby for the first 5 weeks - I LOVE that

(Ponders...) Why are my long posts not as entertaining as Tante's? I'm never going to make it as a bestselling novelist!

Bet I've sent you all to sleep now (snooze........)