Whisky-drinking Silk-cut smoking foul-mouthed 30-something hitherto unsuccessful TTCer seeks like-minded companions. Babydusters need not apply.

[BlooferLady]

Now then you lot. I've got a 40 pack of menthol fags from my mate that just got back from Croatia, a slightly dusty bottle of Bison Grass vodka I'm not sure what to do with, and a carrier bag full of cheap eBay pregnancy tests.

Obviously it's a bit lonely in here at the moment so I'd be glad to see anyone, but please be assured that given I've been pissing on my own fingers trying to aim it onto the bloody eBay tests for a year now to no avail, those in the first month of trying for their fourth child might be met with a) a stony stare followed by b) convulsive bouts of weeping .

Disclaimer: you don't actually need to be a smoker. I'm not some kind of maniac.

That's dedication Sherry. We'd probably just get drunk and pass out sans shag. Next time I OV I'll be away for work so it's this month or April next chance. Bloody annoying.

OMG that is dedication!!! If I suggested that to my hubby, he'd be like "WTF"?!! Do neither of you get carpet burns or you take them as collateral damage "for the cause???

Silently shagging on the floor next to my parents' marital bed was the low point in our TTC campaign, and possibly in my OH's life.

Carpet burns are just the price you have to pay though..I am a master of Grin and Bear It. I have to get what I want after all, and I never want to 'deflate' my OH by complaining at any point.

Luckily he's always able to perform. (His private nickname for himself is 'the Postman, because he always delivers'.) I may have already told you that.

Looks like I might be OV'ing v. v. soon - got an almost +ve OPK this am - on CD11!! Last month I OV'd on CD22!

So if it happens in next few days, at least we might be spared the carpet shag in someone else's house!

"Luckily he's always able to perform. (His private nickname for himself is 'the Postman, because he always delivers'.) "

HAHAHA!!!!! Even better than royal mail I'd imagine, lol!!!!

Nice one Sherry, better to shag in the comfort of own home when you can BE AS NOISY AS YOU LIKE

I got a smiley yesterday, so I really must have not ovulated last week due to stress so here we are again. Got a shag in last night, but OH away to watch footy tonight so there'll be no chance. Not sure if he's going nto be up for a hungover quickie before work but I'll make the moves, ignore the dog breath and see what's what.

I'm a trooper.

Folic - you are a trooper. A girl has just got to do what a girl has got to do.

For some people it really is a case of just a few glasses of wine and a well-timed shag, but that's not the case for us.

For us, it's mortal combat, no holds barred. We laugh in the face of parents in the next room/beer breath.

This time it's personal. You've got to take no prisoners. Show your ovaries who's boss.

That's an order soldier!

Suh yus suh!

Morning (afternoon) all! How's it going?

Hi Loopy, nice to meet you. Pass the tequila, will you?

I tried to post the other day, then some idiot phoned me and my phone ate the post.

There are some committed shaggers in here. Respec'. We have my mum over once a week and it is very hard to persuade DH to get jiggy on those nights, so I am in awe of the grim determination involved in the towel-on-the-floor approach.

High fives for all that ovulating as well. Looks like it's going to be a good month.

I have a week until I can do a bloody stupid early POAS but I'm going to see if I can make myself put it off until the 24th. But I have not started buying Poundland sticks (yet) this month.

I have made a gynae appointment for March as the abdominal pain I have is getting worse and worse, I'm getting dizzy frequently and generally feel awful because I am clearly not long for this world-- [hypochondriac]. Do I call my GP as well or just grit my teeth and put up with it? I am not sure any more that it IS gynae related but wondering if it is something else.

Hi Jars - You're not hypochondriac - there are a number of things it could be, you know yourself if it's abnormal. Could be ulcer, appendicitis, IBS, endometriosis, Crohn's, a torsion, a cyst, and infection...ooops, didn't mean to panic you. It's probably nothing. Ignore it.

No don't - go to the GP and s/he can put your mind at ease and if there's something to treat, they'll treat it.

+++++

I had another strong line today, but not a +ve on the OPK. Soon, little egg.

+++++

FS has told me to up the Clomid dose to 100mg next cycle. Time to go large. Bring it on!

Oooh I'm pissed off. I said cheekily I thought to DH if he fancied a quickie, he had the fucking cheek to look pained by the thought.

FFS. So, I know I'm sounding unreasonable here, but if I can't on here, where can I? So, that means we shagged right last week- including me being late for work one day- thinking I was ovulating- but due to fucking bloody work- didn't and then this FF and CB tell me I'm going to ov 18-20 and this is now 20 and we've done it once. FFFFFFFFS.

Jars defo get thee to a doctors-abdo pain should get checked out.

Sherry Go go large on clomid!

How is everyone else? loopy, tante, phoebe

I intend on having a few bottles of beer, oh yes.

Oh and This was this evening, not this morning. Pfffft.

Take your clothes off Folic, maybe he'll change his mind.

It might not be too late to catch the little egg.

He's out- watching the footy. ARSEnal.

I've been with my 8 months pregnant friend. Yes really.

Your life sounds like mine - I still haven't OV'd so will have to deploy the bathtowel on the floor 'shag rag' and chair against the door while we're in London this weekend.

And yes, we're going for a Christening. And yes, she conceived on honeymoon..!

hello comrades-in-arms, how are we all? (slurps tequila, wipes mouth, passes to Jars)

Oh Folic that sounds like a tricky one-the least he could have done is left you a specimen! Grab the turkey baster & the job's a good-un!!! Oh if only it were that easy

I'm ok-sort of, thanks for asking Sherry & thanks for the welcome Jars. Have been a bit quiet this week as am preparing for an important interview (not important cos I'm a CEO of a company or anything but important cos I fucking despise my job!).

I've also got a confession to make: this is not the only thread I go on...(cowers in preparation for abuse). I don't go on the babydusters threads, fear not, but a weight watchers one as I have a few stone to lose & I'm pathetically hoping it will help with the TTC. I should rename myself Lardyla not Loopyla!

Also will have done a round of the pill this month-"what the hell are you doing on this thread" I hear you cry! Because of the depo wrecking my cycles (drama queen, moi?!) & having no periods or ikkle eggs, the docs think 3 months of the pill might help kickstart my periods & therefore ovulation...that's the theory anyway! So where the rest of you are praying not to have periods atm, I am! What a fraud...but only temporarily I promise.

Hi LL - I have heard that theory about the pill too, and aim to go on for 3-6 months later this year if Clomid doesn't work.

I'm also dieting - I weigh 12"13 at 5"3 so weight might be a part of my problem. That's why I'm risking life and limb - or at least my trousers and dignity - by taking Xenical!

CD13 for me, no sign of OV so will be on shag duty in London - MIA until next week, so have a good weekend all - I'll be necking the classic Champagne and Valium cocktail (oh really!!)

Lawks Loopy and Sherry I'm dieting too in an effort to aid the ole TTC. Just old fashioned eating less and exercising more. it doens't take long for me to fall off wagon if I booze though so trying to stock up on the virtual drinks here .

loopy the pill? how very dare you hopefully that will kick start your stubborn ovaries into giving up a few eggs. It's amazing the hormonal shit we have all put our bodies through over the years in order not to get up the duff, pill, injections, implants etc. Whe i think of all the different pills I've had over the past 15 years, seems mad. When is your job interview?

Anyhoo all fine in Folic Towers. I was out tonight with childfree friends. Whoop whoop.

sherry enjoy the shag rag!

Hope everyone else is well- Phoebe, just send a sign, you don't have to chat x

(see what you did there? you made me put a kiss. I'm gettng soft...)

Champagne & Valium cocktail? Sounds perfect, I'll have one poured over crushed ice please, with a slice of lime...@7am? Yeah why the hell not?!!

Interview is at 1pm so bricking it (without the aid of Xenical, ha ha ha!) basically...

Will post this evening...seems like there's just the 4 of us in this olde cocktail bar at the mo :(

Knock em dead at 1pm loopy

I'm still here, don't worry.

Sorry I haven't been around, I've been a bit busy in real life (pesky work, darned sick people) and just kind of quietly processing.

Anyway, we had a really good follow-up appointment with a consulatant with a special interest in early menopause on Wednesday. To be honest I wasn't expecting it to be that useful, I thought we wouldn't really get any answers, but she was great.

She said, quite bluntly, but nicely, that there wasn't any point in more IVF for us. She also said that I had done as well on clomid (which I took for a couple of months before IVF) as I had on IVF (actually better, 4 follicles each month on clomid). I'd noticed that myself, obviously, so was glad she picked up on it. Apparently I responded quite atypically to clomid, most women with high FSH don't do well, so she's suggested a few more cycles just to see.

So, it's not completely over, although she did say she expects my periods to stop before I'm 40 (I'm 37) and talk me through what to expect symptom-wise.

She's also referred us both for counselling, which I think is good. We're coping, but only just, and I'm really worried about MrC. This has hit him in a way that all the years of trying never have. I just don't think it's as real for the men, because they don't have the physical experience. They can forget about trying if they want, while we're counting everything in cycle days and noticing every twinge and sensation.

My darling younger sister (with gorgeous three year old twins concieved second month trying) has offered me her eggs (we'd have a much better chance with better eggs) but I don't want to do it.

Anyway, enough about me.

Loopy hello, don't be put off by me, just an old soak from the last chance saloon.

Really impressed by the dedication to shagging, girls. We'll be joining you again next month back on clomid with the "I don't care if you don't feel like it, today's the day" attitude.

Folic thanks for keeping and eye out for me and the kiss, you soppy bugger. As for you fella, well, they just don't get it, do they.

I'm trying to lose weight too. I put on a stone during treatment and since I only made 2 eggs I really can't blame stimulation, it's really much more about comfort eating and cake. I've started running again, which is great, I really missed it, so hopefully that'll help.

Oh FFS, I'd written this lovely long post, with individual shout-outs.

To summarise:

Phoebe, and I feel for you both. You're right, it is different for men and I'm not surprised MrC is feeling dreadful. You sound like you're both so strong for each other, though. Good news about trying the Clomid for another few cycles, but early menopause awful. Bless your sister.

Loopy, how did it go? Interesting about the pill... hmm.

Folic, same here: TWICE this month. Grr. [clearly not trying chez Jars emoticon]

Sherry, how's the Xenical working out? Hope you're maintaining dignity and avoiding white trousers.

Wish me luck, this weekend I get to hang out with two friends who are due in March. That'll be fun, won't it? I wonder what we'll talk about.

Have lovely weekends and hopefully lots of useful shagging will occur.

Will write a longer post later especially as my interview is so small in comparison to all other problems but I think I cocked it up :( Will explain more later but if someone could dust off the chaise longue & the Absinthe, I'd be grateful :*(

Absinthe? Bloody hell, girl. Sit down here, smoke this, drink that and take a breath.

It might be okay: I know someone who tripped up full length into the interview room, landing on her face, and still got the job.

Come and tell us all about it.

Thanks Jars - and Phoebe lovely to see you back, you have been missed.I know you're thinking "but this is the 1st time we've met" but I was enjoying the thread when I was stalking the lot of you before I formally introduced myself.

And I don't want to offer crappy platitudes but it really does sound like you are doing the right thing for you, right now.

Sherry/Folic - Funny how we are all thinking the same thing re: weight. However, only pregnancy would be a good enough reason for me to give up my vino - I love the relaxation empty calories wine gives me!!!

Eurgh,my interview :(
So I had a competency based interview & 2 tasks that we couldn't prepare for. The first set of questions absolutely threw me (they were probably thinking "why are we wasting our time on this dumb-arse chick??!", the 2nd set was ok & I gave solid answers, then 1st task I fucked up but then the 2nd task I think I redeemed myself...so feeling a smidge better than when I first came out of it....

The thing is I've been in the company 7+ years, they've NEVER given me any promotion-I've only ever taken side steps, and if I don't get this job, I will be stuck in a crappy, boring job with a twatty manager who doesn't know his arse from his elbow - grrrr....

I HAVE looked for other jobs but it's really bleak out there & so many people are fighting for them...

Bollucks.

Sorry for being all self-pitying and wallowing. As I said, I know we are all trying to do something far more important but I feel so rubbish & lack self-confidence.

Eurgh!

Sounds grim, sorry you had such a bad time. Mind you, the company sounds grim, too. You have my sympathies.

Well, I'm out this month. My period arrived this morning, 5 days early, the bastard. NOT impressed.