30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

Oh hey I didn't think of that, Owly...there won't be anyone waiting for me anyway. Hmmmm. Can he be roused though, I wonder?

Muse another baybee? Where?!

Morning ladeez,

Another PESH baybee - spiffing news!

Thanks for all the comments about Teh Oral. For the record the boyf doesn't hurl a phlegmy up me fango & I do not drool like a Doberman over him . Salad I think this could be a question for you to ask the FC, that should ease your nerves .

I'm getting a bit nervous about FCTrilogy Thursday too. I was all confident & pumped up when I booked the appointment, now I'm starting to get scared & feel silly.

Talking of feeling silly, I haz had a bit of a shock this morning. I put my temp into Fertility Fiend. All the calendar changed colour & said I'd ov'd on CD11. Eh? How does it do that? I'm actually awash with pant snot (CD15) & thought I was still gearing up to the Big O. It said I had 3 days of temp over coverline. I'd always expected a definite increase, together with that + pant snot thought I was more a CD17 ov-er. Blimey, if this is where I've been going wrong all these years.....

To be fair I've had much shorter cycles since stopping Clomid so Fertility Fiend prolly hasn't got the full picture.

Ah well. If I did ov on CD11 I've SWI on CD7, 9 & 11, so given myself a good chance.

Very .com this morning....

Morning fellow Hags. Another BESH baybee, cool! Must be VAG's go next.

Good luck today Molesworth, I hope it goes ok.

Who else has got FC appt on Thurs? I am getting confuzzled...

Just to add to the spit talk, we used to use the ole spit as a lube (too lazy for foreplay) and it was only when we stopped that we got diffed. Course, it could have just been coincidence. Sorry, prolly doesn't help!

Loz I don't temp I'm afraid so I'm no use...I do sympathise though. It's a bit of a shot in the dark even with a CBFM .

Yes who else is FCing? I need full information for BESHcandle purposes

The FCTrio are me, salad & mountie.

I think! Even I'm getting confuzzled.........

FertilityFiend is confusing Lolz plus it might be lying if you've had a slight cold or closed the bedroom window or slept with your mouth open etc etc.

Another PESHbaybee? Excellent, so, space for 3 new PESHs. And 3 FC BESHappts this week. I see a pattern emerging...

Lolly that sounds v v annoying. At least you've got your SWI bases covered if it does turn out to be right, am v impressed. Goodness, the very thought of shagging unless a stick or gadget told me to seems so long ago..... and what is this foreplay of which you speak Polly ? It is ringing a distant bell...

It's got to be some sort of good omen, the 3 BESH babies out and the 3 BESH lovelies to the FC. I do like a good bit of symmetry... of course, would much prefer an en masse decampment to the deli though.

'Laurie' FF often changes your dates around the more data you give it. It will finally settle on somewhere which is approx right. But the month I had DS I had approx 28-30 days cycles and conceived him on about day 11 I reckon. Whereas this one was conceived on cd 22. T'is all random but I did like the charting, suits my inner geek. Have you got TCOYF?

Anyway, no matter because you have done well timed shagging so will defo get diffed this month.

Lorry FF does play sill beggers with dates etc. How annoying for you! Still, I'm impressed with a potential day 11 OV, mine's always so much later! Can you link to your chart and we'll have a squizz?

mine's here I though I was going to OV today as I normally get two postive OPK's and then OV, but I'm now thinking I perhaps OV'd yesterday given the temp spike today? No matter, we've gone for a record 4 shags (Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon) so don't think I can push for another one tonight anyway! I've still got pant snot today though???

A trilogy of PESH babybees eh? Sweet!

Another humble newbie here but sorry you are having a shit time Aries. Councelling can be really helpful, and TTC is always going to exacerbate any problems. Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

LorryLoadofLuck going to FC is a bit scary but I felt quite empowered and hopeful after going, as if I was finally doing things that might actually work. I did feel weird going - as if there was some mistake and I shouldn't be there? I still feel like that at the moment to be honest - as if the whole things been a mistake and really I was supposed to have my baby by now but the universe didn't know it. Not sure if that makes much sense but there we go.

My claim to fame/shame: Derek Jameson put his arm round me once. I was bathing in bleach for weeks. Oh and Craig Charles (Dave Lister) was in the airport security queue in front of me. He's tiny!

Injections are going ok ish. I can't get over the mental block of injecting myself and it is pissing me off now. Cincotart - where do you do yours? Is belly any better?

Crikey, I am having a most eventful morning! The OM came home an hour late, and I thought oh fuck it all, the boss isn't in anyway, so clambered on. Successfully, for which I think he deserves a medal, given he'd been up for twelve hours and had to walk almost all the way home! Then went out to get bus to work, knickers stuffed with tissue to catch the residue - nice! - and there were on buses. Then found a blind chap right on the edge of the road all in a muddle because he'd got chucked off the tube and couldn't work out what street he wanted, so I waked him home which turned out to be about a mile and a half away. Still, he was good company, and a slow walk is exercise in my book! Will catch up with y'all when I finally make it to work . . .

Pulling a blind man in an attempt to join PESH ranks is a new TTC low banger!

Your kindness has brought tears to my eyes Bangers damn you!

Needs must when the devil drives, Ski A blind man is better than Shagging RandomsTM, huh?

HB, I think you will defo win a baybee this cycle - you, for your Good Samaritan-icity, OM for his bravery in the face of tired TTC.

Huzzah for PESH Trilogy! (And not just because it frees up some spaces, heheh)

Lozza, I feel your FF pain. Me and it are locked into a battle to the death. Or to the diff (hurhur). The FC things must be v scary, but remember that it takes you one step closer to your goal (finding out if spit kills spermzzz. Sorry, winning a baybee).

GOOD LUCK, LurkyMole! Just imagine having to teach a class full of us lot at BESHory Towers (I feel it's probably more St BESHians than BESHory Towers, but we can keep kidding ourselves, right?!) and anything after that must be a breeze! I hope you've bought yourself a lovely new pencilcase.

I wonder when I am going to be a grown-up. It has to happen soon, right? I have grey hairs but no other manifestation.

Ski, don't think the thought didn't occur!

Oh shucks Score and beaver, I don't think that was kindness so much as not being a total arse. I was amazed at the number of people apparently not seeing him there. Twats.

Having arrived at work 4 hours later and literally shagged out I now have to go for a Smart Lunch With Important People. Perhaps I had better renove the wodge of soggy bog-roll from my gusset first .

I agree that the PESH trilogy/FC trio is some kind of amazing augur for the future

An avalanche of baybees in fact!

Scorps I must be a grown up. I have been ringing tradesmen to get them to replace our rotting windows because Mr B is too scared to so I must be. Any grey eyebrow hairs yet? That is truly a bad day when those fuckers start arriving.

Shagging before work eh Bangers? You are insatiable I tell you.

Oooo, I saw a grey eyebrow hair on the OM this morning. Fair put me off my stroke it did . I strongly suspect I am growing grey, but being naturally fair I can't really tell. What REALLY pisses me off is that I am beginning to get a middle-aged complexion (bags under the eyes that don't recede until 6pm, distinct lack of glow, fine lines around eyes) but STILL GET SPOTS?!?!?!? I mean what the fuck ?

Barbie will they be using your tradesman's entrance?

I like your collective name for baybees Sindy, and would also like that to happen in RL. Do you think if there were an avalanche of baybees that they would all be labelled and we could hunt through them all to find the one that belonged to us, or do you think it would be a free for all and you just pick one?

God - you can tell I'm bored huh...

Bangers I have huge amounts of empathy with the midlle aged look and spots. I am currently sporting the buggest zit on my cheek and look like a pre-pubescent teenager. WAAHHH.

Pliz to have a very self-indulgent moan? Mr O has just emailed to say friends have had their 3rd baybee last night. I never knew she was PG (they're old uni mates so not in regular contact!). I feel strangely resentful - not least because had we had instantanous updiffment we too would have been expecting a small bundle of lufferliness this month too. I need to HTFU and stop getting all whenever I hear someone is updiffed or just sprogged but there just seems to be so many of the buggers that I feel it's always being rubbed in my face.

Am going to make a gin and tonic to steady the nerves. Anyone care to join me?

OMG - pliz forgive the typo's. Am clearly being affected by the middle of the afternoon drinking.

HB, my face is exactly the same. Spots and wrinkles, spots and wrinkles. I can't remember seeing any adults with spots when I was younger (except one young teacher with v bad skin) and yet I'm still a spotbeast and most adult women I know now still get them. Yeah, you can blame hormones, but I have a sneaking suspicion that our mothers had hormones too and they weren't zitty in their 30s Mind you, TYF still gets spots too at 28, so it's not just women. Grrrrrr.

DollFanny, I don't have any grey eyebrow hairs or pubes yet, thank Charlie Mouse. I don't bother dying my hair. My Mum's hair is silvery-white now (a lovely shade). I used to wonder why she didn't dye it, when I was younger but now I understand: a) it's not important and b) who can be arsed to get it dyed all the time? Last time I did it, my greys just went salmon pink, which looked far worse

Grey eyebrow hair? When Mr Owlshoes and I started dating I used to jokingly refer to him as the silver fox. Ah well.

Bangers your hubbie def. deserves a medal. Perhaps we could fashion him one out of red bull, pro-plus and amphetamines?

Also, perhaps zits indicate marvellous youthful hormones and thus better odds on updiffage. Perhaps. Hopefully, cos I have them also.

Orchids Yes; gin please. All Mr Owl's workmates have updiffed wives and they are all younger than we are - he seems to be telling me about another one every bloody week. Gin, stat!

Morning all!

Right, quick-sticks BESHies, there are 3 vacanies on the PESH team, so if you want to join the Summer Term baby-laying tournament, you will need to sign up in the crush hall straight away!

Also, is there a plan for the new fred? I might suggest perhaps a cult or sect: The Tao of BESH...select a charismatic leader, and at the start we could draw up 4 Noble Truths; 5 Pillars of BESHdom; Eightfold Path of Diffment; 10 Commandments etc. Would provide a good opporunity to emphasis the B of the BESH...

I know I am currently on my way to escaping Samsara, but as a 'Senior' BESH , I like to keep my hand in (fnaar).

LOVE it, ChoChoTrain (you can keep your hand in anytime, SNURK )!

I want to take up one of those vacancies, but I fear it's going to prove to be like my PhD funding - the offer is open but I can't come up with the goods (cash or baybee).

How many times do I have to tell you Scorps...you just need to relaxandit'llhappen ffs...have you learned nothing?

Aaaaaah, that's better. I feel completely calm now. You're right, relaxing does help, Cho. Cho? CHO? Oh my god, who's done this to you?