30s TTC: Back to school at BESHory Towers. For spiffing gels who've been TTC since before rationing ended and find conception harder than Double Latin, chiz . What ho!

[Scorpette]

Come along, we haven't got all day. Pop off your blazers and straw boaters for a mo and listen up. As Head Girl, I think you ought to know that my dear chum Darrell Rivers tells me that we're really letting the side down with our lack of baybee-winning. To that end, instead of prep and lacrosse, we'll be TTC. I know some of us are losing hope that we'll ever win the Motherhood Cup for our house, but chins up and think of England! We don't won't to end up like the bitter, childless, dried-up old spinsters running this place, do w... oh, hello Matron! Yes, yes, we're going now...

Super! We've been given the attic dorm - bagsy the bed by the window, what! We won't be disturbed when we're enjoying midnight feasts, unbridled lesbianism, pillow fights and sneaking in fellows from the nearby boy's school for some ghastly dreadfulness.

So let's pop some Joyce Grenfell on the gramophone and crack open the tuck boxes! Mater's made me a huge ginger cake and oooh, I see someone's brought pontefract cakes! Yummo! Humbugs, sherbet, elderflower fizz, eccles cakes, a whole slab of choccy - what a simply smashing haul! Hmmm, this ginger beer smells suspiciously gin-like...

Oh yes

Oh good, I was wondering where Bangers had got to.

I liked the little lurker voice.

Did you want to know about IUI OneLeggedFairy? I'm feeling very needy and a bit sad today. Think a kick up the arse might help.

Errr...just seen one of my posts has been deleted, no idea why, how do I found out?

Morning BESHlies (and excellently named late night lurkers).

HopOn & AnchorsAweighAries I agree with you on the not shagging enough; the only time we've ever managed to shag more than 2 days in a row was on honeymoon :/

Bangers you nutter, if you only eat a banana and turkish delight your body will panic, think there is a famine coming and go into Emergency Fat-Storing Mode - then when you do eat something calorific it will stash the whole lot on your hips ready for later use. Eat more! Carbs, woman! Tsk. :)

My BIL has just lost literally stones of weight in the last 6 months doing Weight Watchers (doesn't go to the meetings I don't think but has been v.careful with the food).

Feckering feck it is 10.15 and I am still in my dressing gown, today is not going well.

cinquecento if it was on that AIBU thread I would probably let it go in the interests of diplomacy :)

Banger, Hopon I too have to clamber on & reduce self.

Actually the boyf told me to clamber on t'other night. I told him I wasn't allowed as it wasn't the best position. He reckons I'm just lazy .

cinco haz you been a naughty girl? Do you need a spanking?

'Ere Barbarella have an Irish coffee and a glimpse of my bosom. I liked the little lurker voice too . What is wrong, luvver? (Apart from obv.) If you can muster the strength, yes, would be good to know what's in store for me.

Cink I assumed it was summat to do wif that ofer fred.

It was a general comment about AIBU as a forum and not directed at anyone in particular so I'm surprised it has been deleted. Not trying to stir anything I'm just trying to find out why as seems to me anyone could report a post and it's deleted with no reason given. I've contacted MNHQ so will not talk about it here.

You know wot, Laurie I will start clambering on, 'cause I like it, and it's not like following all the advice helped! So there. Lurkers may know all about our pozish habits .

So it's three of us trying to reduce self? I wonder if we can think up some BESH strategies, short of sending all the baked goods to MountTheAriel.

In haste ... SW is the absolute bidnit, HopOn (though 'course lots find others work just as well). Basically, you can eat yourself silly on plates and plates of very wholesome delish food and still lose weight, and you don't often need to weigh or count anything, and because it's not a point-limit or calorie-limit there's never that ghastly feeling at the end of the day that you're hungry and you cannot eat more.

I lost 3.5 stone and never did any effing exercise the whole time, which obviously I don't recommend but does demonstrate that it works!

Me and MrsFC go to one where you don't have to hang around and talk to people about your food choices - you just drop in and get weighed and bugger off. Suits me.

Pliz someone reassure me that you can still get a duffle clambering on ? I thought it was an old wives' tale that he needed to go on top. It's what works for the OM you see lazy sod.

owl I would count a 10.15 in your dressing gown day as a good day

Morning Haglets. I iz on holiday but TG has finally coughed up for t'internet access, huzzah! Jeez you lot can talk... it has taken me an age to catch up.

Salad so glad the book arrived ok. I hope you have read and inwardly digested. I will be testing later

I hope you have all recovered from the AIBU horribleness of yesterday. That was a very good reminder to me of why it Is Not Safe to venture outside of the Palais. Twas very nice of Lizzy to come over though, she can visit again.

Salts how are the symptoms today? I agree that creamy pantsnot and sore boobage = very good, do you have anything else to add?

Am I too late for Lorry's gin-soaked donuts?

Oh yes, and in other news IT IS MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! What shall we do to celebrate? Actually, as I will be 39 I think perhaps commiserating would be a better idea.

I heart SW too - big plates of pasta, nom nom.

I think you can even get diffed standing up . I too quite enjoy a good ole clamber, but t'other night I was feeling particularly lazy

Oh yes I think on top works well - several of the FESH/PESHes all won a baybee by doing it the 'wrong way up'. I fink it was Ski and Iggy and another couple maybe. Apols, my memory is failing.

Oh yes we deffo need to be posting trays of flapjack to DeathOfRodHull (anyone? Anyone?! ).

39 is no age PoleStar, no age at all! In my line of work I frequently meet people in their late 40s who're just setting out on new careers and whatnot. And one of my best pals is about to turn 50 but it doesn't stop him being a supercool DJ. And I'm in love with a 55 year old but let's not discuss that again.

Polly! Happy Holibobs & Happy Birthday (did you say 29 ). The last gin-soaked donut may be a but hard now, but I'll stick a candle in it anyway.

Am very btw. Both for that and posting last night...now feel incredibly guilty about having a couple of drinks and smoking a fag, sounds terrible when having AC.

Anyways hello bangers. Work....WORK you say, whatever next. Echo the eat more food line tho, your body will grab hold of whatever calories you are inputting and store as fat immediately

BB you have the pre iui blues lovely? Hoping beyond hope that it'll all be cool and you'll be a first time winner.

loz Yep I'll bend over (again, getting to be a daily habit ). Have too had many an occasion where I've told Mr T that I can't go on top as won't work due to spillage ishoos, he also thinks I iz a lazy cow

2woofl update. 8 DPIUI. Still no symptoms...well other than very vivid dreams, waking loads in the night and needing to pee, slightly hurty norks (always a bit like this) and extremely bloated belly. 2woofling no fun this month though as any symptom at all can be put down to the progesterone, harumph. And I've had all these before with nothing to show for it. Looking like IUI round 3 coming up

I sooo need to work on my typing speed.

Happy birthday for tomoz polly. My nan just inverts her age now as was 57 on Monday Perhaps we should do that...so let me see 39 is er...p'raps not then.

Sorry for the pathetic attention seeking, yes just feeling a bit wibbly about it all. Thankyou muchly for ClimbAboard, Hoot Tarty, et al. Just can't understand how it has come to this point really, and where the fuck did all those years go. I mean my SIL is pregnant and she didn't even know my brother until after we had started TTC and now here she is about to go for her first scan. I think it's the excitement wearing off and The Fear setting in. I'll STFU now. Cinquecento signs sound good but I know that Progesterone is an absolute headfuck so won't stoke the mental. Just keep my fingers crossed.

Whoop for PrettyPolly's birthday! Here's a large Vodkatini with a sparkler in it for you!

Bangers I lost a stone with SW before and didn't feel particularly deprived on it at all. I didn't go to classes just stole someone's diet tips book.

JumpOnTinkerbell will post some IUI stuff laterz.

Ooh and Lyra and Scorps have emailed my friend about how to swap fertility units and how to lobby your PCT about funding. She's got her hands full with her brand new OMG IVF TWINZ!!111!!LOL so it might be a few days before she responds.

Thanks for emailing Stinky, very good of you. I had a wobble last night when HO's cousin phoned to tell us that his wife is updiffed.

I am happy for them, I am I am I AM, but she seems to be one of those women who has had a life plan since she was 18, and thus far it has all slotted perfectly into place for her: a 1st from a good uni, travelling, doctorate, dream job, well paid, lovely home, pregnant straight after 30th birthday.

Oh and she is absolutely gorgeous, a size 8 with amazing hair and curves and 30F boobs. Thus far her only pregnancy symptom has been "no sickness, just even bigger boobs" .

I know she has created some of her own good fortune, by working hard and being smart; and being gorgeous and meeting the right man in your teens is pure luck - but either way, it's hard not to envy all of that.

Green Lyra .

We're supposed to be meeting them for a drink on Monday, and I'm not sure I can face it :(. Oops making myself cry at desk now. Shut UP Lyra.

So no speshul recipes, Banger that you would only ever make on SW and never ever again? I think I found a drop-in one in my hood. As for OM, I guess they are all alike . I was pretty convinced that I read somewhere reliable, like MN or Baby Centre that there ain't no way when on top. But I may be wrong. I think the logic was that it all comes out that instant, and boys are not given even a starting chance. BUT I did not know that there was a few PESH win 'the wrong way' so all the experts in the world can sodoff if this is how PESHes win. And ma' maaahn likes it. (Poor bastard never gets his way.)

Cincklets I like your drink n' post. 'Tis cheery. Well, I did not smoke / drink / naught and naught indeed happened, so now my philosophy is do whateva' relaxes you and it'll end in diff. Then you can be goody two boobs.

My age is exactly the same inverted .

IUI candles goin' up.

Now I need to ring a potential employer and ask for 2 more weeks holidayz pliz.

Lyra I know I should say something sensible, but can I instead just join in hating her?

I'm going to be contromoversial here - I don't like going on top. Never have done (is not a body issue thing). TYF doesn't like it either.

POOFACE! You're always on holibobs (not that I can fault you)! Wise choice, with Boo Two on the way, cos holidaying might be too stressful for a while next year :) I wish I'd known earlier it's your b-day tomoz, cos would've sorted out wonderfulnesses. Now I'm just going to get you some out of date Polish kitkat-ripoffs from Jack Fulton (please tell me someone knoweth of the dire chav discounter) If you can't come online tomorrow, or don't want to, BAPPY HIRTHDAY! Do you want your birthday lezzings now or tomorrow... ?

Cinco, good for you asking MNHQ abour why your post was deleted. Dunno if you'll get anywhere though. I think someone/some folk got a bee in their bonnet about us and went a bit reporting-crazy. I remember the post that's deleted and it wasn't rude, inflammatory or anything, so is odd. Perhaps this isn't the place to try to recruit people into Combat-18?

Cindy'sQuim, you've been so low. So it's extra-touching that you've been asking your OMG-TWINZ pal for advice and info for others Your SIL is taking the fucking piss, mind. I think she should give you that baby at the very least.

Waaaah, TYF just popped in unexpectedly cos he'd forgotten something! I leapt up shouting 'I'm not in my nightie watching This Morning and you can't prove it!' To his credit, he just laughed and smooched me. Awwww, I love-a mah man