1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

polly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look, you made me commit the sin of multiple!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm that excited for you. Will have a proper looksee at your pics later. Who'd have thunk it? A RL baybee.

twinks good to see you again. Glad you had a nice hol. You can have a fish-slap for thinking you're a wimp though - nothing of the sort my luvver.

lyra nice to know you're still stalking lurking away. Hope you're OK & everything is as well as can be, x

farmgirl bastard droid. I agree with poll that when the droid arrives & you realise the next step is to acksherlly go to the FC is horrible. I also had a massive slump. Then I had a high as the appointment approached feeling I was kind of back in control & actively doing something. But beware, I'm currently in another slump as still no baybee. I kind of thought the FC would work its magic & I'd be diffed before I found my way out of the maze of corridors. The FC route is a roller coaster for sure. So buckle up & join me & my Sept 9th appointment twins for the menkal.

Despite thinking the boyf was a twat last night we still managed teh secks. Woop woop!

Lots of fish-slaps & nipple tweaks around but no massive buzwams as ordered. So here's a knock out pair for you all to embrace.

Pollster that's amazing! How cool and you look great! (If you are the person in the black dress, that is.)

Wellcome back Twinkle. I guess OV is good... but I am sure it must be stressful. Are you thinking of giving yourself a TTC break?

Downer, yeah, I know, the BESHies seemed all bitter (sorry gals) when I first joined mumsnet all bright-eyed and fresh-faced (although still prone to puking at the mention of baby dancing BLEURGH). But now I am the bitter one, not the lovely BESHes, who are stoic, courageous, charming, high achieving, perfect mothers to be who either are already diffed or will all soon be! I do think it is a 'normal' path to go through. They do say that 1-2 years is a normal time to wait for updiff, and I think BESHies prove it by getting diffed in the second year even if they did not in the first. A lot of us are in the similar stage as you: somewhere between 1st and 2nd FC appointment. I only had mine 2 weeks (ish) ago. They just seem to be super efficient, despite the admin cock ups. At the end of the day, like someone said, it could be really minor. I know I keep on repeating this, but when I lived in foreen parts things like dildocam etc. came as standard at regular check ups every 6 months! So you will be doing those basic tests to start with... But why am I blabbing when I could be fish slapping?

What day is your appointment RompInTheHaystack?

AT a similar stage. Sorry.

'Tis Thursday this week.
I'm feeling better already, obviously in v good company.
Pol wonderful pic - a real baybee!

Hello Lozzer, gin-soaked donut? Glad you managed to have The Secs, even though boyf still a twat. Have you forgiven him yet?

Fanku MountMe, yep that is me in the black dress. I was having a bad hair day and looked about 60, so cut head off pic.

CuntreeGirl good luck with the appt on Thurs, glad you are feeling a bit better about it. Hopefully the thought of it will be worse than the actual event.

I am very impressed with HB managing not to eat whole tray of flapjack. I am gripped (again) by sugar craving so will have to go bake. Man, I love the cake.

OoooooH! I saw a real BESH in a photo! And a baby one! Beautiful photo Polly how amazing you can see all that detail already.

FarmersMarket let us know how it all goes on Thursday won't you? Here's the Pants of Fortitude - don't look too closely at them, I'm sure that stain is just some Twirl melted on the gusset or something.

LetUsSeeYourTwinkle glad to see you back, I was wondering how you were getting on. Perfectly understandable to be feeling wibbly about trying again. I saved you the remaining Blue Whale eye

I was Brave and went to lunch. And it was fine! I think they had been briefed not to rant on about babies too much and it was ok. Phew. Well done me I managed to have lunch with some friends without crying, and yes I am 34 years old. What's next for me, going to the toilet unaided?

polly don't mind if I do have a gin-soaked donut. Fanks.

Good luck for Thurs farmgirl. You're in very, very good company, if I say so meself

stinky well done on lucnh without tears. Don't underestimate it. You're only allowed to the toilet unaided if its for some cervix / droid rummaging time.

I've just discovered the delights of Fertility Friend. Oh, there's charts & diagrams aplenty. However, they put a little love heart when you've had the sexy time. Just threw up a little.......

Fertility Fiend you say? Good fun until it all descends into madness and you end up altering what you thought your cervix position last Thursday was so that it correlates to when you think you ovulated and you get a high score for your sexy times. I liked ticking the boxes for "moody" "alcohol consumed" and so on. And you're right the graphs are pretty and the photos showing how early people got their postives on piss sticks is good.

I've never had a little love heart . I thought it was bad enough that the sexy time row was marked BD, hearts is way too far.

They could have marked it with a little penis or something. That would be nice.

Or a squirting bottle of Elderflower Jizz.

Hoorah for MiniPol ! Come on you lot, who's next?

I once filled in one temp reading on Fertility Fraud but have utterly failed to either a: take temp or b: record temp on graph thingy since. Ah well.

Tis possibly for the best if it has barfy hearts on it.

Well done Wizzle - perhaps they were silenced by the awesome and terrifying sight of the giant BESHpants you were wearing?

Sorry, am having a distracted day and forgot to say hooray for the Shrimp! I've probably forgotten lots of other things too, so I'll just bash you all round the head with some of HB's frozen flapjack before I run away with them to stuff my face.

A real baybee in the tum tum? Good lord! Well done Pol!

LyraSilvertongue you go and relax on your holiday. Snogs.

Now then - teh Secs. I think I'm ovulating - there's egg white and everything. But.....my dad's staying here!!!! I can'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan't! And according to the Daily Mail, my fertile window as a woman who is 35 is about nine nanoseconds. What to do? Give it a miss this month? It's the first time I've had egg white for ages - does that mean you're definitely ov-ing, does anyone know? I tried FF - I signed up and was bombarded with 18 emails, which I stopped reading. I'm ashamed of my lack of dedication and application to a task

Can you send your dad out to the pub for an hour or something? Or put something in his drink so he'll sleep so soundly you can be sure he'll never notice a thing? (not that I expect he would anyway, but it might reassure you).

I don't know whether egg white guarantees you're ov-ing, but it's a pretty good sign. Sounds like a challenge to SWI regardless!

Oooh, ArialChick it's a toughie. I have had the same problem and did not SWI that month. But me mum was right next door. Is your housing situaishon any more generous than ours? Dunno if egginess deffo means you are ovulating, but points at the hormones being aligned in the right order, me thinks. Are you quite up for it too? Seems to be a sign for me .

Or what Oc said. Why did I not think of sending me mum out ? Does sound like the most elegant solution. You know people in RL laugh at me when I say we never manage to SWI, but seriously, we'd have clocked up a lot more than 8-9 month actually trying by now were there not for so many distractions! I'd say go for it girl!

If it helps the BESHes will form the rest of the audience. Oh, we'll be nice to your dad, bring popcorn an' all.

I'd say a stealth shag is in order rie, go for it. Sounds like too good an opportunity to miss. Can you get your dad drunk so he passes out?

Have you had a nice time with AuntyStinkypants, Luella? No, don't wrap all your legs around her neck, darling, that's not nice. And why is there dried ice-cream all around your beak?

Phew, she's a real handful. Her big sister Clothilda is so placid and easy-going, so it's been a big shock to the system. Am glad her persence helped you get through the babybonanza meeting this lunchtime

Ooh a perfunctory dutiful quickie in total silence. I can hardly wait!

I am sure some of the best minds were conceived that way . Really, who was it? I know 'twas one of our own PESHes who said it was after a super dull one.

Just popping in to say hello as I have ManStew's lappi for a bit as he's popped to Sainsburys. Have been thinking of you all but can't get the fred to load on my phone and still don't have lappi back. Am at uni all week this week, driving 90 mins twice a day back and forth to home. Had an exam this morning after about 4 hours sleep last night courtesy of LittleHotPot who is poorly with a stinking stinking cold, I think it went okay but tbh I can't really remember.

The big news is that I Am Not Feeling Sick At All. And I was in hospital by this stage last time so that is encouraging with a big massive E. I am eating every couple of hours (Project Kaftan coming along nicely), necking Vit B6 like there's no tomorrow and, up until this week and uni, was sleeping at lunchtimes when Ministew slept and then being in bed again by half nine! So far that seems to be keeping it at bay so I am thankful.

And that is quite enough of that.

So, what's been occuring?

12pt I quite like le secks when you can't make any noise because of visitors etc. Makes it feel a bit stolen and naughty, etc. Can you go for that vibe? I don't know if it were the good secks or the crap secks that worked for us this time, we did it 5 times and I did indeed endeavour to finish the job off a la pollster 4 of those 5 times, but who knows? It was prob the last crap one where I'd rather have eaten my own cervix than had another orgasm that did it.

Stinkbomb if Fertility Friend will agree to post little cocks on your fertile days instead of hearts then I will join up, and pay them a monthly whatever despite being diffed, just because it would make me laff. I've never been on there, I think for me charting would have just fueled the menkul, tho I know it does the opposite for loads of you.

It occured to me yesterday that we spoke about chiropractors etc a couple of threads back - and if you all recall, I told my McTimoney lady about not being able to diff when she treated me, as I know there's lots of anecdotal stuff saying it can help - well, that was the cycle before I diffed. So far be it from me to encourage any of you to spend money on it, but just as needles work for some, this definitely seems to work for some too. I've heard them quietly tell women to be extra careful with their contraception after treatment if they don't want to get diffed. So I leave that thought with you, just in case it resonates with anyone.

Right, am posting this much then will scroll back a bit further.

Stinky your lunch sounds horrid. Well done for getting through it.

Twinkletwinkle I'm not surprised it feels overwhelming this soon. I think just take each week and month as it comes and see how you feel, you don't have to go for anything you don't want to - be kind to yourself.

Farmerslung how long have you been trying? And have you had bloods etc, did they show anyfink? Will be thinking of you Thurs. And I totally know what you mean about feeling like all the little deadlines that you secretly think will trick the universe biting you on the arse. It sucks and there is No Fucking Justice.

Mountainbar how annoying about your appointment - although, I guess good that it wasn't the tearing emergency we'd feared when you first opened the letter. Still shit though, why can't they get these things right, it's NOT HARD....

downie I know how you feel. We are doing 'everything right' so far this month, (secs twice in 3 days is a pretty massive achievement for us) I am charting and peeing on OPKs so I know I haven't even OVed yet and I am already thinking about how I am going to deal with the disappointment, although the other half is in De Nile and thinks that obviously this will be the month. Stressing over the fact that I am stressing cos everyone know that stress is the best form of womb tefalon. FFS. its a bastard vicious cycle, Less like 2WOOFL and more like NeverEndingOFL. All I can say is you aren't alone and yes there are worse situations to be in but there are also far far better ones so dont feel bad. Plus everyone knows instadiff happens the month AFTER the 1st FC :o

mft glad it was a screw up but bollocks to them for worrying you. Dickheads. Also glad you laurie and I are still on the same day, i find it comforting, sorry if thats selfish!

ohh polly very exciting news re 20 week scan, here have a gin fizz to celebrate :o where is pic? am i being dead thick?

welcome home twinks glad you are felling better but shame you missed the ov.

aries stealth shag could be quite a giggle, wouldn't you feel just a little bit naughty? :o

Cross post cass re the silent secs, glad you are feeling no sickness too.