1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Is it like Caramac?

Mmmmmm, Caramac.

How far along is everyone who recently got diffed? I know Polly said she's about 20 weeks now, what about the others?

Got to meet up with friend going off on maternity leave today - along with several other mothers and a new born. Give me some BESHly strength please? Perhaps the power of Grayskull would help?

Perhaps ScorePops can lend you Luella for a day? At least she is bound to squirt ink over everyone else .

Power of The Gin Bottle is bestowed upon you together with a rolled up twenty just in case you want to snort up that baby dust.

How is lovely Luella this morning, our Scorps?

She's got ink all over my good shoes and keeps nipping me with her beak. And you can't imagine how clingy she is! Being a proper little madam today, aren't you, Luella? You want to go on a trip with AuntyStinker? If you're a good girl, she'll get you some krill!

(I dunno what squids eat. Please don't inform Social Services!)

So that extra appointment at the FC was indeed a mistake. They treated it like my first appointment. Which is weird because it said 'endocrinology' on it, but the nurse said it was nothing to do with my results, but just a mistake appointment. Which I am sure is the case, but a bit of me still wonders...

Anyhoo, 9th September it is, which is not that far!

This should help you Scorps:

"Squid eat shrimp, cod, herring, and sometimes plankton. All squid are carnivorous. Larger squid, such as the Colossal Squid / Giant Squid will eat bigger fish, even whales if they can "take them down". Some people believe that the Colossal Squid / Giant Squid have attacked sailing vessels."

If you have a variety of the above on standby, then Luella will be fine.

I'm running out of irrational things to keep pinning hopes on. I was sure that when we went to the GP to get a referral, it would mean insta-diff. Didn't work.
Lately, I've been secretly hoping that by joining similar BESHs on this thread, it would instantly mean that I'd be updiffed this month, and I'd have to humbly beg your forgiveness for masquerading as a BESH and go join another thread.
Droid arrived last night.
Now I've got to face the possibility that despite acting like rabbits for the whole of the last month(s), we might actually have a problem.
That bit is hard.
We have our first FC appt this week, so all the tests start from here. I've never been pregnant before and nether has DH (you know what I mean). I know many of you have had much more to deal with on this journey, so am well aware that this is just the next step.
Please can I have a fish-slap and nipple tweak, and ample buswams to pin my next hope on?

Also, Scorps, please keep Luella away from batter, deep fat & lemons...

Farmgirl, everyone on this thread has the right to feel worried or wobbly at whatever stage they're at. You shouldn't have to apologise for not being as far along the road as other people. It's not selfish. xx

But you can have a fish-slap and nipple tweak if you really want one. I can go back to Billingsgate for the fish innards if you like?

Excellent, you can give her some small sailing vessels to play with in the bath, y'know, for practicing on.

KneedeepInPigShite exceptionally large boo for the droid - alas, I cannot supply the ample buzzwams you have ordered but will happily supply a selection of feesh and sympathetic tweakage. Very good luck with the FC this week and a lemon sole for your troubles. :)

FarmerWantsADiff, pliz not to apologise: the way of the BESH was made for just this situation. Am very re. the bastarding droid, the cuntish little shit-storm god blast its bleeding eyes. I suppose the way to think of it is that the FC will provide the full MOT and could well identify small tweaks that will help - or indeed identify nothing it all, and bosh, the infamous "I've given up hope oh whoopsy there's a diff" situation.

Either way, lucks and good things to you. The BESH shall not flag or fail; we shall go on to the end, etc. etc. I can't promise I'm going to do a whole lot of fighting on the beaches of France but if it transpires to be a diffular necessity, I am prepared to do so.

In summation, come here for a faceful of herring

Hello everyone else!

Thank you ladies.
I have ordered a large bowl of chips to go with the fish I'm dragging into the pit.
Please cover Luella's eyes.

it at

PS. Wizzle my lovely that sounds like an arse of a day, hope you have some lovely wine in the fridge for later.

Can we just do sunbathing on the beaches of France instead, HB ?

Right that's Luella din dins sorted out, I promise to look after her Scorps.

CountryfileWatcher here have a rotting Blue Whale eye thrown at you as commiserations for droidage. First appointment will be ok, I promise, they usually go over your histories (any STI's, any previous pregnancies, your weight and height, do you smoke, are your cycles regular, are shagging often and in the right hole and so on). They might recommend Clomid next cycle with some monitoring (dildocam/bloodtests) to make sure you're ovulating ok. They usually do a raft of blood tests and get your bloke to JIAP (Jizz in a pot). Good idea to take pen and paper so you know what days you need to sort out blood tests/take any medications/how to do JIAP. Top tip if you don't like bloodtests is to drink plenty of gin water before you go as it's much easier then. I'll lend you my BESH Pants of Fortitude after I've finished with them if you like.

Fairy phew! Glad that was all sorted out and nothings up.

Thanks SaffronBum I've been dreading it for about a million years so it will be a relief once she's off to be honest. Will put my bestest Big Girl Pants on and try to deal with it and not to end up snivelling in the car afterwards like I did last time. Onwards BESHly soldiers....

Thank you Stinky, wasn't quite sure what would happen at this appt other than a blood test.
I will be proud to wear the BESH Pants of Fortitude outside my trousers for all to see and admire at our appt.
Are you wearing a skirt today - tucked into the PoF at the back - would be a more subtle look for lunch with your friends?

No just pants. Don't worry they have a sturdy waistband and are pulled up high to cover me nips so no one will be upset. A further tip for fertility appointments - if you are having a dildocam wear comedy socks. Ones with little dogs on, or big stripey over the knees ones. Makes me feel better anyway.

FarmHand don't beat yourself up - that first FC appointment is not to be under-estimated. I had utter meltdown between droid and appt. I also hoped that I would insta-diff at mere suggestion of FC appt, in fact I hadn't realised how much I'd been clinging to that hope, and it was fucking horrendous when I realised it wasn't to be. I think for me that taking the first step was like admitting that there might be a problem, and that was really tough. Luckily I got diffed just before starting the clomid, so it all worked out in the end. And several of our BESHes have recently diffed just before starting IVF. Fish slaps and nipple tweaks though, if it will make you feel better.

Mountie sorry about the wasted appointment, what a pain in the arse.

Scorps your little Luella is beeyootiful

Oh Congrats Pooface! Cute piccy. Did you find out what flavour you're having?

Hello all, am back from hols and feeling much better. Seems I am already ovulating after the miscarriage but not sure I'm ready to take the plunge again just yet. What a wimp! .

That is just wonderful news Poll, thrilled for you

Fanks Twinks. Nope - we iz havin a baybee is all I know. How are you doing? Glad you had good hols. Oh yes, and you are not a wimp