1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Poll, I have shown remarkable (and uncharacteristic!) restraint - made a tray, and only ate one slice, then put the remainder in the freezer to be retrieved for the OM's packed lunches ...

Although now I want more dammit.

Laurie - that would just remind me of certain niche pornographic tastes, sadly....

What a tragic waste of a chocolate button/Twirl.

HB get back to work! But not till you've given me a bit of your flapjack please.

I can tell Droid is approaching Fairy due to the flow of blood in me pantile area . And you promised I would be pregnant cos I've been such a moody old slag. Actually I've not been too moody, so must try better next time.

No one actually gets pregnant from lovely dreamy honeymoon type sex do they? How very outdated and twee of them. All sounds a bit weird to me.

Lorry I love the subconcious revenge. Remind me never to piss you off - no dinner = tragedy of Titanic proportions.

Scorpette what's that muffled shouting and crying I can hear coming from your suitcase? I'm sure I just saw you shove a small girl's foot back in and zip it tightly shut. I've got my eye on you.

head you are clearly insane of the highest BESH proportions. You made a tray and only ate one?

Pliz to be having a lie down & take these tablets.

I just love the honesty on this thread (although you've put me off twirls now as well as doughnuts)

Lorryloo I would say that angry-SWI = definitely instant diffage, surely

HB good work on the flapjacks, they are like health food that isn't, being as they are actually lumps of delicious butter and sugar stuck together with the odd oat.

Stinkers, are you blind? That's not a little girl, it's a squid... er, I mean, nothing. There's nothing in there

HB, isn't it actually illegal to not scoff all the baked goods? TYF - tall, skinny TYF - is one of those freaks who can eat a little bit of something delish and then leave it, but this is clearly a mental disorder, possibly some sort of genetic flaw.

Poll, did you not worry that all the man-gunk would end up on the rabbit and not your cervix?

Here you are Scorpettelina a baby of your very own . Oh look, she likes you, she's squirting ink! And mind her beak, she's teething. A lovely addition to Clothilda I think?

CTHULUELLA! COME TO MAMA!

Ehm, sorry Stinklets I fout you were still on the 2WOOFL. Hello Luella.

you lot are mental but brilliant.

mountie what said the clinic? Did you speak to them today?

On CD09 here so have booked the boy for some SWI after he has played Xbox for a bit (how rrrrrrromantic) so no 2WOOFLing for me til next weekend. Still on Cervix Watch here, it hasn't done anything unusual yet but the EWMC is flowing a bit freer so I am guessing things are ramping up to OV later in the week. I like your tactics for combating boredom Laurielita, just don't get caught doing it at your desk, specially not with a Twirl in the other hand.

Have probably discussed our situation with far too many people as I am a proper blabber. I am lucky as one of my best friends is in the same boat although she is a few years younger than me and also one of the girls in work is also starting with it all so its nice to have someone understanding there too. Mum knows although haven't discussed any deets and I can talk to my sis about pretty much anything so I am really really lucky. Plus I have you lot. VERY lucky. I have decided not to discuss it with anymore of my friends with children tho as I then get stories of such and such a friend of theirs who tried for 'ages' and had her first at 38 and HE had problems with his sperm and blah blah blah> Well thats them, not us and perversely I think it if worked out for them then statistically that makes it less likely for us. (Does that make sense?) But I know they are just trying to help so have to be all polite and smile.

HB chuck us a flap jack, preferable aimed between my eyes. Frozen one will do the trick.

Tis drunk, filthy sex that works for me...as I believe you all know. Unlikely that would be something to tell the kids about either...

I'm not sure that is an issue though. I feel it is rather unlikely that I will ever discuss the actual conception with my offspring, I doubt they will ever want to hear that one of mummy's funny stories....

Which reminds me, those who have parental sex advice- my mum read somewhere that kids are more...I'm not actually sure but it was something good like high in self esteem or secure or something...if their parents still had a happy sex life. So she decided to bring this up with my poor sister (early teens at the time.) Mum told her that they do indeed have a happy sex life. My sister's response was 'you have sex....with dad????'

It didn't seem to be the sex as much as the fact my dad was involved that was actually traumatic

I saw the midwife for first appt today. Am now officially Very Scared...

scorps

Maybe that's why my brother, sister and I are such utter fuck ups then Gin. Because my parents have not had sex since 1977. I think they did it to celebrate the Silver Jubilee perhaps? My sister was born in 1978 anyway.

Don't be scared luvver. You have a little baybee to look forward to. A little brother/sister for your gorgeous wee man. And lots of BESH-love to help you on your way.

Also scorps re jizz and rabbit... I guess dirtyslapperpoll making sure she was properly 'finished' would squish more of it up in the right direction. If she'd been using a hoover for self-gratification I could see the problem (actually I could see a few potential problems with that...)

thanks Aries that was lovely

What? It's DUSTY IN HERE!!!

Well I am lovely

Anyone seen this?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-10912632 If they can do it...

we had pretty good sex the weekend we conceived. Other SWI had been rather perfunctory.

Supposedly your cervix makes a little sipping motion when you orgasm and scoops up the white goods. So yeah 'finishing off' would be a good idea in that case. Can't remember where i read that...

Disclaimer: I am not obsessed with cervixes (cervim, cervii?) despite all appearances to the contrary. I AM NOT. well maybe just a bit :o

gin don't be scared, what aries said, twill be wonderus.

That's all very exciting GingerBiscuit! I would be terrified too, though mostly of the aforementioned giant head . Seriously, like Proctor&Gamble said, you have an ikle baybee in your belly and that's bootiful. I still remember your menkul pre-baybee...

My folks used to believe in not closing da door. So I caught them, like, gazillions of times at it. Dunno if it did anyfink good, but I don't think it damaged me (other fings did that). They bonked like rabbits and it is one thing I don't think I can live up to. Seriously. Makes me insecure about out secs life.

We are looking at places to "nest". Which makes me feel weird about leaving youth / cosmopolitan lifestyle.

No pressure then, ClubMed .

SaladBurst I did not ring today, was too busy. I guess that also means menkul has subsided. I will ring tomorrow morning.

out our

Did we know each other pre my wedding Ginsters? . I fort I had buried all the bodies evidence relating to my slutty past.

scopes I didn't let the rabbit see the jizz, just shoved it in far enough to get the job done iyswim. Like WiseGin said, I was hoping my cervix would descend like swirling vortex and snaffle up the goods. Whaddyer mean, tmi?

ewww [pokes out mind's eye with sharp stick]

In other news, did anyone know Carmellis has closed? Why didn't anyone tell me??

Gin sorry, I meant to ask, how far along are you now?

Am now going to buy high-end sex toys on the premise that it will win me my baybee: 'But I HAVE to use this vortex-effect rabbit, TYF - it's the only way to get the jizz to my cervix properly' What I WON'T be getting, however, is THIS! WTF?

Gin, is top news about first MW appointment. I echo every word that Aries said - everything is perfect and the BESHlove is protecting you both every step of the way

I have no idea what Carmellis is.