1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Cassolet I loves you I do.

get a room you two on second thoughts, don't

incidentally Cass pliz to answer the following

1. what dod youu do with shit-present from son? Is one obliged to keep?

2. How is you feeling?

3. How may piss-sticks have you done 'just to check'?

Hmm?

salad buy the video like everyone else..

tamarind popcorn??? pliz to explain..sound 'mazing!!

Ooh, I do love a good questionnaire:-

1. I flushed it down the toilet. But I think perhaps I should have framed it? Maybe in one of those Ikea box frames from the late 90s we were meant to fill with pine cones and shiz?

2. Fine thanks - tired and occasionally fleetingly queasy but so far so nothing, really - long may it continue. I was already feeling quite sick by now last time, tho don't think I was actually puking - so perhaps it will be easier this time?

3. 3. But was considering doing another in the morning, just for kicks.

unfortunately this is a delicacy i just made up, popcorn due to its voyeuristic nature and tamarind for eastern promise. I bet it wouldn't be that hard to make tho. melt tamarind in butter (and maybe some sugar or honey) and pour over popcorn. eh voila.

HB can we have an update plz. are you menkulling over hair or just stuck in the bathroom up to your wrist in VJJ?

cass was the shit-present his own production or just one provided by a passing domestic pet? I'm intrigued.

Head has either disappeared up her own vajayjay or..... I can't think of an "or"

Celeryterrorist we are potty training him at the moment. I was drying my hair and turned round to be confronted by him carrying me his achievement in the little lift out pot within the potty. This involved him dismantling and wandering along the landing carrying, so I was mildly impressed, before being appalled.

Sorry. Should read "dismantling the potty and then wandering along the landing with it"

Always best to include all the words in a sentence.

Head?
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!

cass its ok i understood. Bless him. Funny for some reason when you said 'pot' i imagined a flower pot and him running round butt naked in the garden pooing in random pots. This is of course, laughable and probably good evidence that it is a a blessing I haven't had any children as I obviously would neglect them terribly.

Perhaps in years to come we will tell the tale of headbanger as a cautionary to tail to BESH initiates. "Beware the cervix, remember our lost sister headbanger, she went off one day to search for her cervix, and was never..... seen.... again......."

Twould be a suitably gothic epitaph, no?

Salad you jest but we've had that too - when we first tried to train him a few months ago and he didn't take to it, he used to run off into the garden and shit in the flowerbeds

I think t'would be a wonderfully fitting tribute to our dear sister Pencil but I cannot give her up for lost just yet, I simply cannot.

1. Bottled out of finding cervix. Convinced I'd get my hand stuck up there and I'd spend the rest of my days balanced on my own elbow, rotating gently in a circle.

1. Hair could be worse. Could be better, but could be worse. Think of it as as the Lib Dem coalition in microcosm.

1. The image of Salty's special Lady-Preserve instantly called to mind the treat of dripping-on-toast from my schooldays. Now there's a winter-time snack I'll never enjoy again.

HB that made me laugh!

Caught up fully earlier and have been working last couple of hours and missed ALL this chat.

Saw reference to pant snot - know it's there around ovulation, but what about later on. Am now 7 weeks into cycle and having pant snot - had some last week, too (strange colour but not strange odour - no sign of evil droid yet, despite yesterday's pains but tonight boobs are sore, too. Not good sign. Doing all I can to keep menkul at bay, but could someone treat me roughly to invigourate my motivation, please?

Seven weeks poppet? 'Tis a long'un. How long are they in the general run of things? What I am saying, in my own charmingly roundabout fashion, is: do you think you should POAS?

Thanks Stewie, that helps keep me grounded!

Trying to do online grocery shop and wish to smash DH around the head with baseball bat as his answer to "what do we need/what do you want to eat over next week" is "dunno" - what a cock!

HahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAhahahaha

Heehee.

I've just read the last 3 or so pages and the above is all I really have to say. I am very tired and you are all very funny.

ead I love you. Don't think I've said it for a while

Squishy the answer to similar questions in our house is 'food'. Equally unhelpful.

Do you know how many DPO you are? (ie can we shout POAS?)

HB thank goodness, we were worried you'd 'just stepped out for a walk' in search of the mythical cervix. Best stay here love..

squishy from what i can work out, the manifestations of pant snot are many, varied and confusing. but unless it looks likes and feels you could whip up some Eton Mess with it, the its not 'fertile' What strange colour was it? I dont want to encourage the menkul but if it was rusty it could be implantation.

cass thats just fugging hilarious and proper made me giggle.

Plus Squirmy what colour was the odd FFJ last week, pliz?

ooh, cross posted HB, have had (last summer) an 8 week cycle so am really really really really trying to wait until 8 weeks plus one day. Cos the disappointment when I POAS and it's negative is worse that droid just rocking up and fucking up my day.

spooky squish just finished doing mine. I have learnt to be specific with the boy, ie 'do we need coffee' otherwise hes completely useless.