1001 Fallopian Nights: The BESH-Harem Opens for 30s TTCs & their silk pyjamas. Sherbert on tap. Baklava made by doe-eyed boys freely available. Kelims provided for SWI. Hookahs optional but welcome.

[Headbanger]

Scented silken tent opens its flaps* for business. Nubile veiled houris available for deep tissue sandalwood massage for that pre-droidal unease. Starlit pit tended by gleam-eyed sheiks proffering rum-soaked dates on golden platters. Goatskin rugs laid beneath hanging brass lamps for the un-PC BESH to frolic in furs. Intriguingly tarnished lantern housing benevolent Zita-Genie buried beneath piles of embroidered cushions. Don your curl-toed slippers & coin-fringed skirt, and I'll see you in the corner with a young Omar Sharif and ice cubes made from Tanqueray laced with desert honey and no you can't talk to him he's mine...

Salad I'm glad it's not just me who likes the feeling of doing something when it comes to temping. I'm no good at the discipline of taking it at exactly the same time every day (you think I'm setting the alarm early at the weekend?!) and it does tend towards the random at times but more months than not there's a fairly clear pattern of higher random temps after ov than before. It's certainly pretty accurate at telling me when droid will arrive after my temp drops. Fertility friend seems to be able to find patterns more often than I would.

Glad the neck's getting better Aries, that sounded very owch.

Is that me or Salty? Well, I get up for the loo once or twice a night, I wake up to shove the cat out when she decides to claw the carpet or mew or retch up fur balls, then she wakes me about 5.30 for food and I stumble down to the kitchen just to make her shut the fuck up so I can go back to sleep. MrA has recently taken to sleep walking and talking and being a bit mental - presumably this is down to stress and over-tiredness due to what's been going on here in the last few months (long story). I have to firmly tell him he is in fact in bed with me in our house, not wherever he's thinking he is e.g. the middle of the Channel. 12 hours unbroken sleep would be heavenly, or even 8.

sozzer ARIES twas to you, didn't think about the confusion there. Hmm, that does sound a bit wonky, I have the same cat problem although we have managed to stop getting up to feed ours (by putting down some dry for him to munch on last thing at night) and he generally just bothers the boy for a bit before going to sleep on my feet - like i said I dont 'count' that as waking up really. He also has a mad play at random times in the night and skitters round on the wood floor or chases his tail in the bath, daft moggy. Poor MrA, and poor you. I am a bit of a night talker when I'm stressed and tend to chatter on or be very rude to the boy in the middle of the night but am completely oblivious the next day.

Occie glad to hear I am not alone, and also that stupidly early alarms at weekend wont be necessary. FF says just to make a note of 'unusual circumstances' so unusual will happen regularly on a sat and sun.

FF asks for the time you took your temp and tells you whether that was 'normal' or not by what colour the dot is on the chart, which helps you see whether the wonky looking temps are just because you took them at a different time.

Aries if you wanted to temp I guess you could go for doing it at the time the cat wakes you up for food if that's fairly consistent. I guess you'd have to give it a go to see whether the other waking up messes it up enough to be a problem - apparently some people's temps are supersensitive to anything while other people can get up, make a cup of tea and read the paper and not affect it.

If you're wanting to time SWI to make the most of the rare occasions you manage it then checking for FFJ might be the way to go (if you produce the stuff which I'm still half convinced is mythical). Temps only tell you for definite after ov which ain't much use for telling you when to SWI. Or OPKs - the internet ones give me enough of a change in the strength of the line on them to have some idea something's going on.

FFJ? Oh yes I remember that. I had some in my twenties . Seriously, I do have some sometimes, though haven't noticed the egg white for a while. Right I'm going to the kitchen to gobble supplements and piss grapefruit juice.

Thanks Occers How are you anyway?

I'm OK, procrastinating and avoiding an essay I'm supposed to be writing... I thought I'd finally escaped such things but it appears not.

Hmmm, killed the conversation there, how am I supposed to procrastinate if you all go quiet?!

JapaneseNoseFlute you can bash me round the head with a kipper if you like, I caved in this evening and POAS and of course the result was negative. It was probably also the wrong time of day and a day too early but if it was going to be positive I think something would have showed up.

I refuse to be glum about it.

Am with you on the absence of egg white. Think it is like yeti and so forth.

Also, you can get the kipper out again as I just went and checked the aforementioned stick just in case it had magically changed - oh dear god.

nipple tweaks all round. Esp to you saffy dear.

In haste, but not to hasty to punch saffy up the bracket and offer her this here cupcake with cheesecake icing

to too goddamn

mouthorgan i was actually refraining from posting so as not to distract you from important essay type things. soz, if only i'd known.

pencilskirt you can have part share on our cat, there is plenty of him to go round (fat fucker)

bunz tsk, wet kipper is too good for you

waves at saltster how are you today me darling?

in other news just got shiny new car from dealership, its newerer than any other car i've ever owned being only 4 years old, very exciting!!!! and it is a fetching shade of green. whoot!

shit sorry headz that was really insensitive of me after you were lament the fact you are too skint for a pusscat. please accept a thousand apologies (in spirit of eastern theme)

Gah to evil pee sticks that don't give the correct answer (it is clearly all their fault). I never knew I was a Japanese flute by the way or a nose one, the things you learn round here! (I thought I originated in South America, which may also be the case).

Head from what everyone else is saying cats sound like a bad thing to have whether poor or not - I like my sleep way too much to have something that will steal it all away. And for those of you who are about to point out that that's what babies do, la di da di da I'm not listening.

What sort of a car is it lettucedynamite? Actually, I don't know why I'm asking, you've told us the most important information, the colour. I am such a girl when it comes to cars!

Essay is still non existent but I have done some other work.

Jeebus SlicedTomato why dontcha just take a shit on my arrears and wipe yo ass with fifty pound notes eh?

Strongly suspect perfectly nice landlord would respond in the affirmative should question of pets be raised, but am too buttoned-up and bashful to do so.

Possible reasons for sudden abandonment of pronouns gratefully received.

You're not a japanese nose flute, french horn , I was just working my way through my favourite wind instruments.

I also blame the ruddy pee sticks, damn them all to hell. I'm not doing any more ever unless I am a FULL WEEK behind schedule.

Woo! for the lovely new car, saladsandwich green is aceness.

If anyone wants our manky fat cat you're most welcome. he is third-hand from rescue home (got sent back once for fighting), so massive that everyone comes into the house and goes "bloody hell your cat is massive" and he sicks all over the place. On the plus side he never wakes me up in the night.

Nice marlin and swordfeesh btw.

Perhaos have caught BridgetJonesitis HeadGirl? Death by stoning, I believe??

Yes that would be my answer, its a GREEN car. But its also a Ford Fiesta, TDCi, so pretty sensible and VERY low emission, so low in fact the government will only be taking £35 of my hard earned a year in road tax. Which is pretty amazing really. Or not

So back on topic then. Re CM, as I have started charting in earnest this month and this is my first proper day post droid, I thought I'd have a bit of an rummage to see what was happening on the mucus front. As a result I finally realised where my cervix is. Obviously its not the first time I've come across it but I don't think I ever REALLY thought about what that bit ACTUALLY was. And now i feel extremely foolish for reaching this age without the penny dropping before. Sorry if this is TMI. Just thought I'd share

ah, I'm easily confused chocolatecake. So can you play a Japanese nose flute then?

Sounds like the FFJ is not being evenly shared out, but I can't think of a way to rectify this that's not eeeewwwwww.

Me! Pick me Occy I have an idea!!

explodingtomatoes I've not only relatively recently worked out where my cervix is, but am now discovering that it really does move about during the month. It's most exciting. (Just thought I'd join in the TMI although I'm not sure there's any such thing round here)

Am impressed with the cheapness of your road tax too. As well as the colour obviously.

Oh, are we back in school?

Yes Miss Air, what was your idea?