The 2023 Poncetastic Christmas Thread

[VivaJen]

Welcome to the 2023 Poncetastic thread. With a nod to Fellatio (wherever she may be) at the stroke of midnight, let the poncing commence.

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobs worth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapés and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessie’s' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".

Ahahaha I just realised this is the Poncestastic thread!! Got confused between threads.

Might need a coffee to get through the rest of the day!

I bought a little stash of Mozartkugel (praline and marzipan balls dipped in choc) in Lidl when they had their alpine week. They are hidden in the cupboard.
I've got a box of chocolate cups like these, I think I may make some sort of mint chocolate filling to go in them https://www.thomasridley.co.uk/pidy-mini-milk-chocolate-coffee-cups-2-5cm-fa0176?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI2LrO2_a0ggMV08btCh3osgQJEAQYByABEgJ-cvD_BwE

The last couple of years have been pretty rubbish for crimbo (having to spend the whole thing from Christmas Eve - 27th with elderly, disabled sick parents plus having to work)but I'm trying to be more positive this year. Also we have a very stressful situation with DHs job so the last three years have been pretty miserable. DH is taking Dd away for 2 nights before Christmas so I will have 3 glorious days at home alone to get everything ready. Last year they went I was on 12 x 2200 shifts but this year I'm off whoop whoop ! Longest time ever I'll have had child free :)

@thenewaveragebear1983
please would you mind sharing the construction of your gorgeous sleighs

sorry fir loads of posts everyone, I'm catching up on the whole thread !

This was a prototype gift I never got round to doing - it's a hot chocolate treat tray. I made marshmallow in a doughnut mould to go on the top of the hot choc :)
the star tray was a bargain from hobbycraft

Oh @StiffyByngsDogBartholomew that is the stuff of dreams. Truly enchanting. I am envious of your poncing skills (but fair enough seeing as you've put in the hard work of training/working as a pastry chef)!!

I bought two boxes of the mozartkugeln a while back, one for quality control purposes, and both are gone. Now LIDL don't have them in anymore, and I am bereft.

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time. I hope you will find some peace this year and hope your little mini-holiday gives you some much needed respite. What a treat!

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew
i use 2 candy canes, on top of that you need a kitkat (ideally in paper/foil wrapping for neatness) on top of that you need a pack of moam blocks- you can use other things like fun size mars but they aren’t as neat, a mini choc Santa on the front and a bow. Glue it all together with hot glue gun.

Oh my gosh, @StiffyByngsDogBartholomew I wish I was half as talented as you. They are all gorgeous!!

I’m also very envious of the previous posters Nordic Ware tin. I’ve had my eye on one for ages. There’s money in the Christmas budget each year for things that I deem essential that my husband might question the necessity of. This year might be the year!

Spent much longer than I would’ve liked making a buttered rum Christmas cake for my neighbours as my three year old helped which basically involved licking the spoon every time she thought I wasn’t looking. Warmed the fruit in the microwave as I’d not been planning to do the cake and used marmalade vodka instead of spiced rum because I wanted to get rid of it! Hopefully it’ll still be fine!

Wow these are amazing and look delicious

@YuletideSolace i had to be very stern with myself with the Mozart balls. I didn't open them at all cos if u had they would have lasted the square root of 5 minutes 😂

Thankyou all so much for the kind comments, DH doesn't like cake and just rolls his eyes at any christmas poncery. In fact poncery of any sort, he would just have a serving tray of various meats with a scattering of his mum's over boiled vegetables if given the choice 😅.
so it's lovely to discuss with likeminded people. Mum used to love Christmas cooking and baking but sadly she is paralysed and has no speech so her poncing days are over 😢

"I did paperwhites last year and they smelled like wee?!"

Mine too. Not the type of christmas scent I'm after whatsoever! Currently searching high and low for the cross stitch I started many years ago!

Seeing this thread again has reminded me that I need to feed the Christmas cake (made at half term, as is traditional).

Inspired by this thread, I'm trying paperwhites for the first time - they were planted yesterday.

Is it just me or is this year's selection of Christmas wrapping paper a bit crap? I need another couple of rolls have had no joy.

Research from Cornell University HERE

Paperwhites.
I grow mine on washed pebbles in tall glass vases or hurricane lamps.
I start mine on 11th November. Place the bulbs on pebbles and pour water to just under base of bulbs.
Put them somewhere cool and dim until the growth is about 3 inches.
Then carefully pour off water (or syringe out) and replace with 1/7 ratio alcohol.
40%. this will stunt the greenery but not affect the flowers.

I am truly sorry about those who tried and didn’t like the smell (cat’s wee sounds v unpleasant) as someone who can’t cope with lilies I feel your pain.

Interesting article about UNSCENTED NARCISSI for forcing
HERE

So you scented haters are not alone. I am very tempted to try these next year

“Chinese Sacred Lily has long been associated with Chinese New Year Celebrations. Plant in January for blooms 3-5 weeks later, just in time for the New Year festivities! Each stem bears 5-10 soft white petaled flowers with orange yellow centers. The delicate fragrance of honey, clove, and citrus is unique and homey”

Thankyou trumpton, I have a perfect vase and I've been very unsuccessful with them previously. In fact I'd given up this year but I think I'll give it a go now with your instructions if I can find some bulbs before Sunday

"I am truly sorry about those who tried and didn’t like the smell (cat’s wee sounds v unpleasant) as someone who can’t cope with lilies I feel your pain"

They looked amazing but I couldn't cope with the smell. However, DP didn't think it was too bad so I think it depends on the individual!

It's funny because one of my favourite things about paper whites is the smell ! I love it. I also love the scent of lilies.

Got to say, I am quite relieved to hear that others get a similar whiff from their paperwhites. Interesting that it can be so different for different people.

Poncing today will include straining and bottling last years sloe gin for gifts and storing, and making Nigel’s figs with maple syrup and anise drink.

I thought it was me with the paper whites, hate the smell and not doing them again. Also hate the smell of hyacinths.

For those with a dislike of the highly perfumed Ziva Paperwhites why not try Inbal next time?

@StiffyByngsDogBartholomew that’s pretty much what happened here

@HoHoJ0 Do it! You’ll have the tin forever, and it’s so lovely!

I might do what someone said (was it on this thread? Was it you? ) and tie a pretty ribbon on it and just display it on the wall! 🎄🎄🎄

I want to make some cranberry flavoured simple syrup to use in festive cocktails. Would it work with dried cranberries? I'm thinking that I would steep them in boiling water and leave to go cold then make the syrup and strain out the cranberries at the end.

Dried cranberries will have added sugar so will be a lot sweeter. Might work in this case, you might not need such sugary simple syrup.

So i've been making my date and red wine sauce - beautiful as always.
And i've also been making the Jamie Oliver get ahead gravy for the first time. Unfortunately I just taste tested it and it seems that my curse on gravy making continues. It's bland and pretty much flavourless. Not sure why, I followed the recipe, aside from the star anise. I put port in as well.

Ok, with longer simmering it is much better. I think a splash of white wine wouldn't go amiss though.

@NutellaEllaElla thank you. I hadn't thought about reducing the amount of sugar because of using dried fruit. I'll try it with half the usual amount and add more if it's too tart.

Will your gravy improve further with juices from the turkey added on the day?