Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Janet & Roy mystery round-robin

407 replies

AndHarry · 19/10/2014 16:56

Are we doing Janet & Roy this year? I haven't spotted a thread yet.

OP posts:
alseb · 16/12/2014 15:18

Just thought of a victim. Would anyone be willing to write one for me please? From anywhere! Can see one of these bringing big chuckles to my recipients. Thanks so much.

Scoopmuckdizzy · 16/12/2014 15:24

Alseb - I'm in South Wales. PM me your address and I'll send one for you.

Scoopmuckdizzy · 16/12/2014 15:26

Would anyone be willing to send one for me? DP had one last year and it still confuses him, it would be great for him to receive another. I'm happy to reciprocate Smile

NeverFreezeLobsters · 16/12/2014 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCunnyFunt · 16/12/2014 16:05

Nativity it was me! Have PMed you again Xmas Smile

alseb · 16/12/2014 16:10

Scoop
Have PM you. Many many thanks. Thanks to all on mumsnet for the chuckles, help and advice this year. Appreciate your company!

itstheyearzero · 16/12/2014 16:17

If anyone still wants one I'd be happy to send one from Blackpool! PM me Wink

christmascazza · 17/12/2014 09:50

Anyone want one posted today (postmark Brighton)? Have one written and ready to go.
Pm me with who you want sending to and a couple of personal details for authenticity.

AndHarry · 17/12/2014 13:23

Right, mine are going in the post today. There's the one I did from posh Janet & Roy up-thread. The other one is from grumpy gossipy Janet & Roy:

Dear friends,
Time for the annual round-up once again. It's been another year of headaches for us so we're looking forward to a fresh start in 2015.

As you know, Thomas and Shirley decided to part ways after the disastrous family holiday to Crete in June. It was difficult for all of us to cope with the heat in that stifling, awful 'villa' and we've been left high and dry with regards to compensation for the non-existent swimming pool since the tour operator went bust. It's absolutely disgraceful that ATOL won't help us either. Apparently we had our holiday so there's nothing they can do. We've written to our MP of course but he's worse than useless.

Roy has joined UKIP and is on the campaign team for the next General Election. Everyone agrees with the policies and we're pretty sure of victory. Can you imagine, when we were trying to get help from the tour operator, none of the staff spoke more than a word or two of English! Ridiculous. It's time this country stood up for itself and stopped flinging good money after bad at those Eurocats.

The stress of Thomas' divorce brought on another of Roy's episodes and we've been in and out of hospital. He was blue-lighted to A&E three times in September and the GP says it's the worst case of pancreatitis he's ever seen in an out-patient. Roy's being ever so brave and is on the waiting list for a pancreatectomy at the Royal Free so we expect admission next year. We'll keep you posted.

Janet has also had her share of trials this year. Shirley's mother has been causing mayhem since the divorce started and has been demanding that Janet intervenes. We don't know what she thinks Janet can do, especially since it was Shirley who made such a fuss about what happened at the work Christmas party last year and after all Thomas has done to try to make it up to her it seems a bit much to keep complaining now.

Happily, Janet was elected chair of the seniors book club in June, which has taken her mind off things a little. That awful woman has tried her best to spoil it for her, demanding that the reading list excluded Mills & Boon and starting a back-biting campaign to get her way, but Janet stood firm and won everyone over in the end. Really, it's not as though we're not all grown-ups and if she's such a prude she can start her own club and good luck to her. The last time it was her turn to host she tried to pass off Tesco Value biscuits as Fox's. Everyone knew of course but we were all too polite to say so.

This year we're staying at home for Christmas dinner. The pub we tried last year was a let-down. We told them specifically in advance that Roy cannot have rich food but they totally ignored our requests and gave him the standard turkey dinner. Roy cannot abide turkey.

We're all agog to see what happens on the Downton Abbey Christmas special. We think Bates will finally hang, which would get rid of the dreariest character in the series and free up Anna to find someone truly special. Fingers crossed.

Looking forward to seeing you at the party, if Roy's health allows.

Wishing you a very merry Christmas,
Janet and Roy

OP posts:
AndHarry · 17/12/2014 20:54

Oh dear, I've forgotten who I'm sending the posh J&R to Blush A trawl of my PMs has shed no light. If I've said I'd do yours, please tell me!

OP posts:
MrsCosmopifairylight · 18/12/2014 09:31

Mine are all posted out and some received. Can't remember if I shared other than snippets though so will check back later and if not, post them here.

CornChips · 18/12/2014 10:03

AndHarry i love your grumpy Janet and Roy! She sounds very much like an aunt of mine!

itstheyearzero · 18/12/2014 11:02

OK, here's mine to scoopmuckdizzy's other half...in the post today from sunny Blackpool!

Dear xxx
Another year has swept past and what a busy year it’s been! We have so much news to share with you, and we just hope that we will be able to share it with you in person next year! It’s been so long since we have seen you and the boys. Little xxx must be getting quite big now – didn’t he have his birthday recently? I bet he and the other 3 are keeping you busy especially at this time of year! I don’t know how you do it, I really don’t!

So, to our news then. As you know, we decided earlier this year to up sticks and move to Blackpool! Roy had all that nasty business to deal with at work last year (the less said about that the better), so we felt it was time to leave Yorkshire behind and start a new life by the sea. Initially we rented a lovely semi in Lytham St. Annes, but when we saw an opportunity to purchase a little B&B in Blackpool we jumped at the chance! I’m sure you have heard all about it, but I am so excited about opening our little guest house, I hope you don’t mind me filling you in on some of the details.

The house is situated in a very nice area of Blackpool, and we are going to advertise it as a ‘Boutique Hotel’! It’s an old Victorian house with 12 bedrooms, and would you believe that all of the original features are still in situ! We couldn’t believe our luck when we viewed it! Roy thinks that some guests may have a problem with shared bathrooms, but quite honestly if they want an en-suite they can go and stay in a soulless Travelodge can’t they! We simply can’t change the layout of the place, it would lose so much character if we tried to add a bathroom to each room. The shared bathroom on the first floor will be left pretty much untouched as we are going for the vintage look that is so popular at the moment. Roy keeps trying to tell me that coloured bathroom suites and not ‘vintage’ rather they are ‘old fashioned’, but quite honestly, until he starts reading Ideal Home as I do religiously every single month, I will take his opinions with a pinch of salt. Pompadour is a perfectly nice colour for a bathroom suite don’t you think? We haven’t decided on a name for the place yet, but with my Canadian connection I’m toying with ‘Banff House’. What do you think? Roy prefers ‘The Alberta Mansion’, but again, what does he know about anything?

Oh, I simply must share the most exciting part with you now – you really will not believe this. You know how Roy has connections in showbiz that go back many years? Well, we heard a rumour that Bernie Clifton is coming to do the summer season next year on the North Pier, so Roy has invited him to stay as our guest during his whole tenure! How exciting! If this dream does come true, you simply must bring the boys over in the summer holidays, I’m sure that they, especially xxx, would simply love to meet him, and maybe even have a ride on his ostrich! I’m almost certain that Bernie was not acquainted with Jimmy Saville, or any of those other monsters back in the 70’s, so there is absolutely nothing to worry about if Yew know what I mean (nudge nudge, wink wink).

Well, that pretty much covers our life in 2014, I hope you have enjoyed reading! Finally, I suppose I must mention Sadie, we are still not talking I’m afraid. That unpleasant business with little Joe (I still can’t bring myself to call him Joaquin, so pretentious) caused so much upset. I do miss him, but I’ve sent him a wonderful wooden train set for Christmas, I do hope he appreciates it and thinks of his Grandma Janet and Grandpa Roy at Christmas time.

We may be travelling to Wales in the New Year to try and build some bridges with the extended family, so if we find ourselves in your neck of the woods, we’ll try and pop in and see you.

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas time! Don’t be a stranger!
Much Love – Janet and Roy xx

liquidstateisonthemulled · 18/12/2014 19:42

Posted my Janet and Roy on Wednesday. Some of it is cribbed from others letters (I apologise!) but otherwise my Janet and Roy are heavy drinking flamenco fans; laugh when roy's castanet flies off and hits a pig at the village fete; cry when he loses a testicle in a freak allotment accident; tremble with fear at the the thought of an extended visit...

If anyone wants me to post this from Reading area to anyone else I have 2 stamps left now all my real cards have gone, just PM me... Smile

Dear XXXXX

A big hello and Merry Christmas to you all!

Well, what a year it's been...although, rather less eventful than the last one you'll no doubt be relieved to hear! Its started very quietly in January with Janet hitting the sales and buying all the presents for the next Christmas. She really is very resourceful and the amazing savings she makes enabled us to have a weekend away at Centre Parcs in early February with our new friends Pedro and Juanita who we met last year in Spain. They are certainly not shy and we took the opportunity to experiment as a couple which was very liberating.

We were very sad when our beloved pot bellied pig, Stinky passed away in March. He was a much loved member of our family and after his friend Biggles passed on last year we have resolved not to take on any more pets at the moment as the pain was unbearable. Stinky was given a loving burial and is now placed next to Biggles in the Rose Garden near the Summer House which of course houses the bar so we can raise a glass (or many) to them both on most nights.

Roy took consolation in his allotment where he spends most of his spare time now looking after his runner beans. Sadly he suffered a freak accident there at the end of April when he fell on a pile of canes resulting in a trip to A&E and some emergency surgery in a delicate area. Ever upbeat, Roy has recovered well and surprisingly it seems to have improved his Flamenco. At his age Roy has no need for two of them anyhow and its certainly a talking point among our friends!

Speaking of Flamenco, we were asked to perform at the village fete in June and I am pleased to say we went down a storm – although this may have been down to Janet's very low cut top and the fact the bar had been open all day. One of Roy's castanets flew off and landed in the livestock pen but we don't think anyone noticed, although the pig it hit was a little startled. Roy's runner beans were highly commenced in the produce show but alas Janet's Gin and Rhubarb jam was not as successful.

We saw lots of little Prince George over the summer when he stayed in with his grandparents in the village, such a happy sunny boy. We are certainly very lucky with the quality of our neighbours and the police protection team are extremely nice (although they did tread on Janet's begonias when they were doing an inspection before the Royal visitors arrived). We are glad they did not want to inspect the interior of our house as showing them the 'you know what' room could have been a tad embarrassing.

What are your plans for 2015?? Next year will see us focussing on some home improvements. We are planning on replacing all the soffit boards and guttering in the spring and once the weather improves we are hoping to start work in the garden. Janet has some exciting plans and will be incorporating some of the beautiful features of the Zen gardens we saw in Japan in 2011. Janet is very keen to have a peaceful spiritual place to do her knitting.

But of course we can tell you all this when we see you on Boxing Day. Don't worry about putting us up for the night, we will be coming up in our caravan that way we can stay for much longer without being too intrusive.

With much love,
Janet & Roy
xxxxxx

PS: Almost forgot, Roy's mother died in May, but it was not unexpected as she was 97 xxx

EElisavetaofJingleBellsornia · 19/12/2014 17:18

ChristmasCazza that was brilliant! DH has been trying to work out who Janet and Roy are for hours, and has almost convinced himself she's a long lost cousin. The bit in the round robin about the creative relative who squeezes into a one bed flat with his male friend made me snort so much I have had to hide upstairs Grin

hesterton · 19/12/2014 19:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whohasnickedmyvodka · 19/12/2014 19:21

Please please please can I have a Janet and Roy xxx

hesterton · 19/12/2014 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndHarry · 19/12/2014 20:41

Last posting day tomorrow! 1st class should get there before Christmas.

These are all fab :)

OP posts:
ApplySomePressure · 20/12/2014 08:33

Have I missed out? Sad anyone willing to post a last minute Janet and Roy for me please????

AndHarry · 20/12/2014 10:14

I've got a spare Apply. Will PM you.

OP posts:
CornChips · 20/12/2014 11:17

I am getting a bit concerned... my DParents should have received theirs about a week ago and I have heard absolutely nothing..... which might mean that they have friends like Janet and Roy and that they are indeed preparing for their visit on the 4th.

mummylin2495 · 20/12/2014 11:35

My brother and his wife did not tell me about the first letter they recieved until they recieved the second one which was a few weeks later ! They have now recieved yet another with photos of a family member who apparently is in prison !! So it may just be you could sort of mention you have had a lot of cards did they ? Then they may say about it . It's all hilarious. My letter writer has done a fabulous job. Thanks *floatingporpoise"

alseb · 20/12/2014 12:00

Scoopmuckdizzy - many thanks. The recipient is currently wandering around saying, " I don't even know anyone called Janet and Roy, I don't know anyone in wales". Totally mystified. Thanks.

ApplySomePressure · 20/12/2014 16:49

Thanks AndHarry!

Swipe left for the next trending thread