Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

oh cyb I am genuinely taken with idea of vintage scrabble tiles for names

cyb you are ace

Just bookmarking my place. Love Christmas. Aspire to be poncetastic. Probably won't manage it, but if you don't take the first step....

cyb, I was believing you up until Queen Victoria. I'm crestfallen now.

A poncetastic xmas thread with nary a mention of the high priestess of hand-wrought or vintage loveliness, Martha Stewart?

Thanks to her, I have a collection of snowmen on ice-skates fashioned from pipecleaners, MIL's woolworths tree decorations and candles from the 1960s, perfectly executed triple-hand-tied bow on my visible-from-space door wreath, needlepoint stockings etc etc.

PS Lidl do a fab gingerbread house kit for £4.99 (hide the box in the recycling)

Sorry, half my post went missing:

Martha suggests modelling your own house from gingerbread. here. If this is beyond your talents Lidl do a etc...

DD made gingerbread church and tiny houses to go on top of DELIA'S cake last year. She put a battery operated tealight inside the church to shine through the sweetie stained glass windows.

I don't believe it - you lot have only gone and got me making the Christmas pud today.

I am so easily led.

It won't be poncetastic though, it'll probably be 'orrible.

Ha! Thanks for that, almost forgot.

Made a gingerbread house last year - will do again! :)

Brilliant thread. I'm plotting to steal as many of these ideas as possible. We have builders in at the moment and no kitchen for a few more weeks s won't be able to start really upping the ponciness until mid-Nov. Will it be possible?

I want sweetie stained glass windows!! My house should be relatively easy to model in gingerbread - it's nice and rectangular. Ooh, I'm doing it.

Although, we'll probably be at my Mum's for Christmas. Does that mean I should model her house? A 4 story Victorian terrace may be tough in gingerbread!!!

I still have pink burn scar on my hand from a gingerbread rhouse related incident

Lets just say that melted sugar gets effing hot

Oooh - LOVE Gisela Graham decs (can't remember who posted link - sorry!) I have some gorgeous things of hers. I buy one new tree decoration every year, and spend unnecessary amounts of time browsing all the poncey shops deciding which lucky bauble gets to be taken home to the Treats Tree this year. I have a limit of £5, so that I don't get TOO carried away, but I'm building up a beautiful collection.

Glad to see that an official ban has been pronounced on tinsel - it's the black hole of ponciness - the anti-poncetastic. I have a tree 'necklace' though (a garland of gold beads). Is that allowed .

I was going to mention Martha Stewart Living in the christmas mags list. Recipes aren't as good as Delia, but the crafts are so much better than any British mag. And no distracting articles on 'fashion' or 'health'.

Ahem Fellatio.

That yellow colour on your inbox at the top of the screen.

It means there is a message in there.

Not a great one admittedly.

You should embrace it, I was talking to Royalty last night!

This is the Lidl gingerbread cake we made last year. I was quite proud of it (even though it wasn't v poncey). I haven't made my own wrapping paper since I had children but I'm willing to embrace the capacious bosoms of xmas ponciness :o

Don't forget, only 46 days until the Big Event

...still need a decision on the ol' turducken, ladies. poncetastic or gold-plated chav?

i need time to menu plan around, y'see...

ooo, they do turduckham and turduckit too...

oops

blimey, hooch - i've saved that whole thread! i may have to cancel the poncetastic christmas and just sit it out with several bottles of cranberry gin and christmas pudding vodka... somebody wake me up in january!