Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

Loving this thread. And I think so far Titaslina wins hands down!

We usually go to my family in Dublin for Xmas but this year are staying here in Budapest where it will be just DH, DS and I for Xmas Day. Was always a bit afraid of that being a bit sad but am actually really looking forward to it now. And I can be as poncetastic as I like!

Starting to think about chutneys etc and Xmas cake. Have had a look at the Cox and Cox website and am planning on ordering a few things.

Will hunt out all my Xmas magazines tomorrow I think and start my pre-planning. We are going to UK for half term so I can buy anything then that I won't be able to get here.

We move back to UK next year and bought a house in Somerset last year. While viewing it I could imagine where I would put my Xmas tree and I am already planning decor that will work well at Xmas!

OOOh yes Xmas magazines. Which is your favourite?
I have to say mine is Ideal Home and have kept the last 2 years Xmas editions -can't wait for this years to come out.

Buda - am very impressed with your long term planning. In my defence I was pregnant when I went with the duck egg/neutral theme. I have to say though am bored of it now so this thread has inspired me to redecorate

Xmas magazines - I like Ideal Home. And Good Housekeeping. Lots of them seem to do a total Xmas special now don't they? I keep all of my Xmas magazines so have a large pile now! Also like Good Food and Delicious.

Am glad you like my long term planning. We actually bought sofas in the summer which will go in the Living room and they are a grey colour and I was wondering out loud what would go with them and DH said red and I immediately thought yes but I will save that for winter and Xmas and put another colour with them the rest of the time! Haven't told DH that yet. He will be a bit .

I am awestruck by some of you. Titsalina you are the goddess of the poncetastic xmas, truly.

I yearn for a poncetastic Christmas but I have a dreadful confession to make...... My name is DuffyMoon and I decorate the outside of my house in my defence m'lud it is in soft, white and non flashing lights..... Am i automatically blackballed from joining the pocetasticness

Can we talk Christmas cakes please?

I don't like alcohol-flavoured things, my mum always steeps her cake in brandy (quite right) but it makes it inedible to me.

Anyone have a recipe that soaks it in something else? Tea for example?

Delia recommends using orange juice to soak the fruits if making a Christmas cake for non-drinkers. Haven't tried it myself.....

Marking for future ponciating

This year, I shall be attempting a fully iced gingerbread house complete with stained glass windows to go with the usual Christmas cake. Also tried Christmas pudding last year but it didn't go well. Need a new recipe - please :)

Marking my place

We won't have a poncetastic Christmas. (Roast Chicken, paxo and Aunt Bessie's roast potatoes, anyone?) We know what we like.

But I luuuurve the run up to Christmas. And buying Christmas cards, and presents, and decorations. So will watch the thread for that reason.

Does anyone try to get a really nice picture of the DCs to inflict on send to interested people in the Christmas cards?

DuffyMoon - a couple of years ago I would have completely scorned all outside lights. But last year I saw some really nice ones and thought actually, it doesn't have to look like Santa's Grotto if Santa had taken some LSD. I might have to buy some myself. What's the consensus?

I really want to have a go at poncing it up this year. We have moved into an ancient victorian terraced with real fireplaces (the walls are even made of real bricks which is new to us) so I am currently on the hunt for a chimney sweep who can come out this side of Christmas.

I shall take down my regular cotton bunting and replace it with felt and gingham Christmas bunting.

I shall hang real knitted stockings on the mantel.

There will be candles, real holly and fircones.

There will be egg-nog and mulled wine. :)

I will make mince pies and a cake when the thread starts. (Or have I missed it? :( )

hehem Recipes

I will update with more very soon. My Xmas Pudding is always a hit though. :)

Marking my place.

I have a duck-egg blue dining-room, and turn it into a "winter wonderland" for the festive season. Lots of siver and glitter, white fairy lights everywhere.

Walking through Debenhams home dept. last week, DD spotted some sparkly diamond table jewels (can't find them on website, but sooo gorgeous).

Then had to listen to this:

DS1: She wants them.

DH: I think she's dribbling.

DD: Mum, are you going to scatter them artfully on the Christmas table?

DS1: Any more on the table and we won't have room for the food.

DH: Eight quid a box. They saw her coming.

DS1: Oooh. You'll need at least three boxes, won't you, Mum?

They just don't understand

I'm all for outside lights so long as they are understated and tasteful, and preferably plain soft white - although I do occasionally coloured ones that are very pretty. But it's a tricky business, pulling off coloured lights, inside or out.

For people who find Christmas pudding too heavy, or faffy to make, I'd like to offer up Panettone Bread and Butter pudding, made with loads of double cream and a good slug of Advocaat or Baileys or Brandy. Also nice for festive poncetastic dinners that are not actually on Christmas day, and especially good for New Year, if you are left with a lump of stale redundant panattone, which is how I came to discover it.

Or Panettone trifle with a hefty slug of Frangelico.

page upon page of poncetasticness in the extreme.

I'm so terribly sorry everyone, I didn't realise one had to ask to join.

How rude of me.

May I?

I love this

I wanna join.....although I am stuck in my ghetto tacky uneducated roots....I hope you ladies will take me under your wing and enlighten me.

I didn't ask i just swanned in with all my poncetasticness....

You don't have to ask, my child. Just knock at the door of Ponce and ye shall be taken unto our bosom. You just need to offer yourself up for mind programming, and reject the tinsel.

(sorry - I've been on too many God-Squad v. Atheist threads these last two weeks.)

joining and watching... i've only read up til page 5 so far but am going back to finish in a minute after i.....

go up into the loft RIGHT NOW to remove all the tinsel that dp bought last year... it will be in the bin within 5 minutes from now job done... why oh why do men love tinsel?

done!

now, lets get started

i can never decide on colour schemes and also how to find nice not tacky red and gold stuff... (low budget, i'm a wannabe ponce)

It is definitely a male thing. I got rid of his the first year we were together. He actually went out to buy some more. Never ever does he buy anything for the house except sodding tinsel

I found this website for decorations if you need ideas for different colours www.christmastimeuk.com/themes08.php?category=Christmas-Tree-Decorations&cat=102

Heals is usual pretty good

I copied this garland idea for my stairs but wound it round the bottom rather than the rail iyswim www.idealhomemagazine.co.uk/inspiredecor/gallery/v/christmas/Hallway.jpg.html

For those of us with duck egg blue this table looks quite good.

I am collecting vintage Scrabble tiles to make into individual name place settings for Christmas lunch

We are having the Farte-Worthingtons and the Minges over for the second year running.

Last year was SUCH a success. My antique lace napkins made from one of Queen Victoria's bridesmaids headresses were quite the talk of the town.

The cocoa beans are coming along nicely in the orangery, ready to be ground and made into hand poured chocolate baubles covered in gold leaf for the tree which I have already ordered from Arsons in Ashby De la Zouch.

Hope your preps are all going as swimmingly as mine