Fellatio's thread for a Poncetastic Christmas.

[FellatioNelson]

OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you.

[Decorhate]

Do you know anyone selling Phoenix cards MC? Always get lovely ones from there.

Am going to lurk on this thread in spite of the Aunt Bessie ban (dcs will only eat AB roasties)

[PhillipeVonRumple]

Ok, I need clarification about shrivelling oranges.
Any type of oranges?
How long for?
Oven temp?
I'm assuming you slice then dry?

I do love a poncetastic homemade wreath on the front door.

In my house there will be:
Gingham
A string of punched tin Christmas tree lights that I bought in sale from Laura Ashley
Holly
Candles


There will be no:
blue Christmas related lighting
Tinsel
Chocolate advent calendars (if I have my way but am always thwarted by well meaning relatives...grrr...)
Inflatable novelty santas/snowmen


Ave Maria

[PhillipeVonRumple]

Oh, Ave Maria was to end my post. There will most certainly be playing of Christmas Carols, The Rat Pack Christmas, Phil Spectors Christmas Album (greatest EVER) and of course ipod mix of Shakin Stephens, Slade etc.

[PhillipeVonRumple]

OH yes, Delia's Christmas cake, DEFINITELY.
Also, home made gingerbread house (decorated with sweets bought from local old fashioned sweet shop where you chose sweets from big jars)
Boys - can we have lemon curd recipe posted. We all LOVE lemon curd in the VonRumple household.

[MrsMadWriggle]

Do you know this is on "most active" threads?

[shudders to think what it'll be like in December scrooge emoticon]

[mathanxiety]

12 weeks

[itshappenedagain]

ooooohhh! count me in. i went and purchased all my jars and christmasy decorating bits for them last weekend.

[MrsDoofenshmirtz]

marking place

[notso]

Loving the ponctastic Christmas.

DC3 is due on 23rd Dec but I have already finished work so hopefully have plenty of time for ponctastic prep.

I am going to buy calico bags and paint/embroider them to use as gift bags.

I am gathering storage jars and tea trays to make sugar, spice and all things nice gifts.

Can someone reveal the secret of orange drying because mine always look shit.

[MarshaBrady]

This sounds lovely. I don't have to do anything this year other than do a long flight and wear a nice dress.

My mother is doing it all. She has started preparing now. Plus has a new kitchen to do it in. We will fly there and she will be tense and require order, but it will be good.

[BoysAreLikeDogs]

how to dry orange slices

Microwave Lemon Curd:

Am assuming a 750 watt microwave, amend accordingly.

Ingredients
Grated rind and juice of 4 (unwaxed preferably) lemons
100 g butter, diced
450 g caster sugar
4 eggs, beaten

Method
Mix together lemon juice, rind, butter and sugar in a pyrex-type glass bowl. Cook on high for about 4 minutes until butter has melted. Give it a stir and then stir in the eggs.

Cook on high for 5 - 7 minutes
Stop and whisk every minute
Do not overcook or you will make egg toffee
When the curd coats the back of a spoon then it is ready

Cool for 5 miutes, whisking every minute then pot into sterile jars.

Keep refrigerated for up to 2 weeks.

om nom NOM

[bellavita]

Well, I started a couple of weeks ago looking through my back copies of the xmas editions of Woman and Home and Good Food mag to get some ideas of what I can do to get ahead again this year..

My apple sauce is already done and in the freezer. Will order some red cabbage on next weeks shopping and will be able to get that done and in the freezer too!

Shiney, get with it love

[LowLevelWhiingeing]

For the gingham ponces

Mine arrived last week.

[loopyloops]

I've spent the morning sewing felt tree decorations, can I join you?

Poncetastic things that I do every year include going for a walk to find greenery and twisting it through fairly lights throughout the house. Surely that earns me my place on the thread?

[PhillipeVonRumple]

Thanks BALD

[LowLevelWhiingeing]

Crikey, you lot are really keen aren't you? You're making decorations and stuff already?!

I want to know how to do decorations so my house looks like Nigella's rather than Waynetta's.

[MarionCole]

I'm toying with making proper advent calendars too. I refuse to pay £30 for this when I can make a nicer one.

[greenlotus]

Gingham - check
homemade rustic decorations - check
Handmade wreath - check
Candles - check
Country Living Christmas issue - check

Any of DH's family prepared to drive for an hour to admire it? Never.

Think we will just have tinsel and baubles from Wilko this year and be done with it.

[Goldberry]

I'm dreaming of a poncetastic Christmas ... just like the ones I used to know [cheesy music emoticon] . Except I've never had one. DH is a Christmas scrooge. He thinks it's all a big waste of time and complains every year that I insist on having a tree!
However, I love Christmas and it's my first one as a SAHM, so I'm bloody well going to dry oranges and everything. Stuff him . Am I in?

[greenlotus]

Proper Advent Calendars

[MarionCole]

I made very simple advent calendars a few years ago that were small organza bags sewn onto a long piece of ribbon that I draped on the bannister. They were only meant to be a temporary measure but we are still using them. Will make new ones this year.

[PhillipeVonRumple]

YY country living christmas edition, possibly House Beautiful too.

Green Lotus - STEP AWAY FROM WILKOS...

Look: <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=imagesus.homeaway.com/vd2/files/WVR/400x300/48/457153/169798_1240686436149.jpg&imgrefurl=www.homeaway.com/vacation-rental/p169798&usg=__PXiVaRSYrsno1i39ue66EWfPcfo=&h=300&w=400&sz=48&hl=en&start=18&zoom=1&tbnid=zmsQmt4kRn9HqM:&tbnh=126&tbnw=173&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcountry%2Bhouse%2Bchristmas%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D566%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C486&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=500&ei=YuecTLbSIJa6jAfKzti0DQ&oei=WeecTJerCof2OeP9-cEL&esq=5&page=2&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:9,s:18&tx=30&ty=51&biw=1280&bih=566" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">ooooh gingham Christmas

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=www.countryliving.com/cm/countryliving/images/z8/gingerbread-house-de.jpg&imgrefurl=www.countryliving.com/homes/holiday-decorating-1208&usg=__eKH-B2mVlqUi9GsuRJVDr1i__Hk=&h=460&w=360&sz=59&hl=en&start=119&zoom=1&tbnid=mFJ5uPSCzGjYAM:&tbnh=127&tbnw=103&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcountry%2Bhouse%2Bchristmas%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D566%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C2782&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=366&ei=o-ecTJ3GCNTNjAeenvmwDQ&oei=WeecTJerCof2OeP9-cEL&esq=8&page=7&ndsp=21&ved=1t:429,r:12,s:119&tx=33&ty=58&biw=1280&bih=566" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">yum

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=ny-image2.etsy.com/il_430xN.43634910.jpg&imgrefurl=softiescentral.typepad.com/blog/2008/11/index.html&usg=__tGNkUmrSuHeZ4hoEMhckHwkK2dY=&h=583&w=430&sz=57&hl=en&start=23&zoom=1&tbnid=7sos7zNMijl6UM:&tbnh=140&tbnw=108&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfelt%2Bchristmas%2Bornaments%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB:official%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D566%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C459&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=726&vpy=206&dur=17&hovh=261&hovw=193&tx=119&ty=145&ei=5OecTL3lNtCNjAe795y-DQ&oei=3uecTPnLF4-ROKXjlLIL&esq=2&page=2&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:13,s:23&biw=1280&bih=566" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">may be too much, a combination of the cupcake/bunting genre AND poncetastic Christmas

[MarionCole]

Like these, but not socks.

[loopyloops]

More links please, I'm getting poncily excited.