So the new ap arrived last night .....

[cloudberry]

She missed the flight she was supposed to come on which would have arrived in the morning. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry! She speaks almost NO English! It's been rather tiring today. Armed with the smallest dictionary you have ever seen we have stumbled through the day. I have no idea if she understands anything. What on earth do you do when someone looks blankly at you when you ask 'Would you like ....?' or 'Do you want ....'? She has eaten 1 biscuit today unless she has a secret stash of food upstairs which she has wolfed down in 45 minutes this afternoon, the only time she has not been with me. She now tells me she is veggie when on her profile form the box was ticked next to 'No special dietary requirements ie vegetarian'!! I can't even tell her she will have to cook for herself as my dh likes to eat meat every night as she can't begin to understand. I have always cooked for our aps in the evening and don't mind doing it as one extra person makes no difference but I'm not going to produce 2 separate meals. However .... she has smiled all day, has smothered my 2 dcs in kisses all day. She has painted my dd's finger nails bright red and sprayed her in perfume, as well as bringing her a very sweet shirt and skirt as presents. My not quite 3 year old dd is in seventh heaven and has been mincing around all day. She has never looked so girly in her life! My dh has told the ap that make-up on the face is a no-no!! I shudder to think how the ap can top today in dd's eyes!

Since starting this, I have been talking to a friend of the ap's on MSN who has very good English and feel better that we have a translator! She told me that she felt bad that they had been misleading me about the ap's level of English as she (the friend) knew that the ap could speak NO ENglish at all. I need to have a little chat to the agency tomorrow. Despite all that, as long as she has a good attitude the language issue isn't a problem as it can only improve and she does seem very willing. She has been eager to help today and painted with the dcs this morning which I hate doing. I am glad that we've got another 4 months till no.3 arrives, things might look quite different if it was due next month!! She's quite differnent to the last wet ap. We've gone from anoraky geek to rather sophisticated warm Turkish girl. The other thing that makes me laugh is that all my worries about notes etc etc are completely irrelevant as she wouldn't be able to read them anyway so I'm going to having to show her exactly what I need help with instead of writing down her duties, and maybe that's not such a bad way to go. At least I'll know I've shown her myself how I like things done. So there you go for anyone who's interested(!) - End of part one of Cloudberry's new fascinating ap saga ....!!

Good luck!! I'm sure it'll be a learning curve for both of you. At least she is making a great effort with the DCs.

Well no great words of wisdom here but at least she is warm and smiley and dd is happy.
You sound lovely and I am sure with some high level input,all will work out fine.
Good luck and keep us updated.

wow well thats going to be an experience for you all hope she works out as you expect!

oh no cloudberry however she does sound fab with kids (would love it if my AP did that with my girls!!).

FWIW - on my questions that I get APs to complete there has only ever been one that has been absolutely truthful. So I'm not surprised re the English (although absolutely paramount one would have assumed). Re. current AP - I asked if she had any phobias and she said only to spiders/heights. Turns out she hates clowns/dressed up characters and when we go to the caravan (every weekend) there are 3 larger than life dressed up Rabbits/Dogs which she is scared of. .

Good luck anyway.

Hi Cloud.....
She sounds fantastic with the kids though!!! I'm very jealous!
And at least your food bills will be cheap if she doesn't eat! And as for the vege...just show her the pasta!
Definitely speak to the agency about the english, but did you see my post on the other thread about pic cards? It might help in the very beginning...Anyway,I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, and that she's a quick learner...

And now she's leaving on Friday .........

Oh no! Why? Did she come through an agency? I hope they are going to help find a replacement for free.

Oh cloudberry poor you! I'm hoping to have an au pair before too much longer (if I can find anyone willing to live in mid Wales) so I read these threads with interest, though rarely post. I hope you are able to find a good au pair to replace her soon.

I am beginning to get seriously paranoid. This is the third one to leave since July. Admittedly the one in July was only with us for the summer but lasted 3 weeks. The 2nd arrived at the end of August and lasted 5 weeks, supposed to be with us 6 months, and this one was supposed to be with us for at least a year!! A friend of hers speaks very good English and I talked to her this evening. The ap is VERY homesick, it's the first time she's been away from Turkey. But the friend said that she (the friend) is very disappointed with our ap. This is something she's prone to doing, saying she'll do something then changing her mind. Apparently the friend was concerned about her commitment way before she arrived here and kept asking the ap is she was sure she really wanted to do this, and the ap repeatedly said that she would stick it out. However the friend was writing all the emails for her and told me 2 days after the ap arrived that she felt really bad for deceiving us. Apparently it's nothing to do with us, all to do with the ap missing home, finding it really hard to adapt to life here - she's been here for 6 day for f's sake. I deliberately went for someone a bit older thinking I'd get a bit of maturity - She's 25!!! I'm seriously pissed off and quite upset. She's a really nice girl and I thought that it really could work. She has a lovely attitude and is sweet with the dcs. OK, the non-existent English has been interesting but that comes with a bit of time, and having had girls with not great attitudes, no language is not a problem as it can only get better. I've ordered her a big Turkish-English dictionary from Amazon which is arriving tomorrow express delivery as I thought it would help communication.

It has come completely out of the blue. This morning I spoke with the Turkish agency asking them if they could explain my work situation to her so that she understood what I needed from her when I'm busy. We had a good talk, they then spoke to her and came back to me with some suggestions like arranging for her to have a couple of hours extra one-to-one language tuition a week which she would pay for on top of going to school, which I've started making inquiries into. There was no hint of her wanting to leave, on the contrary they emphasised how much she liked us all etc etc. Then this afternoon, bang. I haven't been able to get hold of the UK agency so have no idea what's going to happen, though I know that they'll have to find me someone else. I'm really fed up with the whole f-ing thing actually. When the last ap left we said we weren't going to have another ap, and looked into mother's helps which are just too expensive. This agency has come very highly recommended so it's sod's bloody law that we end up with probably the flakiest candidate they've had! As I said, lovely girl but I think she's probably very spoilt, definitely from a wealthy family though she has worked hard uncomplainingly and smiled all the time. She has spent £120 cash on pay as you go Sim cards in 5 days!!!!!!! I know as I've been putting the money in on my card and she's been giving me the cash. Please wish me luck as I wish all you poor ap virgins tons and tons of the stuff!

Did your other au pairs tell you why they left so early? Sounds like you've had some very bad luck!

oh no cloudberry - I can really understand why you are so Fing angry as I was in the same situation not so long ago. Back in March had one AP that I had to sack, another that was lovely but left us cos she didn't like dd2. I'm now on my third and she is great and well worth the wait however* she is homesick and meant to be here for 6 months but is leaving early. So I'm back looking again. [frustration]

Whereabouts are you? I'm currently looking for my next AP on aupair-world and could forward you details of any that are in the UK that are looking for something now (we don't need anyone until January).

Mrs R you are sweet. Thank you. I'll wait and see what the agency have to say. We've paid them over £300 for this last one and if it doesn't work out within the first 28 days they have to produce 2 replacements to choose from. so I'm going to sit tight. The thing is, up till now we have only used ap world, and after this summer I can't be bothered to trawl through all the dross that applies, only to end up with more dross. Sorry that sounds very cynical but I am feeling more and more disillusioned, and frankly rather negative this morning, and it's my birthday today!!!!!

Happy Birthday .

I know what you mean about AP World - very time consuming. I wanted to do the Agency route but dh wouldn't let me - how about he recruit the next AP then? He would but he'd go for the one with big boobs!!

Have a lovely day and try not to let things bother you.

Thank you

cloudberry, so sorry to hear your ap has up and left. I am a near ap virgin as well.

I had a non-starter - told me 1 week before she was due to get on the plane she could not come. Actually, she did not tell me, she said she was busy and when I finally chased for her flight details, dropped the bombshell.

2 months later, I now have a really lovely lady living with us from aupair-world.

I know you have the agency to fall back on. But tbh, I would not trust them to do a thorough job. For your next 2 candidates, call them on the phone, that way you can judge their conversational English. Or at least email them.

For aupair-world, I have a long email questionnaire - which does 2 things: weeds out time-wasters because they cannot be bothered to answer and also gives me an inkling of how good their written English is (of course, they might get a friend to answer for them but hey, we don't have a lot to go on). Even if their conversational English is not up-to-scratch, you can at least write them written instructions. If they have studied English at some level, it usually tends to be that their written will be better than their conversational.

I assume that agencies tend to bring girls that are "fresh off the boat", so to speak. Can you request for one that has past aupair experience or has at least lived outside her parents' home before. That would minimise homesickness? I also ask if they have a boyfriend in their hometown (not great for the homesickness front).

Ultimately, it is luck as well. I wish you all the best for your next one.

Happy birthday cb!

Sorry to hear this ap hasn't worked out. Hope the agency come up with the goods for you!

Oh, CB, what a shame. But look on the bright side - you could have had endless problems with her lack of english and so on.

If it is any way a consolation, my very first au-pair ever was Turkish and she did exactly the same - after I forked out loads for BSM driving lessons (she said she could drive but turned out to be hopeless). She just got herself a job closer to friends in London, and upped and left (after admitting that she only took our job to get into the country as she always intended to work in London). she told us she had a new job at 4pm and agreed to stay until the following weekend.... at 9pm the same day we caught her sneaking out the back door with her suitcase!

We have had fab experiences with our Swedish & French au-pairs, and my friends swear by South American ones (so long as they have visas).

I so know how disheartening this is - I am currently looking for an AP myself to help support our nanny, and it is soul-destroying.

We really should all get together and set up some kind of Mumsnet 'word of mouth' nanny/ap matching service so we can avoid the hell that is aupairworld and so on..

where do you live? I can maybe pass on some of the names we are looking at (we have to reject all the ones who don't drive and aren't 'rural-orientated')?

Oh and blueshoes - would love to see a copy of your questionnaire - any chance you could cat me?

Oh no. This stinks. Maybe you should talk to the next one before she shows up and ask her all the things the agency has led you to believe.

I have just talked to the agency and THEY have been told that she's going to work for another family!!! She has a friend who arrived in England at the same time as her last week who lives in a big town about an hour away from us. The agency is pissed off too as this other family is nothing to do with them so we have both lost out. I've got to the stage when I simply don't know who or what to believe anymore. I don't understand why it all has to be so underhand. The ap via her English-speaking friend could have told me this last night instead of something completely different. We are VERY rural, she speaks no English as I keep saying so it's hard for her here. She has the sole use of a car but without the language and without knowing anyone where is she going to go at the moment? I can absolutely understand that being much closer to a friend from home is hugely attractive but why not be honest?! Hey ho, all grist to the mill and I hope one of the replacements I've been told will be emailed through for me to look at will work out OK. God I started this thread referring to it as my saga and boy isn't it ever!!

Second Swedish APs - current one is (although lives in Denmark) - in fact she's going to a big Swedish AP meetup tonight at the Swedish Church in Great Portland Street.

Squiffy - great idea - we should set up a website with standard questions, forum to chat, links to potential APs etc - mind you isn't that what AP world is meant to do?? Or how about a yahoo group? I'll see if I come across such a "private" group that we could use (rather than a public one like facebook). If anyone has any ideas???

Oh, if anyone's interested, here are my current questions....

1. What dates are you available from?

1. How long are you planning to stay for?

1. Why do you want to come to London?

1. Do you have any friends/family in London/England?

1. If so, where do they live?

1. Why do you want to be an Au Pair?

1. Describe your family life. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Are they older or younger than you?

1. What previous experience have you had of looking after children? What ages were they?

1. What was the BEST part of looking after them?

10. What did you NOT like when looking after them?

11. Are you able to cook?

12. If so, what is your favourite meal that you could cook for us?

13. Describe a typical ?balanced? meal that you could prepare for the girls?

14. What morals (good behaviour) did your parents raise you with?

15. You will have plenty of spare time, what do you plan to do with this?

16. If we go on holiday, would you be prepared to join us?

17. Describe your health in the past year.

18. What activities have you done in the last month (eg studying, clubbing)?

19. What pocket money are you expecting for 25 hours a week and, up to, 2 evenings a week babysitting?

20. Do you have funds for your flight to the UK?

21. Do you have any phobias/allergies (eg spiders/travel sickness)?

22. What interested you in our Family?

23. Is there any element of the role you need further explanation (most of it is detailed in our profile)?

24. Do you have any questions?

OH NO cloudberry - somehow I just knew that would be the case. Stop trying to make excuses for her - she couldn't speak English (which was a key requirement) therefore her inability to socialise was not due to your location, it was due to her blatent lie(s). You live in a wonderful part of the country that some APs would would love. I think the problem with APs nowadays is that they see the role as a quick entry to the UK/London so that they can embark on a busy social life whilst having board and lodging. I kid you not - I see it all the time with applicants - as soon as they find out I'm in Zone 5 I don't here from them again.

I used to be an au pair when I was 18. I went up to my room, looked out of the window, saw all the houses built around and started crying! I immediately started counting the days until I could go home for Christmas. I stayed a year, even though they asked mt to stay another year, and I am glad I did it but it is a big deal to go abroad when so young.

Are English girls allowed to be au apirs or do they want too much money?

Sorry, but I think the agency is telling you porkies. Wasn't English speakin one of your requirements. They certainly failed to work that out. And who know what they told her? Probably told her you lived in downtown London.

I'd be onto the Agency demanding two SUITABLE candidates or my money back.

Can't you set up a private group on facebook?

Squiffy/Cloudberry, Mrs Recycle's list is pretty comprehensive. I have a few other questions to add, a few are based on my personal circumstances:

Why do you want to come to [where you live]?

Have you had sole charge of a baby/toddler?

Have you changed nappies before?

[List one example of your dcs' challenging behaviour, in my case my dd's refusal to get dressed for school], how would you encourage her to speed up?

Can you describe the types of activities you did with the children you looked after? Did you take them out alone?

What references you able to provide? Are they in English? Also, contact telephone numbers for these references. Do they speak English?

Are your parents happy with your decision to become an Au Pair?

What do you plan to do after you finished au-pairing?

Do you have a UK bank account?

Have you had any first aid training?

What food do you like?

What food do you not like?

What is your favourite meal?

Do you have any allergies or health concerns?

What is your current level of English - conversational and written? Can you, for example, chat on the phone, understand simple instructions?

Do you intend to take English language lessons when in UK?

Do you have a boyfriend?