Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

So the new ap arrived last night .....

114 replies

cloudberry · 07/11/2007 22:31

She missed the flight she was supposed to come on which would have arrived in the morning. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry! She speaks almost NO English! It's been rather tiring today. Armed with the smallest dictionary you have ever seen we have stumbled through the day. I have no idea if she understands anything. What on earth do you do when someone looks blankly at you when you ask 'Would you like ....?' or 'Do you want ....'? She has eaten 1 biscuit today unless she has a secret stash of food upstairs which she has wolfed down in 45 minutes this afternoon, the only time she has not been with me. She now tells me she is veggie when on her profile form the box was ticked next to 'No special dietary requirements ie vegetarian'!! I can't even tell her she will have to cook for herself as my dh likes to eat meat every night as she can't begin to understand. I have always cooked for our aps in the evening and don't mind doing it as one extra person makes no difference but I'm not going to produce 2 separate meals. However .... she has smiled all day, has smothered my 2 dcs in kisses all day. She has painted my dd's finger nails bright red and sprayed her in perfume, as well as bringing her a very sweet shirt and skirt as presents. My not quite 3 year old dd is in seventh heaven and has been mincing around all day. She has never looked so girly in her life! My dh has told the ap that make-up on the face is a no-no!! I shudder to think how the ap can top today in dd's eyes!

Since starting this, I have been talking to a friend of the ap's on MSN who has very good English and feel better that we have a translator! She told me that she felt bad that they had been misleading me about the ap's level of English as she (the friend) knew that the ap could speak NO ENglish at all. I need to have a little chat to the agency tomorrow. Despite all that, as long as she has a good attitude the language issue isn't a problem as it can only improve and she does seem very willing. She has been eager to help today and painted with the dcs this morning which I hate doing. I am glad that we've got another 4 months till no.3 arrives, things might look quite different if it was due next month!! She's quite differnent to the last wet ap. We've gone from anoraky geek to rather sophisticated warm Turkish girl. The other thing that makes me laugh is that all my worries about notes etc etc are completely irrelevant as she wouldn't be able to read them anyway so I'm going to having to show her exactly what I need help with instead of writing down her duties, and maybe that's not such a bad way to go. At least I'll know I've shown her myself how I like things done. So there you go for anyone who's interested(!) - End of part one of Cloudberry's new fascinating ap saga ....!!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
blueshoes · 14/11/2007 13:31

Cloudberry; "I don't understand why it all has to be so underhand."

I so agree with that statement. That sums up the whole aupair hiring business. My first non-show was just using me as a back up for her plans (whatever they were) and stung me along for 2 months.

I was advised by a veteran aupair hirer to email more than one girl (this is aupair world) at a time and hold simultaneous discussions as at any time in the process, you might fail to get a reply or find they have accepted another family or changed their mind. In fact, to continue doing so even after I have made an offer just-in-case. I could not do the last one - too cruel to the girls. But I have been hurt like you.

I think because in your case, the aupair was with you for a week, it stings all the more. It seems like a personal rejection after she had met your family. But ultimately they look after themselves and you should look after yourself. Hope the next one works out better.

cloudberry · 14/11/2007 13:49

Thank you everyone. I think I must be coming across like a right whinger, I'm sorry about that. I'm cross but I'm moving on. It is all useful because I am in the process of realising I need to be an awful lot tougher and maybe more aloof with them until it's clear it'll work. Each one has taught me things and I can feel myself stiffening my backbone in true british style. And you're right blueshoes, they're looking out for themselves and I must stop being so nice until they've earned it!!!!

OP posts:
laura032004 · 14/11/2007 14:44

You're not coming across as a whinger at all!

I'm getting a bit worried about my aupair now. Up until now she has always replied very promptly to emails. I emailed her on Friday (with some pictures attached) and haven't heard anything back since. I emailed her again this morning, to check the other email had got through OK, and although I've had a 'read receipt' she hasn't replied.

I really need an aupair to start on the 25th at the latest, preferably ASAP. I might be asking for suggestions of likely candidates soon myself!

Will be gutted if she's changed her mind (she said she'd booked her ferry ticket, but it was only £35, so not much if she's had a change of heart), because I've turned down a very very nice sounding girl who couldn't start until January.

SquiffyonSnowballs · 14/11/2007 15:45

uh oh... It does sound as if she might be thinking about another job if she is reading but not responding to emails... I have had that one too!!!

Oh it is a grim grim world.

If, by the way, Laura, you can't wait till January for your lovely alternative au-pair, do please point her in the direction of Cloudberry or me (v cheeky )!

laura032004 · 14/11/2007 18:04

Still no reply.

Might email her and ask her if she is still coming. Would rather know one way or the other.

SOS - I don't really know that she is lovely, but she is the best friend of my neighbours aupair, who is lovely. And her email reply was fab. When I asked a question about drugs, she said she'd rather die than touch drugs. A bit extreme, but I'm sure she was telling truth. She wants to live near her friend though.

laura032004 · 14/11/2007 19:54

I rang her..... and got her mum.... who doesn't speak English!

So I rang her mobile and no answer.... panic stations!

But she's just rung to say her laptop doesn't work at her boyfriends, so she couldn't reply to my emails, but all is well, and she's still coming

And her mum sent me a lovely franglais email to say all is well.

Pheeew! I really need the help at the moment as we're sooooo busy, and I was dreading her not turning up.

cloudberry · 14/11/2007 20:09

Laura I'm really glad she's made contact with you. I know our experiences have been a bit ridiculous and I will keep all fingers crossed for you that you have a happy time with her.

OP posts:
ingles2 · 14/11/2007 21:12

Hi Cloud....Am soo disappointed for you, please take heart that it's not you, or your family and everyone I know has been moaning what a bad year it's been for AP's! Having a fair amount of experience what the agency is saying rings pretty true for me,..and the rural thing is a nightmare, (did I ever tell you about the romanian girl who complained to her agency she was forced to live in a wooden shack in the country!...erm that's called a 16c cottage!)...but girls do come along, just not quite so easily...stand your ground with the agency, and keep going until the offer someone who really is suitable!

cloudberry · 14/11/2007 22:19

Ok the agency have sent me through 8 new girls' details. some are no good on immediate skimming. I know it's been done before on other threads but to save me time, anyone have any thoughts on which nationalities seem to do au pairing the best. I know about the Romanians and I wouldn't go near a French girl - fingers burnt there last year. There's an interesting sounding Czech girl, one from Estonia and one from Poland. Thanks Ingles, it helps to know that!! The ap wrote me a note this evening with the help of her friend.It seems that there are wires crossed. Her friend here in England wants her to go and join a family near her, but our ap really wants to go back home. She said that she doesn't feel mature enough to stay here but if she did decide to stay then she'd remain with us and then lots of nice things about us which is very sweet. She really seems like a genuinely nice girl and I do believe her. I've liked her as a person from the start, which has made this doubly upsetting in a way. Going back to the new candidates, clearly I need to talk to the agency and see if she has any views about any of them tomorrow.

OP posts:
GloriaInEleusis · 14/11/2007 22:27

Oh, you are going to be in trouble with the French.

I recommend Estonians, Canadian, and I've heard good things about Swedes. However, this is masive stereo typing.

Oh, and Americans are lovely.

cloudberry · 14/11/2007 22:34

I know it's stereotyping but there is some truth in it, and you lot collectively have immense experience!

OP posts:
laura032004 · 14/11/2007 23:46

What's wrong with the French [very worried emoticon!]

cloudberry · 15/11/2007 08:31

Laura don't worry. Despite what I've just said about truth in stereotyping, everyone is different. I have talked about our french ap on here last year and I'm not going to frighten you off just because ours didn't work out. In the same way I would be happy to have a Trukish girl again because I don't think what has just happened to us is necessarily true of every Turkish ap who comes to England. If you have had good communication with your girl and you have a good feeling about her, go for it. |The only way you are going to know is by having her in your house and seeing what happens. I will be thrilled for you if it is successful because it's such a pain when it goes wrong. As other people have said to me here at the end of the day it's down to luck. xx

OP posts:
Issy · 15/11/2007 08:47

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request

SquiffyonSnowballs · 15/11/2007 09:10

FWIW I always actively hunt out Scandinavians because:-

  1. They love the outdoors and aren't fazed by bad weather
  2. They seem to be genuinely cheerful on the whole
  3. They seem to get the whole 'playing' thing when it comes to kids
  4. Perfect English

On the downside though, they do eat you out of house and home, they always have shedloads of (admittedly charming) friends coming to stay for weekends, and they were hiding behind the door when ironing skills were handed out...

My Swedish au-pair left almost 2 years ago but is still a big part of our life - lots of photos and letters and visits.

blueshoes · 15/11/2007 09:23

Coincidentally, my no-show aupair who strung me along until the last minute was French Algerian. It was the first time I was hiring an aupair, she pressured me to make her an offer. I liked her enthusiaism and interest in my children and did.

Then her emails gradually got less and less frequent. She griped about the school run (long walk), assured me that it was ok and she was still coming even though I said the job comes with the school run. Kept asking me the same questions about duties, as if she never read my previous emails. Then she started giving excuses about not answering promptly (like tired) and finally dropped the bombshell one week before - that she was already on another (non-ap) job.

I am now paranoid. Until the aupair turns up at my doorstep, I don't relax.

Having said that, I haven't ruled out French aupairs. I was unlucky, I reckon.

blueshoes · 15/11/2007 09:24

Oh, and she was from the South of France. On the day she arrived to meet my family (she was on a holiday), it was pouring with rain. I think that spooked her.

tasjaSAmuminUK · 15/11/2007 09:34

try south africans

MrsRecycle · 15/11/2007 09:47

My friend has had an Estonian Nanny for over 6 years now (her kids even speak it!) and highly recommends them. Funnily enough, whilst on hols met a family from Estonia and they were lovely - my kids seem to mix with them very well (even through language barrier!). I've had a Romanian who was wonderful and is now a mumsnetter's Nanny but she was live-out so can't vouch for the food thing (although she never ate when she came to us). I did like the Czech's when I went to Prague - very friendly.

I think rather than look at nationality you should look for their reasons being here (earn more money, enjoy being part of english family) and also ask them if they know anyone in the immediate area - if not how do they propose to make friends. As the saying goes, once bitten...etc...

All too quickly this year, I've gone for the quick option that can start ASAP and its turned out a nightmare - best to take your time and find the right one who is going to stay (which I do know you will find!). Good luck

frannikin · 15/11/2007 10:27

As a child the best ap we had was Swedish the Bulgarian one was really grumpy and the Czech one didn't speak English, but did teach me some Russian...

From my parents POV the Swedish one was great with kids but useless around the house, the Bulgarian one was the ideal housekeeper but useless with kids and the Czech one was just a bit dippy all round.

Not sure that helps at all!

Now we're all too old for an au pair my parents have international university students boarding with them and currently have a really lovely German ap who does housework and took over my sister's babysitting jobs (which she nabbed from me when I left home).

jINGLESbells · 15/11/2007 11:03

It is soo important to help the AP find friends as quickly as possible so their new life becomes normal quickly and they don't have time to be homesick. I really recommend spending a couple of hours helping them find a college course, and helping them to enrol..or use aupair2aupair site,..Peter Pan agency is part of this,..as is Millenium..
By the way do you like my new xmas name?

MrsRecycle · 15/11/2007 11:52

love it Jingles!!! what a great name!!

jINGLESbells · 15/11/2007 12:01

Thanks Mrs Recycle...I was rather chuffed with it myself..

cloudberry · 15/11/2007 12:14

It took me a moment to work it out jingles!! Very clever! Very festive! Enough exclamation marks for now. We are lucky as there is a great language school near us where all the aps in the area go, it's free for EU students and flexible with non-EU too. I get them started asap as an ap with asocial life is a happy ap. But sometimes you can't win. The last one ie German Sept one was so timid in 5 weeks she still had no friends and that was despite her going to school 3 mornings a week! A good friend of mine also has a lovely German ap and she bent over backwards to be friendly and gave up in disgust, so there you go ... Peter Pan sent me details of the aupair2aupair website and I registered our Turk on it and will definitely do the same with the next one. God I feel rather like an ap production line.

OP posts:
jINGLESbells · 15/11/2007 12:32

LOL Cloud...I know what you mean! that ap2ap site is great I think..Took an hour or so to show ap who was nearby and help her compose an email but she had loads of responses from it and seems to meeting new AP's every other day...she's german but czech born, family...the other germans have been a bit snooty when it comes to making friends, I've reminded them (well, him!) they don't need to be bosom buddies immediately just some company to share experiences..he chose to remain friendless!