So the new ap arrived last night .....

[cloudberry]

She missed the flight she was supposed to come on which would have arrived in the morning. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry! She speaks almost NO English! It's been rather tiring today. Armed with the smallest dictionary you have ever seen we have stumbled through the day. I have no idea if she understands anything. What on earth do you do when someone looks blankly at you when you ask 'Would you like ....?' or 'Do you want ....'? She has eaten 1 biscuit today unless she has a secret stash of food upstairs which she has wolfed down in 45 minutes this afternoon, the only time she has not been with me. She now tells me she is veggie when on her profile form the box was ticked next to 'No special dietary requirements ie vegetarian'!! I can't even tell her she will have to cook for herself as my dh likes to eat meat every night as she can't begin to understand. I have always cooked for our aps in the evening and don't mind doing it as one extra person makes no difference but I'm not going to produce 2 separate meals. However .... she has smiled all day, has smothered my 2 dcs in kisses all day. She has painted my dd's finger nails bright red and sprayed her in perfume, as well as bringing her a very sweet shirt and skirt as presents. My not quite 3 year old dd is in seventh heaven and has been mincing around all day. She has never looked so girly in her life! My dh has told the ap that make-up on the face is a no-no!! I shudder to think how the ap can top today in dd's eyes!

Since starting this, I have been talking to a friend of the ap's on MSN who has very good English and feel better that we have a translator! She told me that she felt bad that they had been misleading me about the ap's level of English as she (the friend) knew that the ap could speak NO ENglish at all. I need to have a little chat to the agency tomorrow. Despite all that, as long as she has a good attitude the language issue isn't a problem as it can only improve and she does seem very willing. She has been eager to help today and painted with the dcs this morning which I hate doing. I am glad that we've got another 4 months till no.3 arrives, things might look quite different if it was due next month!! She's quite differnent to the last wet ap. We've gone from anoraky geek to rather sophisticated warm Turkish girl. The other thing that makes me laugh is that all my worries about notes etc etc are completely irrelevant as she wouldn't be able to read them anyway so I'm going to having to show her exactly what I need help with instead of writing down her duties, and maybe that's not such a bad way to go. At least I'll know I've shown her myself how I like things done. So there you go for anyone who's interested(!) - End of part one of Cloudberry's new fascinating ap saga ....!!

I'm hoping our aupair will be OK friendwise because her best friend will be working a few miles away. However, you can never have too many friends! The website says you need a password though - our ap isn't coming through an agency - is there any way we can buy a membership to the website or anything? I couldn't see any details on the site.

Thank god someone asked about the nationality thing (thanks Cloudberry!). Was going to be my next new thread.

I don't think so Laura but I might be wrong. I think it's just agencies so the people using it can be verified as AP's. I did a little google and found www.aupairzone.net don't know if it's any good though and also there seems to an au pair friends section in the marvellous gumtree.

our american found loads of mates through a church. she searched the internet for churches in the city that were particularly welcoming to international young people, and it was fantastic. Lots of groups and parties. She also took a pilates class.

Laura, is your ap French?

You know my current (most useless ever AP is French, can't/won't even pair socks!! DH came back from a week in the USA a while back, 2 out of his 7 pair of socks had a partner!

CB I'm sorry, it is such a pita, good luck with the new candidates.

Our first Au pair (currently been with us for three months) is German and so far absolutely wonderful!
She has very good English - too good for her to undertaken an English course so she is doing a Higher in English literature instead.
Although we live in a rural area, she has managed to make contact with four or five other German au pairs around here and, although I don't think any of them would be bosum buddies at home, they are socialising at weekends as a group.
I will definitely be looking for another German next time. She is actually from East Germany, although I don't know that this means much.

Mrs Recycle - I have Swedish AP at the moment who is also off to the Swedish church on a regular basis (not tonight though, as she's going to Paris ). Seems to be a great organisation. She is a delightful girl, very switched on and apart from a few teething problems that I need to talk to her about, we're v happy, so another vote here for Scandinavian girls.

I can't get hold of the f-ing agency! The number comes back with the message "the number you are calling is unavailable", apparently it was put onto divert this morning to an incorrect number and hasn't been changed yet. I emailed her at lunchtime and nada. I'm not going to try and ring again because frankly why should I chase her. Am I being ridiculous here? Someone give me a reality check please. I can feel myself rapidly losing the plot. I WANT SERVICE AND I WANT IT NOW GODAMMIT AND I DON'T WANT TO WAIT. Do you see what I mean? Arghhhhh! She said she'd arrange to me to ring the 2 possible candidates this evening .....

I'm thinking you're going to be owed a part refund, or a credit towards your next ap arrangement (after this one goes beautifully for 6 months ).

Ask for a personal mobile number. That will show how committed they are.

luckyblackcat - our ap is French. Not arrived yet. She gets here on Sunday

laura OOOhhh La La! Bon Chance.

Wilbur just been chatting to AP and she is helping out at the Christmas Fayre on 24th November all day - if your AP is going maybe I could introduce them. Tell your AP she missed a good night on Weds - it was salsa.

Oh cb am so for you. And to think I was contemplating the agency route this time (just don't tell eleusis!)

Anyway if anyone wants a laugh - I've just received a reply to the questions sent out and guess what "pocket" money she wants - £8 to £9 per HOUR yes (hour!!) A lot more than dh gets paid!!

This is a really interesting thread.
I had my first aupair start last August. She was English.
I should have smelt a rat. She lasted a month. I couldn't stand the endless jabbering, She never left me alone. She was willing though. But had a problem with alcohol I think. It's put me off having anyone to live here again.
I'm currently employing a mother's help. They're more expensive but it's so nice not having anyone living in.
I've got all my help from "gumtree' a fab site.

MrsS
Did you put an advert in, or did you respond to advert?
I'm thinking about changing out current situation. We have our 3rd aupair ( 3rd in 1 year), and at the end of me tether.
What kind of duties does your mothers help have and if you don't mind what kind of rate dso they generally expect?
Our advert will have to read " hands on person, not afraid of work and bright noisy children required to make mother's life more tolerable" "School pick ups, and playing essential, and common sense a must"
Two dd's get picked up and dropped to school but don't get anything else. No huggles and very little fun from current lady who again another who often has a face that rarely smiles....

I replied to a gumtree post and got even more of a shock. An 18-yr old who wanted a summer holidays aupair role said this to me in an email:

I would be interested in a salary range of £180+ per week. This will include my complete dedication to your family, and I would gladly cook meals and help out cleaning when needed.

£7.20 per hour! For 25 hours work per week, live-in.

friendly... I put an ad in. It was good to be able to do that because I could alter the ad when the replies I got weren't quite what I wanted, you know I realised I hadn't stipulated this and that. The other great thing is that it's free and you can keep 'bumping' your ad as often as you want.

I pay my mother's help £7.00 an hour. She is great. very good with the children and fantastic with the housework.
I've got a gem, sadly she'll only be here until may at the latest. I could kidnap her I suppose!!!
The good thing about Gumtree and sifting through emails from people is that you get a feel for what might be suitable.

I've generally found the responses to be goo though.

Laura, that's mental!!!

I got my live-out AP (I guess you would say mothers help as I was always there) from gumtree and she was wonderful - so good she is now a Nanny for a fellow mumsnetter (introduced via this board!). I used to pay £6 per hour for 10 hours a week.

The problem is I need someone to cover when dds are ill. I actually don't mind them living in. Friendly - my 1st sacked AP never smiled (in fact cried!) so I learnt from that mistake - never hire someone from a photo where they don't smile.

good not goo

you're right MrdsRecycle re smiling and photos etc
Our first found it very difficult also to smile. it was interesting that i only realised that her details had been sent a second time to me several weeks later and had out her on no pile first as thought she looked too miserable... and my gut instinct was right.
I hate the idea of judging books by covers...but????
I was beginning to think that it was us, but most other people smile when we're about!!

mrs S sounds like the way forward- look out for my advert coming soon!!!

I'm trying to decide between AP2 and a live-out mother's help.

Totting up the additional costs of having another adult in the house for almost all their meals, additional meals when out, hotel rooms if away, additional electricity, water, phone, contribution to visa, courses, etc, I reckon the hourly cost must be approaching £6. Does that seem about right?

Actually there was a thread a few months ago on this. Will try to dig out.

I suspect, though, that the financial case is pretty weak for APs, it's down to the convenience of having someone live in and working around your schedule.

You don't have to pay for courses and I wouldn't count in things like hotel rooms because you can always leave them at home when you go away (it just becomes a factor when working out the holiday cost and the bring them/leave them decision). You can get skype or an internet phone for calls. Additional meals when out are minimal as you are either somewhere childrfriendly (and therefore cheap) or she will be babysitting at home. And remember that some of these costs apply to nannies too.

Marginal cost of the things you mention are really low, but the biggies are:

1. Adding onto the Car insurance
2. Repairing things that get broken (but probably a good preparation for parenting teenagers). Special sub-clause for silk blouses ironed with the iron on a cotton setting.
3. Food. Never underestimate the appetite of an au-pair. the ratio of calorie-consumption-to-energy-expended will have you green with envy.
4. Xmas presents and flight home for a holiday (which they always manage to wrangle out of you).

Despite all of this though I still firmly believe that they are cheap as chips especially when you factor in the unsocial hours they do sometimes.

Squiffy, I've had a good number of delicates, particularly jumpers shrunk to within an inch of their lives by enthusiastic helpers chucking them in the tumble drier. My rule now is none of my clothes go the drier!!!

I think I need somebody actually living with us, as opposed to a mothers help, because having the split shift approach will be very helpful. I can't see anyone wanting to do 9-11 and 4.30-7.30 5 days a week for £6 per hour.

1. I don't think I'll put our au-pair on the car insurance. We don't have a spare car at the moment (although we will from April - may have to hide it!), and the bus service to the city centre is fine.

1. Won't ask her to iron anything other than cotton shirts for DH. What else do they break?!?

1. My ap has already said one of her bad traits is that she's 'greedy'! Wonder what that will mean in terms of food consumption?

1. Can cope with an extra present, and her ferry home is only £35 single, so I wouldn't even mind footing the bill for a £70 return if she's good and wants to come back after Christmas.

Mine now buys her own biscuits, as I will only buy 1 packet a week for the whole house! I do bake as well, but never had such an empty treat tin!

Also mine is too dim to wrap the cheese before putting in fridge, so lots of wasted chees.

Loads of cereal too, my last (and lovely) AP got through packets of the stuff.

Current AP shrunk my best jumper last week as handwash only, so miffed about that. She is now on folding dry stuff only, not loading washer or dryer.

We've asked the agency for a refund as the level of service has been truly appalling. We could be gearing up for a fight as she has already declined once today but we are armed with some friendly legal help who has looked a their Ts & Cs and reckons that we should absolutely be entitled to a full refund. The extraordinary thing was that her response to my comment that I've learnt that our location played a huge part in our ap's decision to leave us was "Turkish girls are renowned for needing more than most to be in a town, it really just depends on the girl. Personally I think it was because her friend was in a town that didn't help." Cor thanks agency, why on earth did you send us Turkish girls' details in the first place, when I explained very early on that we lived in the middle of nowhere. Un-bloody-believable! I have fallen back on to another agency, spoke to her this morning and have, fingers crossed pretty much got a lovely sounding Italian girl coming next week for 3 months to tide us over while she looks for someone more long-term. This agency is a very different kettle of fish, more a genuine one woman band and absolutely straight.

Will you name and shame the agency? Or is it best to wait until you've had your refund?

I think a refund's in order - especially with comments like that.