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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Life Dilemma : pregnant with no 3 accidentally

118 replies

ginso · 02/01/2006 08:57

Am facing big decision: after 2 IVF babies (first time round in each case) have now got accidentally pregnant - 6 weeks. Am 41 this year and have a 10 month old and a 3.5 year old. Am just back to work and getting life back to normal. Not at all sure what to do - but with 2 boys, might end up with a girl (which would be ace). What shall I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cathyspam · 02/01/2006 09:01

you need to listen to your heart and go with that - practicalities can always be worked out. You obviously have been badly wanting children in the past to go through IVF so how would you feel in the future if you didnt have this one?

Auntybrandybutter · 02/01/2006 09:02

You arent considering not having the baby are you?

Original poster

ginso · 02/01/2006 09:09

well yes - hence my dilemma. 3 children will make a big difference to our lives in terms of what we can do for our boys and what we have to change. -

OP posts:

misdee · 02/01/2006 09:11

wow, thats a miracle.

having 3 wont make much difference tbh. i have 3 kids, (5yr old, 3yr old and 10month old) and tbh the youngest just fitted in perfectly.

Auntybrandybutter · 02/01/2006 09:13

No one can make the choice for you! I think you are very lucky falling pregnant after having problems in the past. Personally I dont think there is a choice, but thats just me!!

cathyspam · 02/01/2006 09:14

i think from your post you do want this baby deep down and all you need to do for your boys is love them and there is more than enough love to go around. The age gaps will also be good - DS2 will be too young to get very jealous and DS1 will be old enough to understand.

JoolsToo · 02/01/2006 09:17

I agree with Auntybrandy

I have 3 and No 3 wasn't expected. It is harder work, inevitably, but worth it.

LadyTophamHatt · 02/01/2006 09:19

No 3 fits in easily IME.

Original poster

ginso · 02/01/2006 09:22

I think you're probably right, but I'm dreading being pregnant again. I'd literally just thrown all my stuff away with glee, thinking yippee no more horrible bras and clothes. I've put all youngest's clothes into charity so have no baby stuff. I have a husband with back problems who isn't chuffed to say the least, and a 4 day early am commute to London which was a bit of a killer last time. I've only just gone back to work (4 weeks) to a promotion and a new team who need a lot of support: they will be incredulous that I'm off again. Am worried too that youngest son will be 15 months and still need a lot of lifting etc..... And oldest son will be starting school 3 days after due date. So quite stressful. I know I should be overjoyed but so many other things to take into account.

OP posts:

Auntybrandybutter · 02/01/2006 09:22

I have 5!! so cant really comment..yes money isnt as free flowing so material things arent given but they each get love and attention. But material stuff isnt important to me!

SoupDragon · 02/01/2006 09:22

Wow!

You really need to sit down with your DH and talk it through. Make a list of the things you think will have to change and then think about how important those things really are and how long they'd actually have to change for. Same for what difficulties you perceive. Do the same with a "pro" list too with all the plus points.

It's a big step to decide not to have a baby and would imagine given that you had to make such a big decision to have the first 2 it would be more difficult for you than most. No one can make that decision for you.

Good luck.

daisiesinaline · 02/01/2006 09:40

I fell pregnant with No 3 unexpectedly and was devastasted. Cried and cried for weeks. My health has not been good in the past and I really struggled when my other two were tiny. Plus I was thinking of the financial/practical aspect - car space, house space etc.

Baby number 3 is now 9 months old and he has enriched our lives dramatically. I am so glad we had our little 'accident' and feel he was truely meant to be.

Your No 3 is a true miracle. Embrace him/her. He/she will enrich your family - believe me.

hercules · 02/01/2006 09:42

Personally I know I couldnt have another. It's such a personal decision you need to make between you and your dh,

agalch · 02/01/2006 09:47

I know how you feel ginso.I am pg with no4 (bit of a surprise) and i could only see the negatives although i am normally a really positive person.I am a childminder so have to think about the work thing as well as my dd who will bw only 2 when babe arrives.My boys will be nearly 15 and nearly 11 and they still need a lot of my time.Esp the eldest whos hormones are all over the place.Imy dp keeps saying there are worse things than having a baby but hes at work all day and i'm planning to bf again so he can easily say that cant he.when i stop worrying about everything i can see myself with a lovely baby so i think things will be fine,i hope!!!

sparklymieow · 02/01/2006 09:48

our no.3 wasn't planned at all, I cried for months, and even considered adoption at 6 months pregnant, I gave birth at 7 months and as soon as I saw her, I fell in love. She is now 4 and only 15 months younger than her sister and she just slotted into our life.
What you decide is totally up to you.

Glitterygook · 02/01/2006 09:49

Agree with hercules, nobody can make this decision for you.

I'm so sure I don't want more and know I would be devastated to find myself pg with number 4 (have 3 boys under 5 already!). I really don't want to go through pregnancy and tiny babyhood again. If by some miracle I did get pg, I know I'd go ahead with it though - I know that once the baby was born I wouldn't regret it and they would be loved like all the others. IMO, the material things they might 'go without' would be irrelevant compared to the richness of having siblings.

However, I'm one of 3 and love having 2 brothers and I also have 3 of my own, so of course I think 3 is a fab number of children to have.

Auntybrandybutter · 02/01/2006 09:50

I fell pregnant last year..we wernt trying to have a baby but not trying not to iyswim!
I lost the baby..its had such a huge effect on me, how anyone can choose to 'loose' one is uncomprehensable to me!

hercules · 02/01/2006 09:57

but glittergook, it's a personal thing. I'm sure I would love a baby if I had another through no choice but it would also devestate me beyond logical reason. For me it's not a question of the finances etc but my sanity as a human being.

Auntybrandybutter · 02/01/2006 10:01

if you are so desperate not to have another why dont you get strealised to prevent it rather than having to face this situation?

hercules · 02/01/2006 10:02

We are currently considering one of us doing that.

Glitterygook · 02/01/2006 10:04

I'm with you hercules - I totally understand, me too, I just know that for me there would only be one path to take - to have the baby.

Auntybrandybutter · 02/01/2006 10:12

me too I couldnt get rid of a baby.

hercules · 02/01/2006 10:14

It is a personal thing but an option nethertheless.

hercules · 02/01/2006 10:14

It is a personal thing but an option nethertheless.

hercules · 02/01/2006 10:14

It is a personal thing but an option nethertheless.

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