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Original poster

Life Dilemma : pregnant with no 3 accidentally

118 replies

ginso · 02/01/2006 08:57

Am facing big decision: after 2 IVF babies (first time round in each case) have now got accidentally pregnant - 6 weeks. Am 41 this year and have a 10 month old and a 3.5 year old. Am just back to work and getting life back to normal. Not at all sure what to do - but with 2 boys, might end up with a girl (which would be ace). What shall I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Kanda · 06/01/2006 12:52

Just read this entire thread and my head is reeling! Hope you come to the right decision for you Ginso. Am currently in similar position, accidently pg with no 5 when no 4 just 6 months old. No 4 has been hell to bf and didn't sleep at all for 6 months so not quite the plan we had. Trying to count blessings though. DH finding it really hard to talk about but even he understands that after 6 miscarriages in 11 years for me to terminate would be too awful. Under no illusions that will be very hard as I'm 40 in a few days as well. But to go ahead, however many problems we have is right for us. I am personally against abortion but I still feel that all women should have the choice so good luck - your body, your life.

Beetrootfultoyourself · 07/01/2006 11:42

How you feeling Ginso

nannyme · 08/01/2006 17:24

Think ginso may have been scared away from this thread by the pro-lifers!

Well done.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 08/01/2006 18:04

I agree with Nutty and Auntiebutterbrandy

ggglimpopo · 08/01/2006 18:05

Message withdrawn

nannyme · 08/01/2006 18:16

The well done was meant sarcastically, btw.

As IF it would be a choice made out of convenience?!!

It is a BIG responsibility having a baby - that is why we try and tell teenage girls not to get pregnant. You surely can't advocate somebody going ahead having a baby they don't even want or feel they would struggle to cope with?? How is that best for the child?

Imo, people who choose LIFE no matter what the consequences are absolute raving loons.

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 08/01/2006 22:38

Im pro life and im not 'a raving loon' no need to get offensive over someone elses opinion, just because its not the same as yours doesnt make it any less valid.

Tanzie · 08/01/2006 22:46

Tamba, I think Nannyme only meant that those who were pro life regardless of the consequences were the raving loons, not everyone!

Blu · 08/01/2006 23:08

It's so much easier for those who have gone ahead and had a 'dilemma baby' to post than for those who have had a termination.
ginso didn't ask for views on the principle of termination per se - she is struggling with situation which must have come upon her very unexpectedly.
I have had a termination in the past, not regretted at all, and now that I have a DS, I am even more of the opinion that children need to be wanted, wanted, and then wanted a bit more. ginso seems not to be sure whether that is how she feels.
And I am not saying that those who went ahead when they hadn't planned a pregnancy now have unwanted / unanted children - but over the years, amny women HAVE felt their lives 'done for' because of being mothers to babies they hadn't planned. ginso had very good reason not to expect to become pregnant - surely women shouldn't be guilt-tripped by other people's morals into being hostages to their own biology if it isn't what they want?

But if you would, in your heart of hearts, ginso, love to have this baby, then I hope the positive experiences described here have helped. But remember that there will be many silences from women who took another route, and you wouldn't be alone, or universally judged by ALL on MN!

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/01/2006 01:49

Not guilt tripping or anything, I think it is a very personal desicion to have to make and although i do have strong views, they apply to me personally and I would never force them upon anyone else, I just didnt appreciate being called a loony for them iyswim. I wish ginzo all the best in what ever decion she makes. I think all the descussion has gone from her asking for opinions in what to do, which she has got. I am sure what ever decision she makes she will be supported by mnners

It is a very emotive subject which will envoke strong views from people, i think because she has implyed in the OP that she would be pleased to carry the pregnancy on if she was having a girl and not if she was having a boy. I am sure that this is not what ginso meant to imply but thats how it reads. Anyhow, I dont have any advice to give as I am not great or elequent enough in the giving out advice department.

All the best ginzo xxxx

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 09/01/2006 01:49

sorry should read "discussion has come"

PocketTasha · 09/01/2006 15:22

i thought it might be worth asking how you are ginso, it's been a week since you posted anything. Hope you are well. Been reading this thread but not posted till today. I hope you make the right choices for you. I too have two boys, i am truely desperate for a girl. My DS2 has just turned a year, so it's a bit early for the next one. But i know i will. And if i get another boy then i'll still be happy. We are all different. I'm guessing you have already made your choice by now. I hope you listened to your heart. It' a horrible situation, with no room for mistakes. Again, i hope you are alright. All the best.

pstump · 17/01/2009 21:12

Hi, new to this.
I discovered 40mins ago that im pregnant at the age of 37. I have 2 children 13 & 11yrs and no desire whatsoever to have anymore. I was booked in next week to have my tubes tied. We have just moved to the US after 6 very very stressful years and our life is just starting again. I dont want this at all. But Im looking at my son as I type this and feel guilty. They would love another child but I cant face it. My husband would support me in any decision I made but our life/love life/freedom will all be compromised again.. I adore my children but Im not what you would call an earth mother. The thought of facing all that again makes me feel sick. Very confused over the guilt.

missymoo2411 · 18/01/2009 17:27

its a very personnel choice but i had had 3ds and was desparate for a dd but was settling for my 3 lovely ds and that my family was finished i got rid of everything then found i was pregnant but i thought baby had being sent for a reason so 20 months later have a lovely dd and it was the best decision i made. good luck with your choice .

NewAmazingBeginning · 18/01/2009 17:31

Seems to me you are more focussed on the sex of the child than the fact you are carrying a baby.

I can understand you hadn't planned this baby but I woul dhave thought you would have considered you might have got pregnant if you didn't use contraception.

What will you do?

thebody · 18/01/2009 17:46

Ginso, I also had a shock pregnancy, my ds were 9 and 8 and I had got my life back, had no toys or equipment and we were so shocked.. I had a girl, absolutly wonderful, boys now 19 and 17 and she is 9 and its still wonderful...

thebody · 18/01/2009 17:53

Just read pstump, sorry missed last page.Feel for you and know you will make the right decision... sending love to you over the water... good luck...

southeastastra · 18/01/2009 17:54

this is a very old thread! pstump maybe if you start another your post might not get lost iykwim.

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