Views on in laws being annoyed you haven’t taken newborn round in a week and don’t want to pass the baby around

[makeupgirlie]

So everyone met the baby and held her within days of her being born. Everyone as also seen her since. As her parents at the moment we don’t want everyone holding her and passing her around. The in laws are annoyed by this and keep requesting to see her and hold her. She’s only 5 weeks old. Anyway as her mother I have had recent comments off my other half’s dad in a not very nice tone ‘I’m due a cuddle you know’ same with his sister. We have spoken to them that we would like some time to bond as a new family and that when we feel comfortable people can start holding her again. She also hasn’t had a vaccines yet and has been a little poorly recently. I’m starting to feel a lot of pressure off them and when my partner goes to his dads and the baby isn’t there he gets annoyed at him. It’s only the past week we haven’t taken the baby round…

Honestly? I've got 5 children, they were all held and cuddled by their grandparents and uncles and aunties and all our friends - they all survived it! It's normal for family members to want to hold and cuddle your new baby and welcome her into their lives - despite some of the weird opinions you might see on here! If you don't want to take the baby out, invite them to visit you! It really won't do your baby any harm to be held by their grandparents.

Hi, it’s not so much having an issue with them holding her. It’s more of the reaction we have had off them about our choices with our baby. They also get annoyed if we ask them to wash their hands before touching her.

Babies have antibodies from their mum's placentas that protect them and more if breastfeeding. Unless there are health concerns it's unlikely that a cuddle with family will do any harm.

I think that your family should suck it up more gracefully as it's not their baby and keep their irritation to themselves though.

Just tell them it’s your baby and as the parents you’ll be doing things how you like.

Many people on here don’t understand the concept of others having boundaries so you’ll get called selfish, to never ask for childcare and told that you’re using your baby as a weapon…etc

Tell your partner to stand up for you and deal with his parents.

I waited 3 weeks before introducing our 2nd child to anyone, I wanted that time to bond, get used to having a newborn and toddler, settle into a routine and honestly I’m glad I did. Yes a couple of people were annoyed but they accepted it, they ultimately didn’t have a choice on the matter, they have a lovely relationship with my children now.

Honestly? I think this trend is weird.

And it’s always the ILs. So strange that the mother's family never seem to want to hold the baby? Or is that they aren’t seen to be a problem.

Come on.. hand washing is over the top!

babies need to build up their immune system

People are different. I absolutely loved to see my babies being passed round and having cuddles and getting to know their family. Obviously they came back to me if they (or I) needed it.

Partners dad doesn’t even wash his hands after going to the toilet so I don’t really think asking to wash hands before holding a new born is over the top…

You made your normal, non abusive parents wait 3 weeks to meet your healthy baby? That is, frankly, just bizarre.

My family completely understand. And always ask before anything. Have never once got annoyed at us for not going round in a few days…
don’t get what this ‘trend’ is you talk about. As I said everyone has met/held the baby etc. it’s the past week there seems to be a problem after we just want some time to bond as a new family.

Your being ridiculous

At what age do you feel it will be ok for your in laws to touch your baby? When you or your boyfriend need a babysitter?

I would absolutely respect my daughter in law's wishes and stay away or not hold her baby but I think it's bizarre to say the least. This is your first baby together isn't it.

Your baby, your rules. I get sick to death of entitled family members, friends, acquaintances, etc, who think they have a right to play pass the fucking parcel with your newborn baby. I don't give a stuff that all the babies in the family are normally passed around for cuddles and snuggles as soon as they're born. People have a right to NOT want this for their baby, and to want to keep them shielded for a few weeks, with limited contact with people.

About 7 months ago, I went to give a little gift and card to a neighbour's new baby (12 days old at the time,) and granny was there and took the gift and card and picked the baby out of his bassinet and shoved him in my arms. I never asked to hold him, and I didn't want to hold him, yet there I was, standing there with a 12 pound baby in my arms, not really knowing what to do with him ... I held him for about 2 minutes then put him back in his bassinet. Granny looked confused because I clearly wasn't fussed about holding him.

@makeupgirlie Some people can be really weird and funny about this, and think every man and his wife and kids and extended family and all the neighbours should get to see you and hold your baby as soon as the umbilical cord has been snipped! Ignore them. As I said, your baby, your rules. YOU decide when people see your new baby. Not them. If they don't like it, tough titties.

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it’s the past week there seems to be a problem after we just want some time to bond as a new family.

How does seeing your DH’s parents stop you bonding as a family? Particularly when DH has seen his parents, and for whatever reason you made the deliberate choice for the baby to not go.
It all sounds a bit weird, if a mum stays behind because she’s exhausted and the baby is happy and she wants to rest it’s absolutely normal, but it sounds like you have a controlling reason for the baby to not have gone when DH visited his parents.

Everyone has met and held the baby not just once…We over the past week just decided to have time as a family and as the baby had been a bit poorly decided on not passing her around and ferrying her in and out of the car. Because of this they have got annoyed. It is expected of us to take her to his dad’s house multiple times a week.

Many people on here don’t understand the concept of others having really strange boundaries.

There. Fixed it for you @Hycosaneyedrops

The boundaries are for the parents not the child. Unless the child is immunocompromised or the adult has a significantly contagious disease, the baby is safe being held by anybody.

This is such a weird trend that i never see IRL, only on MN, where mothers insist that no extended family can touch the baby. It's just ridiculous.

Edit: having read your update @makeupgirlie that makes sense not ferrying baby around. I'm with you on that. I wrongly assumed no one was allowed to touch the baby at all. My apologies.

Thank you 🙏🏼

Babies are vulnerable due to their immune systems not being developed yet. Handwashing is normal practice.

https://www.gloshospitals.nhs.uk/our-services/services-we-offer/maternity/after-your-baby-is-born/keeping-your-baby-safe-think-hands-and-no-kisses-thanks/

😘You're welcome. xx

5 weeks old? Honestly I wanted my baby to be happy with my wider family and if baby is happy being held by others then I see that as a major positive. If I hadn’t let my mum hold my daughter by the time she was 5 weeks old she would have been devastated. I don’t think ‘I’m due a cuddle’ is a particularly nasty thing to say

I find it absurd. Be thankful your parents and in-laws are alive and make the most of having them around. My 3 DCs only ever had 1 grandparent and he was free to cuddle them whenever he wanted.

I know we probably all have/had PFB syndrome but this is madness to me.

As I have now said multiple times. Everyone has seen and held the baby. Not just once. Just the past week we haven’t taken the baby to my partners dads house as they expect to see her multiple times a week they are annoyed by this. Even rolling eyes on a number of occasions when asked not to wake the baby by touching and prodding her when it has taken us a long time to settle and get to sleep.

You are being precious and a bit ott. However, it’s your baby and your rules. If they are important to you, then stick to them and don’t give a shit, lol. Setting boundaries is never a bad idea I reckon, at least then everyone knows the score even if they don’t agree with it.

Please read the comments and original post. Everyone has seen and held the baby. Not just once. It’s just the past week we haven’t taken the baby round.