Views on in laws being annoyed you haven’t taken newborn round in a week and don’t want to pass the baby around

[makeupgirlie]

So everyone met the baby and held her within days of her being born. Everyone as also seen her since. As her parents at the moment we don’t want everyone holding her and passing her around. The in laws are annoyed by this and keep requesting to see her and hold her. She’s only 5 weeks old. Anyway as her mother I have had recent comments off my other half’s dad in a not very nice tone ‘I’m due a cuddle you know’ same with his sister. We have spoken to them that we would like some time to bond as a new family and that when we feel comfortable people can start holding her again. She also hasn’t had a vaccines yet and has been a little poorly recently. I’m starting to feel a lot of pressure off them and when my partner goes to his dads and the baby isn’t there he gets annoyed at him. It’s only the past week we haven’t taken the baby round…

Your baby, your rules.

Good for you for sticking to your guns, I was much less able to set boundaries with my extended family and my babies and it has led to me feeling a lot of resentment and grief which has never really been addressed because I didn’t speak up at the time. I felt very disempowered at a vulnerable time and regret not handling these things more assertively.

i hope your little one feels better soon.

Is it your first baby?

Grandparents like seeing and holding their grandchildren. That has been the case since forever.
Get over yourself and unclench

What is this bonding nonsense that gets trooped out on MN. My 21 year old was passed from pillar to post hours after he was born, then the months after. Remarkably he never combust into flames or lack any bond with us his parents 🤷🏼‍♀️
Interestingly it’s ALWAYS the in-laws

My sister let me hold her newborn for ages on the sofa when I visited and at any age if she was content. I would hand her straight back if unsettled, etc. She's now a perfectly healthy child and no ill effect has come of it.

It's a bizarre new phenomenon that parents don't want even their own family touching the baby.

You do you though.

I think you doing well, and I admire you for standing your ground. You and your little family don't exist to entertain others every wish. Don't be made to feel bad for not going along with what they want. Set your own agenda. Your baby, your routines, your responsibility. Let them be annoyed, they'll have to get over themselves.

If you're going to be rude the least you can do is read the OP's posts.
They have all seen and cuddled the baby, multiple times over the last month. It's just this last week OP has wanted to stay home with a poorly baby and her entitled in laws want daily visits!
They are being totally unreasonable getting the hump OP, you are not.

My kids were solidly pre covid, and I was very particular about certain hygiene options in relation to the behavior of extended family.

No kissing my babies - I also asked everyone if they ever had a cold sore ever etc. When you explain why people get it.

Wash hands.
Don't put my kid down on the floor on a rug (mil used to do this - a floor rug that was like 10 yrs old and not one you can wash easily). Yes, I would pop her on the grass at my dads if outside, but that's not had feet traipsing through dog crap pathways then over it.
No buying stuff from charity shop/shop and immediately putting it on baby.
Don't let strangers touch my kid.
Don't share cups, straws, cutlery with my kid (re coldsores again), and especially not if your a smoker.
No touching my kid if you have been smoking in those clothes that day - and even if you get changed, not cuddling her for a few hours after - MIL again, but her DAD also got this treatment so he eventually stopped smoking.

I may have sounded batshit. And once she could toddle she was off around the garden, and I've pics of her literally fingers deep in the coat of her Shetland whilst eating a sandwich.

Yes, and hopefully, they'll be told no when they want free childcare from family.

If it's creating drama ignore. Don't encourage the bad behaviour. Home yourself up, rest, feed and if they want to come and visit for short periods that's fine as long as they let you know in advance and make themselves useful while they're visiting eg do the washing up etc.

😂😂😂yeah, let those babies out to lick the ground as soon as they arrive....ffs

Um sad tbh let the love be shared nothing better if you have a good supportive family on both sides...never felt the need to go to any extent and we have 9 wonderful children all adored by everyone and have fun with everyone. Nothing better than one will say I'm off to uncle,aunty or grandparent for tea or to go show some school project. They are all returned by supper time haha

You've had the predictable hard time on here OP - it's a shame.

You're quite right to hold firm - the first few weeks with a new baby are just mayhem, and grandparents should know this (unless they're stupid). Now that they've had their cuddles it's time to back off a bit and give you your space. Once or twice a week is fine, more if you (and only you) want - and they can come to you at an agreed time, it's not for you to go to them when they dictate.

The FIL doesn't wash his hands after going to the loo. I would definitely be asking/ telling/reminding him to wash them before touching the baby.

Babies are not dolls to be passed about like parcels. Tell them that if they don't toe the line ahd respect your wishes you will severely restrict their ability to see their grandchild at all. That should concentrate their attention wonderfully.