Views on in laws being annoyed you haven’t taken newborn round in a week and don’t want to pass the baby around

[makeupgirlie]

So everyone met the baby and held her within days of her being born. Everyone as also seen her since. As her parents at the moment we don’t want everyone holding her and passing her around. The in laws are annoyed by this and keep requesting to see her and hold her. She’s only 5 weeks old. Anyway as her mother I have had recent comments off my other half’s dad in a not very nice tone ‘I’m due a cuddle you know’ same with his sister. We have spoken to them that we would like some time to bond as a new family and that when we feel comfortable people can start holding her again. She also hasn’t had a vaccines yet and has been a little poorly recently. I’m starting to feel a lot of pressure off them and when my partner goes to his dads and the baby isn’t there he gets annoyed at him. It’s only the past week we haven’t taken the baby round…

We had a January baby so noone cuddled him or passed him round for a couple of months until we were ready. Your baby, your rules. People just think of themselves!

This is inaccurate and outdated.

I don't think it's at all over-the-top.

I always wash my hands when I get home from shopping/commuting etc, and after doing any dirty household tasks.

Of course it's common sense to wash them before handling a very young baby.

Like fuck would I be delivering my newborn to their doorstep multiple times a week.

If you want to see a baby, you go to the baby. Never mind a week, I'd stop visiting permanently if those are their expectations.

Hold firm op you're doing the right thing. Best thing for baby is chilled out unstressed parents.

If I ever become a grandparent I will be absolutely happy to wait and prioritise my grown child their partner and their baby. Its whatever they need. I really don't understand this entitlement 🤷🏼‍♀️

Some of the comments on here are ridiculous and I imagine they will make lovely in-laws! NOT! Seriously though your baby your rules and your FIL sounds exhausting! You are still healing and with a slightly poorly baby that makes it harder so take your time and tell everyone to chill the baby isn’t disappearing if they don’t see her for a week! I only see people as often as I used to before I had kids I am busier now and I definitely learned my recovery took longer than I expected both times despite being healthy and active. Enjoy your baby and I hope your family take a chill pill!

How will other people cuddling the baby over a period of, say, 2 hours per day stop you and the dad “bonding” with the baby? What is this “bonding” thing? I only ever hear about it on here. It makes the baby+parent unit sounds like cement that needs to set. What are you both actually doing to/with your baby to ensure this “bonding” happens?

@canklesmctacotits What an odd post. You have seriously never heard of 'bonding' outside of Mumsnet?

And never heard of people 'bonding' with their baby?

Extraordinary.

I have never known someone, ever, who has never heard of bonding outside of Mumsnet!.

.

OP you are not being unreasonable regarding hand washing. I am always washing my hands (not compulsivly or problematic) and the hands of my youngest child, because last year I caught e-coli from an unidentified origin and believe me you do not want to run the risk of catching anything like that.
I am half my original body weight, have no hair, teeth falling out monthly and kidney disfunction.
Don't ever underestimate the danger of these germs.
A resounding YA certainly NBU

Stop bring so weird , shes not sucking grandads fingers snd even if she was so what

relax let everyone have a cuddle

Um, ok? I still don’t know what it means! Seeing as you don’t know anyone who doesn’t know what it means, maybe you can explain it to me?

Exactly this. They probably don’t have any germs though as they are perfect

It sounds like baby has seen family for the first 4 weeks of their life

So if your DIL and DS said they’re not fetching the baby round this week cos they’ve been poorly you’d straight away think about all the childcare you won’t do? Pathetic

Im not surprised!

@makeupgirlie I think your first post didn’t make it very clear that it’s only the last week that you haven’t been visiting with the baby. Most people only read the first post, you would have had different responses if you had stated that more clearly. But you’re 5 week PP so not being 100% clear is allowed.

Illness and handwashing aside, I can’t believe they aren’t coming to see you. Once DC is better get a boundary in place over them visiting you on your terms at least some of the time. It should be a two way street, and not always both directions at the same time.

You don’t need to justify it OP, you don’t have to pass your baby round if you don’t want to. I really didn’t with my first, hated anyone holding him but my in-laws were so understanding, didn’t pressure me (I would let them have a quick hold each time we saw them but we only saw them once a month maybe twice sometimes and would whisk him back after 5 mins and then keep him the rest of the time!). They respected how I felt, and now he’s older he has a lovely relationship with them, and with my second I’m much more comfortable for her to be held by them as much as they want/she’s happy but if they had pressured me at the beginning I would always have remembered it and resented them.

Confusing post. You said everyone's met her and had cuddles? So why didn't you say this to FIL? Say you appreciate family is so important and you're not following the weird trend of not welcoming family immediately, despite postnatal wards meaning lots of strangers are next to your baby.
Ask him what he's on about if he's done this so much already.
Unless you mean you've welcomed your blood family and not your baby's paternal grandparents? If so, FIL has every right to be upset. If my partner only let their blood family see the baby and didn't welcome mine, I'd be divorcing.

You’re being a bit precious I think, unless they’re suffering from an infectious disease I can’t see what harm a few cuddles will do

It's very weird. And pretty recent. I blame social media. Again.

I wouldn't keep bringing the baby to their house multiple times a week when they can't be bothered to come to you. You need to do what suits you when caring for a baby and I would also suggest prioritising anything that helps you like baby classes and groups.

Also if we're going to play the "if you don't give them what they want then they won't help with the baby as they get older" card then I'd question how much help you're even going to get from people unwilling to travel to you.

If you have seen family members on both sides fairly consistently for the past five weeks it’s completely understandable you want a bit of time off! Also they should absolutely come to you, I can’t believe your expected to do regular visits to their house.
id just say “baby is not 100% so going too rest up for a few days your welcome to pop in if you get chance.” Then leave it at that.

As they have all seen and cuddled her already then you are not unreasonable. You need to manage expectations though. A message on the family WhatsApp group or a phone call to say ‘baby is a bit sniffly just now so we are having a quiet couple of weeks at home just us and her.

Wait a sec. You aren’t even married to the dad? They are not your in laws.

I didn’t mind people holding my baby. She didn’t get unwell from that kind of contact however when she got older, 10 months I think, she caught everything at nursery! Totally understandable wanting to protect your baby - it’s your job to do it - but you can’t do it forever. Just apply some common sense.

I am a MIL and a grandmother, and when my lovely DIL gave birth, it didn’t even occur to me to start making demands about when I got cuddles or how many I got. Dh and I simply followed the lead of our son and DIL.