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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Anyone take their mum in as well as their husband?

86 replies

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:20

I am thinking of having my mother in the delivery with me and was wondering if other people did this and how they felt about it. I am wondering if I will feel additional anxiety as my mum has not seen my 'down there' since I was a little girl. Of course I know I wont give a damn when in active Labour but just wondering other peoples thoughts and experiences with this before I make a decision. Just to add I am very close to my mum. Thanks.

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BikeRunSki · 09/10/2010 19:21

A friend of mine did. ~Can;t think of anything worse myself. I am also close to my mum, but my baby was about me and DH.

bigchris · 09/10/2010 19:22

I don't think I'll want to see my dd in that amount of pain
has your mum asked to be in there? And how does your partner feel about having her there ?

preghead · 09/10/2010 19:22

I did the first time and I have to say I regret it and wouldn't do it again. She really got on my nerves and, I felt, let me down and our relationship was never quite the same again. She found it very traumatic too.

TotorosOcarina · 09/10/2010 19:22

My mum has been at all my births and she was at my sisters.

She will be at this birth too.

Once you are in labour you wont care WHO is looking at your bits (MIL and SIL came in whilst I ahd my legs in stirrups getting stitches done and I didn't even bother!!)

Enjoy your mum being there if she will give you encouragement and support!

Miasma · 09/10/2010 19:23

I did for DD. My Mum was great, much more supportive than DH. If i had another vaginal birth I dont think i'd even bother having DH there, just my Mum.

You wont give a monkeys who see's your bits and you mums seen it all hundreds of times before anyway.

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:25

My DH is fine with it but I have to prepare as she lives in a different city and doesnt drive so its going to be awkward as she will have to come and stay with us at least two weeks before (but then I will be glad of the company while DH is in work all day and I am on mat leave). Yes I am her eldest daughter and so she has never been to another birth other than her own babies being born. She is easy going and I can imagine she wont get in the way.

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Lulumaam · 09/10/2010 19:25

I did. However, I am exceptionally close to my mum, we have a fantastic relationship, never argue, no cross words and are quite similar. She is exceedinly calm and level headed. I knew she would be supportive and helpful. I have doulaed at labours where there is a less than helpful/confident mum with the daughter, it is not idea. if you are worried about your mum coping , it's a bad idea.

if she is going to flap and panic and tell you to have an epidural as she can't cope, then it's a bad idea

does your mum want to be there?

my mum was also at my sister's two births and was brilliant with her too

ItWasADarkAndStormyNight · 09/10/2010 19:26

My mum was at mine, through labour then the emcs, much more help then ds's dad!

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:27

She hasnt asked to be there but I am kind of assuming she wants to be as she has hinted at that. What were your husbands/partners like. Did antenatal classes come in handy for them?

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Miasma · 09/10/2010 19:30

My H was completly shit at both of my births ( 1 vaginal and 1 emcs) He could have been too anti natal classes every day for 5 years and he still would have been crap at it.

I have friends with husbands who have been wonderful though.. lucky mares

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:32

lol..miasma what made him shit? Was it just a general not knowing what to do?

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Miasma · 09/10/2010 19:35

Both of my borths were high risk affairs so I think his brain just froze and he didn't really know what he was supposed to be doing.

He was green too.

Good job I love him really!

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:39

awww. I imagine the whole thing can be pretty scary to watch for OH's. I showed my DH a birth video on you tube and he said 'is that the head then'..I said, 'right love I think you are going to have to watch a couple more of these before the big day'. I wonder if they show a birth video in the antenatal class?

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Miasma · 09/10/2010 19:42

They did in ours but it was a really calm serene water birth so didn't do much to prepare us for the reality of it.

I love watching birth videos. Have you come across the one that is actually a spanish bed advert ?

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:47

No I havent seen that one haha! Some are really awful and some make it look quite easy. I kind of think watching them prepares you but I am not sure its the best idea as when I have seen a bad one I freak out a bit. It is rare you see a nice 'easy' birth that is a first timer. The easy on the eye ones are women on baby number 3 or 4 who are well content in a pool in their home. I watched one with the woman on her own just her and hubby and hubby had some net thing and was standing at the side fishing bits of blood etc out and just saying 'go on you can do it' every now and then..the whole thing was so calm and just like she was doing some everyday chore!

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sungirltan · 09/10/2010 19:48

i took mum and dh. it was fine - i was relieved she was there. the only downside is that if you end up in theatre like i did they only let you take one person.

i am only child though and glad my mum didnt have to wait on tenterhooks to see her first dgc!

ivykaty44 · 09/10/2010 19:48

I was on my own with dd2 and asked my dad, as he is calm and level headed and I knew if I had a section he would be great with me as it was I had a vbac, he was fab and supported me very well, if I had asked for the moon that night he would have layed it there on a plate without fuss.

Pick people you knwo will be there for you and are sure to hold it together and support you

Faaamily · 09/10/2010 19:49

I was going to with my first child, but ended up having an emergency section and was only allowed one person in the theatre with me.

I think if you are very close and she is supportive of your wishes, it's a loely idea. How does your DP feel about it? My DH was quite happy about the idea, seeing as he was terrified first time around, and needed a bit of hand holding

Miasma · 09/10/2010 19:51

My first bith was easy, 4 hours fron start to finish, no tears, nothing. The high risk bit was that my DD was prem. If she'd been term it would have been wonderful.

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:52

ivykaty44 that is so lovely you took your dad you must be closer after that. There is no way my dad would want to be there, he gets all funny if you mention periods in his presence!

sungirltan =I hadnt thought of that about a section. I will make sure that I explain that to her then so she is not too disappointed if that happens. Do they let your mum in straight after then?

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5inthebed · 09/10/2010 19:55

I did for my first birth as I was terrified. She ony turned up after I had been in labour for 25 hours though as I cried to DH that I needed her. She was there until I ot wheeled off into theatre for an emergency section, and gad she was as she was also there for DH, who at that point was panicking.

I was there with my mam when my sister gave birth, and we both watched my neice being born, was truely amazing.

TinyPawz · 09/10/2010 19:56

My mum was in with me. DH (now ex) was with his whore in the waiting room.

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:56

miasma Just watched that link..wow! I wonder how much that bed company paid her for that footage? Fab!

Four hours fist birth..god I would take that now if I could! What did you have for pain relief?

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QueenGigantaurofMnet · 09/10/2010 19:57

my mum was there for both of mine.

For DS we had my mum, his mum and xp!

Original poster

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 20:00

5inthebed I can imagine if my mum wasnt there I would cry for her..I dunno sometimes you just need your mum I think, especially if it is something they have been through and so can relate in a way a husband wouldnt be able to.

tinypawz I cant believe he brought his mistress, did you know she would be coming along?

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