Anyone take their mum in as well as their husband?

[lennon80]

I am thinking of having my mother in the delivery with me and was wondering if other people did this and how they felt about it. I am wondering if I will feel additional anxiety as my mum has not seen my 'down there' since I was a little girl. Of course I know I wont give a damn when in active Labour but just wondering other peoples thoughts and experiences with this before I make a decision. Just to add I am very close to my mum. Thanks.

[BigOfNorks]

Hi I had my mum in on ds she was brilliant and dp was useless. My mum is a right headless chicken normally but she came in and dp was ready to lie down and let the MWS walk all over me it was my mum who said no.

[lennon80]

bigofnorks what were the midwives doing? I am a bit worried about feeling dis empowered during the birth as my mother and DH are quite submissive really and it would be me who would be advocating as a rule.

[pastagirl]

i had both my mum and DH there. was great to have mum there. I was lucky to have a great water birth which also meant all the 'bits' where underwater, so although i was naked ( did not want any clothes on when push came to shove)i never really felt it. just really relaxed and i think that is pretty key in a normal birth.
but i did talk with mum about what i wanted before, ie that i was worried that she would take over from DH (not said in those terms) and said i just wanted her as kind of back-up. she was in charge of all the bags and drinks and making sure DH was OK and not panicking. By the time I went into labour she was great, drove us to the beach where a walk 2nd stage felt so so good, before heading to the hosp. she was the one who made sure bags where in the car and that DH got some dinner and i don't think we would have done that if it was just DH and me. meant she had a pretty key role but also left DH and i just to focus on the physical which reduced heaps of stress for me and DH i think.She was there but just supportive because she was clear on her role going in.

[lennon80]

pastagirl sounds like your mum was really useful on a practical level. to be honest it will be my DH who is the practical support I think and my mum is more emotional. DH is a bit of a 'get over it you will be fine type, it cant be that bad if you can walk' and its the one thing I cant stand especially when in pain. :-)

[rokersmum]

I had both my mum and DH at the birth of DS1 and found my mum invaluable. She was able to just know what I needed and do it rather than DH who was also great but asked a lot of questions ... sometimes you are really not in the mood for questions. She did try and tell me I had had enough gas and air at one point though and I told her in no uncertain terms where to go. I guess as long as your DH feels comfortable and you have a relationship with her that would mean you could ask her to leave if it was not working. I also ended up with a ECS so she couldn't come into theatre for the moment of arrival but she was able to help me with getting DS1 to latch on in the recovery ward.

[domeafavour]

I had my mum, my dad, and my sister as well as DH!!!!

Well just H was there for the last bit, but the rest of them kept popping in and waiting in the waiting area!

[NeedToSleepZZZ]

I'm planning to have OH, my mum and my best friend with me (home birth). I'm really close to my mum and as OH is really a bit squeamish I'm making a list of things for him to do, like making sure everyone has tea/ coffee/ snacks etc and running the bath. He doesn't want to cut the cord either so I asked my mum if she'd like to as it's her first gc and she cried. It's a personal thing but for me I only really want women that have done it themselves to be there as they understand and, hopefully, won't get too scared as they know about the pain.

My best friend had to have 2 emcs and I know it will mean a lot to her to be with me.

Fingers crossed all this happens!

[JuicyLips]

With my first I just had Dh which was nice, but for the second I had Dh, Mum and my Mil with me, that was great as everyone was helping in different ways. It was just by coincidence that visiting time was just beginning as DD wanted to make her arrival but it was lovely, and wasnt embarrassed in the slightest, I mean there are hundreds of others (Mw's, nurses, DR's) staring at your bits, whats a few more? Seriously though I found it a very good experience.

[MoonUnitAlpha]

I decided not to have my mum there as she had had very difficult, stressful labours herself that ended in csections. It was important to me to go into labour expecting it to go well and believing in my body's ability, and be assisted by midwives with experience of normal, straight forward births. I think my mum would have been too anxious for me.

[FessaEst]

I had my Mum and Dh at DDs birth. It was great, she was a real support to me and DH and another pair of hands to fetch and carry etc. I agree with PP who said they find it difficult if you don't want touching - I didn't. It was so fab to have a bath after having DD with Mum sat on the loo (lid down!!) holding DD whild DH readied our bedroom and some post-birth pasta. I think it totally depends on the relationships between you and you DM, and your DH and your DM. Good luck.

[EmmaCate]

I had my mum in with me and it was great. I completely second Lulumaam though; my mum is very laid back and any mother prone to panic or neuroses would be a nightmare to have with you. My mum did give some feedback but it tended to be very down to earth, e.g. "Get back to the bed now" when I was doubled up with a pushing contraction on the way back from taking a quick wee.

My DH didn't mind but I think his feelings would be very important to consider.

On looking at my bits she sort of got drawn in, but she did say quickly - "Do you mind if I look? It's really fascinating!" and actually having her describe the wonder afterwards (supported by DH) made the whole thing more fulfilling.

Good luck chick anyway with whatever you do.

[lennon80]

Some lovely stories there and clearly some lovely mother and daughter relationships. I do hope if I ever have a DD (this one is a boy) she would want me at my grandchild's birth.

[SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass]

I think the most important thing is you have people with you who you know are going to be helpful and who want to be there. If you have a partner who is phobic about blood/hospitals etc, it's not a good idea to force him to come. Because the last thing you want, when in labour, is someone whose feelings you have to consider all the time (is he all right, does he feel sick, etc). Only thing worse is someone who has a track record of bullying and undermining you whether that's partner or mum.

[mrshuggybear]

I had a v traumatic labour, a very long back to back. My mum arrived and expected me to have had my baby, no chance, was another 8 hours and she drove 3 and a half hours to get there, I'd been in labour for days and was 6 cms when admitted...it was another 15 hours after that.

I hadn't planned to be there, she just arrived expecting my lo to be here, helped dh and I, rubbed my back, brought food for us both etc and didn't leave, I never thought of asking her to. I was just concentrating on getting through contractions and I later had pethadine so was out of it for a bit, it had started to wear off by the pushing stage. I had both dh and my mum holding my hands which was great. There were pros and cons, dh was exhausted and it was great she could be that extra support for him and me, afterwards I lost a lot of blood and she was there to reassure him when the room was packed full of people due to the blood loss and he was panicking, she also helped him with Scarlet as due to the blood loss I don't remember that much after having her placed on my chest and giving her a bit of milk. That was when the blood loss happened and Scarlet had to go straight to dh.

However we didn't get the birth we wanted which especially upset dh, he wanted it to be just him and me...I can understand that but then the birth was nothing like I expected or hoped for. I would have liked to remember more. My mum was a fantastic help.

xxx

[moirasings]

My Mum is a nurse and tough as old boots and I had planned to have her at DS's birth as the father was a useless S@@t who had left me when I was 6 months preggers.... but it was a tough birth and she couldn't stand seeing me in so much pain - she was white and shaking and the midwife had to ask her to leave the room! So you never really know - she's the last person in the world that I would have thought would crumble!

[lennon80]

God really..I hope my mum can handle it. That sounds awful for you and your mum, just shows though you can never know how people will react in any situation till you put them in it.

[BrainMash]

My mum was with me for my eldest and she was fantastic More use than my DH actually

[lennon80]

mrshuggybear your birth experience sounds really traumatic but it was great your mum could be there for you and DH. I am worried about having pethadine as I dont want to be 'out of it' too much but then if the pain gets too much I will probably be screaming for everything.

[littleoldme]

I had my mum and Dh there when Ds was born and I'm really glad I did. I had a very long and painful pre labour; them both being with me meant that one of them could go and get some rest and one could help me.

I think it depends entirely on the sort of relationship you have.

[LittlebearH]

My mum was there with DP but she came in a bit later (was a 49hr long haul) with food and drink for DP.

Although she hated seeing me in pain she and I were glad she was there. DP didnt mind.

It gave him a chance to have a 15 min little break to update other family and friends without feeling guilty for leaving me.

[mummc2]

I had mum and DH too for both my deliveries. My DH is squemish(?) and wasnt sure how much practical help he would be so when i was about 5/6 mths i asked him if he would be bothered if my mum came in for support and he was really glad said she'll be more use than me. I mean im not saying men are useless mine was fantastic during both long births but more emotionally and as my mum had been through it 3 times herself she was more objective and tougher on me when i needed it especially when baby 1 got stuck i was panicking and mum was brilliant. And as hubby is urrgghh about blood my mum got to cut the umbilical cord both times which she said was really special.

[SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass]

I think it's good (if hospital allows it and AFAIK most do) to have two people with you so that, if you have a long labour, one can go and get coffee or indeed have a little nap if necessary. However, they need to get on with each other as well as you, having people point-scoring over your heaving contracting body is Not Good.
I was lucky - I had already asked K if she would come with me and she'd agreed, I mentioned this to Mum who went, oh I suppose you won't want your old mum and I was very quick to say, yes I would love you to be there, thought it might be too much for you. SO the next thing I did was take both Mum and K to the 20-week scan, as much so they could both meet each other as anything. Luckily they hit it off and were great on the Big Day.

[MrsC2010]

God, I can't imagine anything worse than having my mother there. Love her dearly, but no thanks, I like my boundaries!

[all4u]

As always with us humans - no easy answer - it all depends! I did but my Mum was a nurse and health visitor and I wanted her expertise on hand (Head end) as she knoew the system. DH was also there (business end) as he is a livestock farmer and knows all about birth and is really cool! Did I need them - yes as the first time I got the worst midwife of all who failed to identify how advanced I was. I was in cloud cuckoo land and just totally 'switched' off as my brain was all 'on task'. I wasn't worried as my 'team' were on it and I could get on with the big job. You will be at a distinct disadvasntage making decisions and getting your point across believe me!
So I suggest that you talk to them - Mum, DH, sister friend; be flexible but, I would suggest, do not lose sight of the most important thing of all - a healthy newborn and, second but also important, a Mum who feels loved and supported at the start of an amazing journey in life