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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Anyone take their mum in as well as their husband?

86 replies

lennon80 · 09/10/2010 19:20

I am thinking of having my mother in the delivery with me and was wondering if other people did this and how they felt about it. I am wondering if I will feel additional anxiety as my mum has not seen my 'down there' since I was a little girl. Of course I know I wont give a damn when in active Labour but just wondering other peoples thoughts and experiences with this before I make a decision. Just to add I am very close to my mum. Thanks.

OP posts:

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Miasma · 09/10/2010 20:04

Lol @ "his mattress" ! :D

I had G&A and meptid and I wouldnt have needed that if i'd have been alowed to move around.

First births aren't always hideous :)

MumInBeds · 09/10/2010 20:06

I had my mum in for all of mine, two with DH and three surrogate.

Dh is phobic of hospitals so she was there to take the pressure off him with our children and to let him off being there with the surrobabies.

With our first my mum was in with us and my dad waited in the hospital lobby - bless his soul it was a long wait, ds took 54 hours.

sarahbuff · 09/10/2010 21:00

My Mom (Mum, hehe) was staying with us for my first DC (she lives in the US, so big trip to be there) and I was more than happy to have her there in the room with me and DH. She was lovely because she just hung around and was helpful if I needed anything (glass of water, etc) and DH could worry about being emotionally supportive. She enjoyed it because although she'd given birth to four children, it's very different to watch someone else do it, and she'd never been at anyone else's labour/birth. The only slightly bit was afterward when I was showering myself off in the tub with baby in the cot, mother and DH watching me, totally naked bleeding everywhere and belly hanging over my bits (my uterus disappeared back into my pelvis in a matter of minutes after DC1!)... Must say, after giving birth I am a FAR less self-conscious person, in a good way. :) But for me, I loved having my Mum there and would have had her there for all my babies if she could have come over. This time (due with DC4 in 4 weeks) my sister is coming to stay, and I'm planning a homebirth so she'll very likely be about for the birth. I'm looking forward to it!

ooosabeauta · 09/10/2010 21:03

I had my mum there at mine last week as I was being induced and she was meant to be taking over while dh went home to do ds's dinner, bath and bed, but expecting that I'd only be in latent labour or waiting for a second dose of prostin. As it was, she arrived and waited outside, hearing the actual delivery, which wasn't the plan, but she was very chuffed by.

The only thing I'd say is that if you do decide to have your mum, make sure that it is passed with your hospital - mine would only let one birth partner in the delivery room and they had a real 'bulldog' keeping mum out. My midwife said you have to write to the hospital in advance if you want an extra person at our hospital.

Nellykats · 09/10/2010 21:38

My mum was there, but I asked her to leave the room in the pushing stage as I preferred only me and DH to greet our boy. Part of the reason was that I felt a bit self conscious about her seeing me in action (!) but it was wonderful after DS was born and she got back in the room and held him for the first time.

AlgebraKnocksItUpANotchBAM · 09/10/2010 21:50

if you want her there and she wants to be there then do it. my mum was there with my first, it was great :) really brought us together and helped her bond with DD. she was helping me while DH was at the business end. and I loved her even more as she was feeding me digestive biscuits!

she wasn't there with DS and I did miss her but I felt more able to cope IYSWIM

mrshedgie · 10/10/2010 09:16

My Mum was with me for all my births, all four, and, if she gets over the shock of another baby on the way, she'll be there for this birth probably. She was very supportive and quiet, really did what I asked of her, rubbing my back, cool flannel on my head, water to drink, encouraging. She didn't flap or get cross, or lecture me...she did want to be there too.

She was more support than my poor husband, who just can't seem to cope with the second stage of labour, when I needed someone the most...that was my Mum.

gateacre1 · 10/10/2010 17:12

I took my mum with me for dd1's birth it was a good job, OH was useless my mum arrived and kicked up a fuss they had left me on the ward induced and unchecked I was 8 cms when she arrived and baby was in distress
it it hadnt been for her running around hte ward looking for midwives not sure what would have happended!

Original poster

lennon80 · 10/10/2010 18:57

Gosh..it certainly seems mums are better placed than men to be birth partners. I am decided. I think I will certainly take my mother with me.

OP posts:

BunnyBaby · 11/10/2010 11:39

My Mum ended up there by coincidence. She was there to help DH as it was a really long induction.

Poor DH panicked seeing me wired up to everything. Mum just kept reassuring me that I was doing great and could do it.

Funnily I wouldn't believe anything anyone told me apart from her.

When I was pushing DS1 out, the supervisor of midwives agreed that she could stay in the room along with DH as she was clearly a huge support to me.

I am sure I would have ended up with Caesarean or Forceps / Ventuose without her.

Amazingly this is a lady who faints when given an injection at the doctors, so you can understand how well she did.

She will also be there for this one all being well, as she is a teacher, so hopefully should be on Christmas holidays.

I couldn't bear anyone to touch me when I was in labour which Mum and DH found tough. But if you love and trust your Mum, have her there.

My Mum has always been the 'you can do it' type but not in a pushy way.

All the best! :)

emmyloo2 · 11/10/2010 14:25

I am thinking of taking my Mum in if she is here. She is due to arrive 4 days after due date. My DH will be amazing though but there is no body like your Mum to put wet flannels on your head and get you drinks of water when you aren't feeling well.....

Original poster

lennon80 · 11/10/2010 20:51

Thanks bunnybaby see I am a bit worried about shouting at my mum or saying 'get off' or something and I have heard people can go a bit crazy during the transitional stage of labour and I dont want to be a bitch and upset her (obviously I dont mind screaming at DH as he is used to it and can handle that). I may give her a prep talk before hand.

emmyloo2 sometimes as helpful as DH can be..you just know your mum would be better placed for such a role..I cant imagine doing it without her there to be honest.

OP posts:

buttonmoon78 · 11/10/2010 22:30

I'm sure your mum might well remember that stage herself Lennon!

I would never ever have my mum in with me (I suppose if DH wasn't around for any reason I would consider it. I think birth is a v private thing TBH and I have never wanted anyone except DH and medical professionals, obv.

DH would hate it too.

DH was amazingly calm throughout all 3 labours and I trust him implicitly when we have managed to conceive #4 to do the same again.

Original poster

lennon80 · 12/10/2010 11:02

buttonmoon78 I know I would like to think she may remember it herself but I have heard from my father that she was very calm giving birth to all three of us and didnt scream or shout at all just cried quietly. I am not the same kind of person and she has already commented that I do not swear or shout when in Labour.

I feel it is a private thing but I do have a close relationship with her but I am wondering if in spite of this I may feel a bit odd with her seeing me at my most vulnerable.

OP posts:

DooinMeSizers · 12/10/2010 11:06

My mum has seen all of her grandchildren born. She will be at my sisters next CS too.

She was far more supportive than DH (who kept buggering off to the loo) with dd2.

SolidGoldBrass · 12/10/2010 11:12

I had my mum and my mate K with me, both were brilliant - K was all sympathy, Mum was more 'Now come on, pull yourself together' but it worked as a balance IYKWIM.
DS' dad and I were not on good terms then, so he didn't come along. (He's a great, involved dad now).

mungogerry · 12/10/2010 12:15

Hi,

my mum was there with dh for all 3 of my water births. She was v quiet, dh was my birth partner, but was reassuring to have her there, and she filmed the births for us.

The last 2 births she looked after my other children who were also at the birth.

ClimberChick · 13/10/2010 05:36

I initially wanted to as I knew I could be honest with her and not hide the pain (DH can't bear to see me in pain). Also after her having 5, I knew she would help tell me what going on.

I explained to DH exactly all the reasons and what I needed him to do and to be fair he did it. He really wanted to be there for the birth (me not so sure).

In the end I was glad it was just the two of us, made us feel like we survived it together. Though he is still a bit traumatised by the whole affair. It's amazing that a guy that wants a kid so much, didn't actually think about what it might involve (including the actual baby part). That's the reason I didn't want one (love her completely now she's here of course)

SofiaAmes · 13/10/2010 05:55

I had my mum and my dh for both my births. It worked out great.

BuckBuckMcFate · 13/10/2010 06:10

Great to read everyones stories

I've had my Mum with me at all 3 and she will be there when no 4 (hurry up!) makes an appearance soon.

She has been amazing all 3 times but she has said that she is exhausted afterwards as she 'pushes' with me during the birth

I have a fantastic relationship with her and I feel lucky that she has wanted to support me and DP.

I think that it helped DP as it meant all of the pressure wasn't on him and he has been able to nip to the loo, go for a drink etc without feeling like he is abandoning me.

She is also very sensitive in that she has naturally known when to take a step back and let DP concentrate on me.

And it has been great to have her there afterwards. I have such great memories of DP helping me have a shower while my mum held DD and listening to my Mum talking to DD.

Good luck, I hope all goes well for you.

SofiaAmes · 13/10/2010 06:19

By the way, first time around I had 40 hours of labor followed by emergency cs. Mother and dh were both there for labor, but only one was allowed in for cs, so dh came in for that. 2nd time, I had post partum hemorrhage, so although both were there for labor and birth, only one was allowed into theater for post partum hemorrhage, so my mum came in that time.

ClimberChick · 13/10/2010 06:22

My mum was in the hospital, just waiting outside (except that knew it would be a long one so went home, with permission, had some sleep and came back in the morning)

Earthymama · 13/10/2010 11:19

My daughter told me she had posted on here so I came to see!

It's been the most amazing experience. Birth is so different from illness or trauma, the pain is purposeful so it's more positive. I am the world's biggest wuss and could not watch childbirth on TV for love nor money, but I remember lots of laughter and so much love and joy. I always think, I wish I could stop the pain, but DD is so strong and positive.

The father is very practical and pragmatic and I always giggle when she does the 'All this is your fault' glare at the poor defenceless man.

I adore my daughter and seeing those little ones take their first breath and their first look at this amazing world in the arms of their parents has been one of the most special and intense experiences of my life.

sheeplikessleep · 13/10/2010 11:27

My mum and DH were both with me in delivery room.
For us, it worked really well, it gave DH a break every so often to get a sandwich or whatever and when I was getting quite upset with it all, they alternated their 'support' if that makes sense?

BUT, I did ask my mum, after the birth (and after initial cuddles) to give me and DH time with our LOs (she was there for both births) by ourselves for 30 minutes or so.

Don't regret it for a minute. At 4am with DS2, I was desperate for an epidural, measuring just 3cm. She said I was overthinking everything (I was!) and to give it until 5 and then decide. DS2 was born at 5.03am and I'm so glad that for DS2 I didn't have the epidural. Don't get me wrong, DH was great, but he isn't quite as bossy as my mum, which for me, is what I needed in that situation.

But, horses for courses and all that ...

Original poster

lennon80 · 13/10/2010 15:07

Wonderful to listen to all these stories and how it was for everyone..thanks so much.

OP posts:

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