Anyone take their mum in as well as their husband?

[lennon80]

I am thinking of having my mother in the delivery with me and was wondering if other people did this and how they felt about it. I am wondering if I will feel additional anxiety as my mum has not seen my 'down there' since I was a little girl. Of course I know I wont give a damn when in active Labour but just wondering other peoples thoughts and experiences with this before I make a decision. Just to add I am very close to my mum. Thanks.

[linziluv]

My mum was there for my first and will defo be there for 2nd!! She was bloody fantastic! Plus she's a nurse so that made it even better! My partner was shite in early labour, dismissing my contractions entirely so mum kept me company for the first 12 hours (of a 40 hr labour)...he even complained in hospital that he was bored and tired!!! ...he wasn't fantastic in late stages either asking completely useless questions most of the time.
I'm having this one at home (all being well) so would like my sister at the birth (I was present at my niece's birth) too, along with mum and my partner...although I anticipate him spending more time flicking thru sky!!...he's probs best outta the way anyway!

[lennon80]

RoxieP I think any good mother would be there if her daughter asked. Lots of my friends took their mothers in as well as their husbands, I cant see why not if that is what you want. Your mum sounds quite sensitive about it all, and so she wouldnt step on your DP's toes by the sound of it and would only probably get involved when she felt she needed to or you needed her to. I didnt ask DH I just told him, at the end of the day it is me giving birth so I will have my mother there even if he wasnt keen (which of course is not the case as they get on great).

I would be heartbroken to think my mother was patronising enough to say it was a time for her and DH, I think that is a cop out personally?

[RoxieP]

I think my mum would love to be there but doesn't want to tread on my DPs toes - but I know if we both say it's fine she will be there with bells on!

[lennon80]

RoxieP Your DP needs to realise having your mother there is a far cry from having your MIL there. In fact I would choose about 50 other people before I would want my MIL there and looking at my bits..no thanks!

MummyB2010 Gosh your poor friend, I would be really upset if my mum said no. My mum sees it as a privilege and wants to be there to support her baby (me) and she wants to be there to look after DH too as she thinks of him as her son. I think that mum was mean saying no, she is being patronising to say it is between her and DH, surely that is a decision for your friend to make?

[MummyB2010]

I have to say I'm slightly envious of the mother daughter relationships being described here. There is NO WAY I could stand my mum at the delivery. As much as I love her, i imagine she would end up totally taking over and driving me and DH completely crazy.

I want to share the birth of our first child with DH alone, but I totally understand it's a personal preference.

A friend of mine is very very close to her mum and asked her to be at the birth along with her DH. To my surprise, her mum actually said 'no' and that she thought it should be about her daughter and her DH, that she believed in her, knew she could do it and would be right round the corner if she needed her. I personally agree with that and really admired her mum for this.

But I guess it depends on what your DH is like in a crisis!

[RoxieP]

I really want my mum to be there as we are very close and I think I would be reassured having her there as she's been through it all before. Also my DP nearly faints at the sight of anything slightly bloody/gory on the TV so he will probably be about as much use as a chocolate teapot...

He says that it's not fair on his mum but it's hardly the same is it? She came with us for one of my scans and I felt uncomfortable with my bare belly out, let alone anything else!

[Kateaw]

I would have loved my mother to be there and she would have come if I'd asked her. As it was she couldn't come anyway as my dad had a heart attack about a month before :(

So my mother-in-law asked if she could be there! I knew DH (most squeamish bloke on the planet) might not cope, reluctantly I said yes, so she could be there for him.

She learnt some new words that day

[MummyQueenofPutridFleshandGore]

I was lucky enough to be at my my first grandchilds birth.I was very concerned about seeing my daughter in pain ,but strangely when the time came i was fine.Probably because my DD was panicking enough.I am proud to say that i saw my beautiful gd when she was only a head [hgrin]and i was second to hold her because dd,s partner was too scared to at first.

[Tootlesmummy]

I think if I was having a natural delivery and my mum had been there I would have got stage fright and he wouldn't have come out.

I can't imagine anything worse.

[saoirse86]

I had my mum and DP at the birth of my DD. I hadn't planned to have my mum there but she came round (I really can't remember what for) just as I was going into the hospital so she was able to drive us there and my partner could come straight in with me and didn't have to worry about parking. I'd been having contractions for 48 hours at that point so DP was really tired and I think he needed the support as well.
I'm very close to my mum but she has obviously not seen my bits since I was a child either. TBH at that stage of labour I really didn't care. She saw me bleed all over the house, in her car, on the floor in the delivery room, she saw my poo myself several times, but I really didn't care!
If you think she'll be a good support to you and your partner's happy about it then have her there. If you want her to leave at any point then hopefully she is one person who won't take that personally if you tell her get out.

[CurlyCasper]

I did and they were both amazing. As well as supporting me, they were there for each other. I hope it can be repeated if there is a next time. (Mum had to drive five hours in the night to be there!)

[all4u]

As always with us humans - no easy answer - it all depends! I did but my Mum was a nurse and health visitor and I wanted her expertise on hand (Head end) as she knoew the system. DH was also there (business end) as he is a livestock farmer and knows all about birth and is really cool! Did I need them - yes as the first time I got the worst midwife of all who failed to identify how advanced I was. I was in cloud cuckoo land and just totally 'switched' off as my brain was all 'on task'. I wasn't worried as my 'team' were on it and I could get on with the big job. You will be at a distinct disadvasntage making decisions and getting your point across believe me!
So I suggest that you talk to them - Mum, DH, sister friend; be flexible but, I would suggest, do not lose sight of the most important thing of all - a healthy newborn and, second but also important, a Mum who feels loved and supported at the start of an amazing journey in life

[MrsC2010]

God, I can't imagine anything worse than having my mother there. Love her dearly, but no thanks, I like my boundaries!

[SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass]

I think it's good (if hospital allows it and AFAIK most do) to have two people with you so that, if you have a long labour, one can go and get coffee or indeed have a little nap if necessary. However, they need to get on with each other as well as you, having people point-scoring over your heaving contracting body is Not Good.
I was lucky - I had already asked K if she would come with me and she'd agreed, I mentioned this to Mum who went, oh I suppose you won't want your old mum and I was very quick to say, yes I would love you to be there, thought it might be too much for you. SO the next thing I did was take both Mum and K to the 20-week scan, as much so they could both meet each other as anything. Luckily they hit it off and were great on the Big Day.

[mummc2]

I had mum and DH too for both my deliveries. My DH is squemish(?) and wasnt sure how much practical help he would be so when i was about 5/6 mths i asked him if he would be bothered if my mum came in for support and he was really glad said she'll be more use than me. I mean im not saying men are useless mine was fantastic during both long births but more emotionally and as my mum had been through it 3 times herself she was more objective and tougher on me when i needed it especially when baby 1 got stuck i was panicking and mum was brilliant. And as hubby is urrgghh about blood my mum got to cut the umbilical cord both times which she said was really special.

[LittlebearH]

My mum was there with DP but she came in a bit later (was a 49hr long haul) with food and drink for DP.

Although she hated seeing me in pain she and I were glad she was there. DP didnt mind.

It gave him a chance to have a 15 min little break to update other family and friends without feeling guilty for leaving me.

[littleoldme]

I had my mum and Dh there when Ds was born and I'm really glad I did. I had a very long and painful pre labour; them both being with me meant that one of them could go and get some rest and one could help me.

I think it depends entirely on the sort of relationship you have.

[lennon80]

mrshuggybear your birth experience sounds really traumatic but it was great your mum could be there for you and DH. I am worried about having pethadine as I dont want to be 'out of it' too much but then if the pain gets too much I will probably be screaming for everything.

[BrainMash]

My mum was with me for my eldest and she was fantastic More use than my DH actually

[lennon80]

God really..I hope my mum can handle it. That sounds awful for you and your mum, just shows though you can never know how people will react in any situation till you put them in it.

[moirasings]

My Mum is a nurse and tough as old boots and I had planned to have her at DS's birth as the father was a useless S@@t who had left me when I was 6 months preggers.... but it was a tough birth and she couldn't stand seeing me in so much pain - she was white and shaking and the midwife had to ask her to leave the room! So you never really know - she's the last person in the world that I would have thought would crumble!

[mrshuggybear]

I had a v traumatic labour, a very long back to back. My mum arrived and expected me to have had my baby, no chance, was another 8 hours and she drove 3 and a half hours to get there, I'd been in labour for days and was 6 cms when admitted...it was another 15 hours after that.

I hadn't planned to be there, she just arrived expecting my lo to be here, helped dh and I, rubbed my back, brought food for us both etc and didn't leave, I never thought of asking her to. I was just concentrating on getting through contractions and I later had pethadine so was out of it for a bit, it had started to wear off by the pushing stage. I had both dh and my mum holding my hands which was great. There were pros and cons, dh was exhausted and it was great she could be that extra support for him and me, afterwards I lost a lot of blood and she was there to reassure him when the room was packed full of people due to the blood loss and he was panicking, she also helped him with Scarlet as due to the blood loss I don't remember that much after having her placed on my chest and giving her a bit of milk. That was when the blood loss happened and Scarlet had to go straight to dh.

However we didn't get the birth we wanted which especially upset dh, he wanted it to be just him and me...I can understand that but then the birth was nothing like I expected or hoped for. I would have liked to remember more. My mum was a fantastic help.

xxx

[SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass]

I think the most important thing is you have people with you who you know are going to be helpful and who want to be there. If you have a partner who is phobic about blood/hospitals etc, it's not a good idea to force him to come. Because the last thing you want, when in labour, is someone whose feelings you have to consider all the time (is he all right, does he feel sick, etc). Only thing worse is someone who has a track record of bullying and undermining you whether that's partner or mum.

[lennon80]

Some lovely stories there and clearly some lovely mother and daughter relationships. I do hope if I ever have a DD (this one is a boy) she would want me at my grandchild's birth.