Due March 2020 - FIRST BABY in late 20's

[lonelyonee]

Hello!
Just wanted to start a new thread specifically for women who are in their late twenties & are having their first baby in March 2020! 🙂
Not trying to exclude anyone just think it will be nice to speak to women who are in the same sort of circumstances as myself. Plus the other March threads are pretty full!

Bit about me:

• due 28th March 2020
• 27 years old (DP is 24)
• was on the combination pill for 12 years
• been with DP a year and a half
• SO excited as this is both our first baby (DP's ex had a miscarriage @ 10 weeks a few years ago)
• feeling nauseous, boobs are killing, weeing loads & having cramps/pains.

Look forward to hearing your stories & sharing this experience with you! 🙂 xx

Sorry for the late reply ladies. I've typed out my response multiple times and then like a complete idiot I've closed the app completely off my phone and lost it all! Could be baby brain or maybe I just am an idiot 🤷🏼‍♀️😂
So I shall start again...

@Dinosauraddict sorry to hear about the anaemia etc... are you feeling any better now? Don't worry I'm the same, I haven't had the energy or stomach to tackle the extremely large pile of washing up on our kitchen counters for a few days ☹️
Wow at least you've got the nursery off to a great start! Can't believe how organised you are, I need to move house before I can do such exciting things unfortunately.

@SLT90 Glad it was just a one off for you, did you manage your run? I've already bought some since my boobs practically appeared from nothing (I usually have A cup barely existing ones) and the pain of normal bras was too much. I got a 3 pack of soft bras with padding inserts from primark for I think £10! Very comfy, and have saved me!

@Donnamarie2019 oh wow fantastic scan pictures! Mental how fast they grow in there isn't it! So excited to see everyone else's 12 week scans 😃

@lonelyonee definitely feeling better thank you, although I'm finding that I'm tiring very quickly (walking up one flight of stairs exhausts me, ridiculous I know)! How are you doing? Still no luck finding a house?

@lonelyonee I have to move too before any preparation can happen! Due to move in October so not too long to wait.
I did get to go for my run!! So pleased with myself for doing it. Planning to do another tomorrow evening (although after a day of work it is going to be harder! Was in bed before 9pm tonight!)
I am counting down the days until my 12 week appt/scan. Only a week and a day to go!!

Hey😊 hope everyone is ok?
Had our scan this morning and have been brought forward to 11+6 so due date is now Friday 13th March 😂.
We saw baby kicking it's legs and nodding it's head, sure we can see it's tongue sticking out on one of the photo's too!

Lovely pic @DaniX91
@SLT90 when are you moving and what sort of place are you looking for?

@Dinosauraddict glad to hear it 🙂
we have a viewing on a house on Tuesday but there is such slim pickings in our price range I'm panicking a bit thinking we're going to have to settle for something.
I'm not doing great to be honest. Had a letter of concern from work that I'm not fulfilling my role entirely... along with a lecture about talking to colleagues (someone keeps making up horrible accusations about me) and the manager pretty much told me that if it was true (which it isn't in the slightest) I would lose my job. Honestly if I thought financially I would be okay I'd leave, I can't stand it.

@SLT90 ooo really when are you moving? I'm hoping for an end of September move otherwise we have to wait until March which is obviously no good to us. Aww I'm so jealous I wish I only had to wait a week! ☹️ so exciting seeing everyone's scans though. Are you having the tests?

@DaniX91 aww that's great news and fab scan pic! Aha already got a little personality eh 🙂

@lonelyonee
That's awful about work, that must be the last thing you need right now! I've been through something similar at work. Turned out the person was terribly jealous of me. The same person made accusations twice so I made an official complaint against her with HR and she was investigated. They found I had done nothing and she actually admitted to lying about me! Sooo stay strong and if it continues, make a counter complaint and they should investigate it further 🤷🏼‍♀️

@eskimod thanks for sharing your experience I'm glad it worked out for you. I'm in a tough spot tbh, manager is blind to the bullying culture that has been happening for quite a while. Although myself and a colleague have mentioned issues multiple times he always deflects it back on us, like we're causing issues etc... when in fact we are being treated quite awfully by multiple people, and tbh I would go as far as to include him in that as he has personal relationships with them and therefore cannot remain impartial. I'd be here all day if I were to really go into it ☹️

@lonelyonee
Aw that sounds dreadful! You must be miserable at work.
I'm sorry if you've already said, but Do they know you're pregnant?
Could they be doing it because of this? If so, that could be discrimination... therefore unlawful.
If they don't know, tell them? Then they or at least the manager might ease off due to fear you'll complain about discrimination??
Either way, record everything. I had a word doc with dates etc of all the incidents. Record every little thing as evidence. Get your friend to too.
Hope this isn't getting you too down. Try to stay strong before maternity leave 😊

@eskimod I am! And I'm not the only one either. Another lady was in floods of tears the other day at her desk. The whole place is toxic and has seemed to have gotten worse since I stuck up for a colleague who was being bullied.
They are aware actually, I'm assuming that's why they've not gone down any official route yet but it does look like they're getting their ducks in a row to make me the fall guy (or maybe I'm just being paranoid).
All of this was going on prior to my pregnancy, it's just gotten to the point where it's actually ridiculous that I'm constantly being told I've said or done this or that when no such thing has happened. With no clue of who is saying it.
I have my suspicions but without proof in a managers words "you can't do anything".
Like I said I'm always being made to feel like I'm the problem, and I don't like to play the victim but I think I am one in this case.
I mean I get actively ignored by multiple people whom I cannot avoid, it started with one then slowly the others followed suit to appease that person. I'm guessing this as when they aren't around they do speak to me a little.
I'm just at my wits end and I'm feeling god awful with the exhaustion and nausea. I really don't have the energy to work harder atm.

Thankyou @lonelyonee certainly seems that way! Ha.
Aw it sounds like you're having a really tough time atm, that's the last thing u want at any time never mind when you're pregnant x

@lonelyonee what exactly does a 'letter of concern' mean? I'm a senior manager and currently have someone on formal poor performance, but never had to do a letter of concern? It sounds like a really awful culture. I'm assuming you don't want to leave to ensure you get mat pay? Good luck for the house viewing Tues! I love house shopping and viewing. It's one of my strange great pleasures in life (along with interior design and antique furniture - my house has an interesting quirky vibe). What sort of place are you after? I know you said there's a small local area you want to stay in.

@Dinosauraddict @lonelyonee we have a deposit on a new build house and sold our previous house back in April, so we have been with my parents since then just waiting for the build to finish - definitely will be ready for the move!!! Luckily should be fairly stress free as we have no rush to get everything moved in one day.

@lonelyonee that sounds like a nightmare at work! The last thing you need!! Have you a union or anything like that you can get support from to help you fight them back?

My scan is a week today and I can't wait. As we are in N. Ireland we don't get as many tests offered as the rest of the UK as our abortion laws are different. So I don't think we will find out if the baby is at risk of any syndromes. I work within special needs anyway so it wouldn't be something I'm likely to seek out private tests for or anything.

@SLT90 I didn't know the tests were different in NI as well as the abortion laws. My own stance is that I couldn't abort this baby, but if they have downs or something I would rather know in advance to prepare/research and it may affect childcare options etc.
Re new build house, I'm really interested in your experiences on this actually. Have you exchanged? Do you have a set moving date? How have you found the process? The weekend we found out we were pregnant we paid a reservation fee on a new build property (well technically a very old conversation but essentially a new build). I've bought/sold a few houses but finding this really strange - still haven't exchanged as there seems to be a lot of issues to resolve. It's only a second home so I'm trying not to let it stress me, but it was supposed to be completed in Dec, and now they're saying March. Obviously not quite as ideal!!

@DaniX91 I definitely don't need the stress tbh.
@Dinosauraddict it's basically an informal letter to state that they have had conversations with me about me actively doing a certain thing more at work. (I have been doing this thing but obviously with feeling like shit I've been needing to sit down and haven't really had the energy to be on my feet entertaining people all day so I've focused a little more on the other side of my job which involves emails and writing and creativeness with noticeboards etc...).
I'd love nothing more than to leave and I was looking for another job before becoming pregnant but now I feel like I'm stuck there wishing the months away so I can escape.
Thank you, I'm hoping it'll be the one so I won't have to keep stressing 🤞🏻
Oh they're always doing that with new builds! Everyone I know who's had one has ended up living with family for months on end waiting. Hopefully they'll hurry along for you so you can get settled.
@SLT90 no do not have a union or anything and tbf I'm not really wanting to go to HR as I don't have any proof of anything ☹️ also it would be a manager and at least 3 other people against me.
Oh I didn't realise that was the case with the tests. I'm going to accept them as id rather know but it is a little daunting.

@Dinosauraddict yes as far as I can tell there is basic testing for some syndromes offered as standard in England and you can pay for more in depth testing, whereas here they just do the normal blood tests but no testing for syndromes. I'm sure they identify if the baby has anything life threatening or significant medical issues, but they dont offer the same identification of high risk/low risk for syndromes. I think we can do those privately but I'm not sure I will opt for that! Would obviously take the standard testing if it was included for free but I'm the same, it won't change anything.

With the house we paid a holding deposit to secure the site back when we first decided we wanted that property, then we signed contract and paid 10% deposit once our own sale completed and our new mortgage application was approved. And now we are working towards a set build completion date (start of Oct), on which we will exchange keys and the rest of the property value will be settled. We haven't had any complications to date, just had to pick our fixtures and fittings after the contract was signed and now we wait!

@lonelyonee that's a shame you don't have that support. I would definitely start documenting your side of the story and a timeline of events if you can, in case you do need to go to HR!

@lonelyonee ah ok we have a version of that with our 'managing a dip in performance' policy, but doesn't have to be an actual letter, just recorded notes from a conversation. That sounds incredibly stressful, but you would be right to start recording things now - you may need it later (hopefully not, but better to be prepared)...

@SLT90 we paid the reservation fee, but haven't yet got to the paying 10% deposit stage. I just want to get there so I know the house will actually (eventually) be ours. We've had 2 houses fall through this year, so I'm hoping third time lucky! Are you excited about your move?

@Dinosauraddict
Hopefully this time works out, especially as it is a new build so there is no chain I'm guessing? I'm getting quite excited now that we are about a month away from completion but up until now have felt a bit detached from it all because it has felt surreal! We are very happy with the house so can't believe it will actually be ours. I'm hoping to arrange a visit to go and see inside it for the first time in the next week or two (the builder let us look inside a similar one a couple of months ago to get a feel for the size as we bought off plan)

@SLT90 at least you don't mind not having the tests as it wouldn't make a difference for you. I'm sure they would inform you of any abnormalities anyway, as they're checked on the 20 week scan. Fingers crossed they don't push you back any further and you're in there in October 🤞🏻
No it's very cliquey (is that a word?) and I'm now feeling like they are intentionally trying to either push me out or make me look bad to suit their agenda possibly. There's a lot of back story where someone from there got involved in my personal life also, messaging my partner and I had a very threatening phone call. After hearing a colleague slag me off, I put two and two together and guess that they are the culprit but again I have no proof. Cherry on top I've been screamed at across the public space in work today by the manager. I'm honestly struggling to hold back tears today.
Also doesn't help I've been throwing up all day and feel very shaky and weak.

@Dinosauraddict read above for update on situation, have started to record things but unsure of dates/times of previous incidents. Fingers crossed it is third time lucky for you 🤞🏻

hope everyone is well x

Sorry I’ve been quiet on here, I’ve been too busy enjoying my holiday! First day back at work today and oh my goodness, I feel your pain ladies, I’m absolutely exhausted! Had my first midwife appointment today too, all went well apart from the blood tests.. she couldn’t get any blood so I’m off to the hospital tomorrow to have another go, the joys! How is everybody?

@jlo6308
Exactly the same thing happened to me last week. When I went to the hospital the next day, they also couldnt get bloods from my arm so had to get bloods from my hand!
My first day back at work was yesterday, thank goodness I had the 6 week hols to get over most of the morning sickness etc! Feel for all the ladies having to work right through it all! X

@eskimod does this mean you’re a fellow teacher? ☺️ They had to use the children’s needle in the end, I feel like a pin cushion! Just waiting on scan letter now, shouldn’t be long as I’m 10 weeks (I was late having my booking appointment as I was away 🙈)... the wait is killing me!

@jlo6308
Yes I'm a primary teacher!
And I'm also 10 weeks (+5) so we're very similar. I'm not sure what needle they used on me, they didn't say and I couldn't look because I'm so a wimp with needles! Glad they managed to get yours out in the end!
My scan appointment was made at my booking appointment (also last week at 9 weeks) so I know the date and time, but I haven't had a letter. My scan will be when I'm nearly 13 weeks! I'm just hoping all is well!
Have you told your headteacher yet? I told mine yesterday so she's aware for risk assessments etc. I was so nervous! X

I’m primary too ☺️ Yeah we’re just waiting on the letter now but I’m guessing it’ll be closer to 13 weeks since my booking appointment was so late on. Yeah I met up with her in the holidays and told her, the only day the midwife could do my appointment was Monday which was our first day back so I didn’t want to go in on the first day and then be like ‘by the way.. I’m pregnant, and I need to go for an appointment today.. bye!’ She was great though, I know what you mean though, I was so nervous!!