MARTIANS 2014 - Thread 9: Heartbeats, hormones and more Gregg's pasties than you can shake a stick at!

[rescoonetwothree]

Old thread!

Stats spreadsheet thanks to MTB

If you want to join the Facebook pm me your link and I'll get you added!

Welcome Martians!

Congratulations to all the ladies that have had successful 20 week scans and found out the sex. Didn't realise do many of you had your dates brought forward to Feb lucky things!

I'm feeling seriously let down and hurt by a long term friend this evening. Not going into detail but I thought if I mentioned it someone might tell me a joke to cheer me up? Come on ladies... Tell me your best one...

What does the cheese say when it looks at itself in the mirror?

Hello me!

Lamb chop... What's the difference between a camera and a sock?
(Imagine thick northern accent) one takes 'fourtos' the other takes five toes.
Not sure that comes over well on text :S

Why did the prawn blush?

Because the sea wee'd!

Lol thanks girls! Not sure about the cheese one though liber ha ha

Ice, you need to buy: 300g chocolate (milk or dark - your choice); mini marshmallows; cranberries; peanuts - or whatever nuts you fancy - (oo-er, missus!); golden syrup; butter; digestives. Let me know if you buy the stuff and I'll write the recipe down on here for you.

The braised pork chops with shallots, the creamy champ with spring onion and the crispy beef dripping roasties were fucking tremendous. Th'usband almost came in his pants. When he had the fridge cake for dessert he turned to me and said, 'Come on, pram, what's the punchline?' I said, 'I'm shagging the neighbours'

Lambchop:

Q: How do I know when my mum's on her period?

A: My dad's cock tastes a bit funny.

There is a fellow who is talking to his buddy and says, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. I'm stumped." His buddy says, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" The first fellow does just that. The next day, his buddy asks, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'

Sorry 'bout that

Hahaha pram sounds like me and my OH!!! Funniest thing is the neighbours join in on the jokes what the others must think when we're cackling over the fence I don't know!!

Oh Pram I just laughed so much I cried

oooh congrats grey and badly one each for team pink and blue. ...Is there a gender prediction spreadsheet somewhere or did I pick it up wrong?! Chinese gender prediction reckons girl and retrospectively guessed the boys in the family correctly though it is of course a load of bollocks!

Re mat leave I'm going off three weeks before edd using up a leave then 9 months if we have reached our savings target or 6 months if not. Impossible to save this time round though.. baking this worked for me last time but I'm mainly sat on my ass all day . Just needed cushions in the end . Nhs can average the $ over the time period apparently so the smp bit is not as painful.

ps ((((((KEGEL! !!)))))

Yes, also on breathlessness - notice particularly at top of stairs when carrying DS up to bed. It's normal - I have continued to exercise so don't believe I should suddenly be very unfit.

On Mat leave - hoping to work up to 39 weeks but will obviously just have to see how I go.

I'm going to take the whole year - it will make a big dent in our income as on SMP from 3 months to 9 months and then nothing. I am the biggest earner in our house as well. Tbh, I was more than ready to return to work last time and am slightly worried how my sanity will hold up for a whole year. Hoping to do an online uni module at nights after I've survived the first 5/6 months and think that will help and I'll have all of you for support! We have always talked about having 2 children and both will be pre-school so just think if we can make finances stretch, it's better for them for a year that I'm at home.

My one also doesn't do well on text "hello me" "haloumi" cheese? No? Ok try this one

I used to work at a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

imeg

Imeg don't you dare apologise. This is what we are here for. I'm so sorry you didn't get the results you were hoping for. Will another scan be able to tell you more? Here for hand holding x

Imeg please do share with us and I hope we can help in some way even if it's just listening.

Thoughts with you imeg

Ah I get it now liber that's actually quite funny now your has to explain it to me lol

imeg

lmeg virtual hand hold

Imeg thinking of you. Glad your still going ahead, your baby might have a condition but he/she will still be loved x

imeg at what stage will you know the full extent? Sounds like you are staying positive whilst understandably upset. like you said,if your husband has a good life then your baby can have a happy life too. X

Imeg xxx keep talking to us and never apologise!