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Bereavement

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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
Olissa · 05/08/2009 14:36

Congratulations on your DS4 Mel (and hello, I think this is the first time we've met - I have been around for about a thread and a half )

Woolyjo, I understand how you are feeling too, and I second ILTMI... don't let anyone tell you it's too soon or anything like that. We had problems because I wanted another baby quickly and DH didn't... after ten months, this one came along unplanned but we are both now very happy about it.

If you have nice GPs, maybe have a natter with them at your postnatal check? I guess that'll be soon. I was dreading mine after Caitie died but the doctor (one I had never met before) was lovely.

shabster · 06/08/2009 08:20

Morning girls xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 06/08/2009 11:59

Hi Shabs, I had a dream about you last night.

NO, not THAT kind of dream

It was all a bit random really. Tom had a birthday party in Wales and you invited us along. I got to meet you, your dh and Tom and there were loads of sweets to help ourselves to.

I think I had too much cheese on my pizza last night

shabster · 06/08/2009 14:11

How strange moveit, it sounds like a lovely dream though. xxxx

lottiejenkins · 06/08/2009 16:07

Afternoon girls, Had a bad morning with Wilf........... The connexions workers have been here to discuss careers with him this afternoon!

shabster · 07/08/2009 08:52

Morning girls xx

lottiejenkins · 07/08/2009 14:46

Another crap morning! Grrrrrrrrrr at teenagers!!!

frasersmummy · 07/08/2009 15:58

sorry this is so long but I really didnt know what to say yesterday .. did I do the right thing .. how have some of you who are further down this road than me handled this in the past

I was in the chemist with Ross.. I told him to come sit on my knee so the lady could get a seat.

This started her talking away just making chit chat and she says to Ross so do you have brothers or sisters.

He looked at me, hummed and hawed and then said no. The lady laughed and said you dont seem sure.. more hmming , pointed upwards and then no.

I then had to step in and tell her about our first little boy

Ross looked a bit upset.. we got back to the car and I said to him was that hard.. yes! Did you not know what to say.. no!

I was a bit stumped and said well what you like to tell people when they ask you this - I dont know. Do you want to say yes I have a big brother but he is up in heaven - no
Do you want to say no I dont .. no

Ok well how about if its someone you are going to see a lot eg school teachers or new friends you could tell them about Fraser and if its just a person in a shop you can say no

Yeah ok .. will you tell me what one to say?? Well how about you decide how you feel
each time and if you are not sure you can ask me

ok mummy thats a plan

oh and I've just had a phonecall saying he won all 4 races at his sports day (proud mum emoticon)

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 07/08/2009 16:51

Is WIlf bored during the holidays Lottie? DO you think that may have something to do with his behaviour?

I think you handled the situation very well FM. I'm not sure what else you could have said tbh. You talked it through with Ross and let him come to his own decisions. It also sounds like you've got a budding athlete on your hands When are the summer holidays in Scotland?

frasersmummy · 07/08/2009 17:28

Thanks Ilike - summer holidays are coming to a close up here most go back the week after next.

Lottie come tell us some teenage angst stories so all of us with littlies know what we have to -look -forward- -to- dread

lottiejenkins · 07/08/2009 17:52

Well he keeps telling me im a "bigbum mum" and a "bigboobiemum" and telling me to "fark off"

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 07/08/2009 19:30

Teenagers. Don't you just love 'em

lottiejenkins · 07/08/2009 20:22

Not very much at the moment no!

shabster · 08/08/2009 08:06

Morning girls xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 08/08/2009 08:36

Hi there Shabs. You ok?

How's it going looking after Lew? Is he keeping his granny on her toes?

shabster · 08/08/2009 08:55

It is a joy, a challenge, and sometimes a pain in the bum looking after Lew

I have him every afternoon now because his mum has changed her hours. So its 12.30pm till 6 pm.

He has been walking since he was 10 months. Fantastic eater. He is saying quite a few words and you can easily understand what he wants.

We are very similar in personality and I can see lots of fun as he gets older.

Its a wonderful thing being a Gran - or Granny as he has started calling me!!!

lottiejenkins · 08/08/2009 11:06

At least you arent "Graggy!" which is what Wilf calls my Mum, he did it on Thursday in the supermarket, he spotted her at the other side of the shop and roared "GRAGGY" very loudly,,,,, No chance that Mum would get away with not being seen!!

frasersmummy · 08/08/2009 11:28

my four year old is as bad as your teenager lottie...

I put him on the naughty step fro throwing his toys.. he ran up this room. I went to bring him back and he said.

Look bloody leave me alone.. I need time to calm down and then we can talk

shabster · 08/08/2009 12:02

sorry FMammy - but it made me giggle. xxx

lottiejenkins · 08/08/2009 16:43

We have had a lovely afternoon......... Our church fete was on so my mum came over with my niece and nephew, mums best friend who is staying and the childrens Granfer, we just happened to end up at the pub in the company of some very handsome guys in their 20's! Wilf loves spending time with them and they dont half do my ego good! I msde sure they all got a nice kiss goodbye when i left them!!

shabster · 09/08/2009 07:51

Morning girls xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 09/08/2009 09:03

I'm glad you're enjoying Grannyhood Shabs, I bet you missed Lew while you were on holiday!

My MIL looks after M one afternoon a week and misses him terribly when she goes on holiday.

It looks like another day of sunshine here

shabster · 09/08/2009 09:06

Yes I did miss Lew - the two brothers who own the hotel have 5 children between them and they always hang around with Tom so there wasn't that much peace and quiet

I had forgotten just how knackered you get looking after a toddler though!!!

shabster · 10/08/2009 07:35

Morning girls xx

hazygirl · 10/08/2009 20:41

evening girlsx hope everyone ok sorry not been here much but have had alot on at moment x