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Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

984 replies

Deemented · 03/05/2009 16:54

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

OP posts:
shabster · 03/06/2009 19:31

OMG what a powerful song....will be back in a bit - I have some dust in my eye that is making my eyes water Dont like Tom seeing me get upset - he is the lucky one in our family who has no memories of the awful losses. Thank you for linking that - it is truly beautiful.

Thelighthousekeeper · 03/06/2009 20:49

Sorry - didn't mean to upset you Shabs x

shabster · 03/06/2009 21:41

Not a bad kind of upset - a good kind if you can understand my ramblings Just one of those songs that gets you xxx

lottiejenkins · 03/06/2009 21:50

This is another beautiful song !

www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MlCJhqa8eU

frasersmummy · 03/06/2009 22:21

lighthouse its soo hard isnt it ???

Every milestone Elodie reaches will make you think of Noah..how could it not??

She will as you know never replace Noah but she is someone to lavish all your love on.

Be kind to yourself tomorrow.. take the time to do whatever your heart tells you tonight and tomorrow

I will light a candle for your beautiful boy tomorrow

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

shabster · 04/06/2009 06:17

Good morning girls xx

Have lit a candle in memory and with great respect for Noah.

Hope my boys are with him and with all of our children....I know our children will be proud that we have all found each other and help each other xxxxx

travellingwilbury · 04/06/2009 07:40

Good morning everyone

A candle is lit here in sunny sussex for Noah xx
I hope you manage to find some peace today lighthouse xx

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 04/06/2009 07:41

Thinking of you all Lighthouse, a candle will be lit here in Suffolk for your darling Noah. Take care xxx

Olissa · 04/06/2009 08:26

Thinking of you all with love Lighthouse xx

frasersmummy · 04/06/2009 08:51

I have a lit a candle in Glasgow in honour of Noah

hazygirl · 04/06/2009 08:58

thinking of you and your family today,candle lit here in yorkshire for you, take care of yourselfxx

lottiejenkins · 04/06/2009 09:52

Lighthouse. Thoughts and love from Suffolk xxxx

charleymouse · 04/06/2009 11:27

Lighthouse a candle is lit in Sheffield, have just had another look at your profile pics and he is a handsome fella your Noah.

Hope your roses start to open soon.

lottiejenkins · 04/06/2009 13:47

I heard this read out on Good Morning Sunday last weekend, it is beautiful. Lighthouse this is for Noah today.

Beannacht
("Blessing")

On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

~ John O'Donohue ~

(Echoes of Memory)

gardeningmum05 · 04/06/2009 17:02

lighthouse,candle lit in nottingham for Noah.
hope all our babies are playing together

shabster · 04/06/2009 17:25

I know all our babies are together - and the few of us with older children? - well, I know our older children are looking after everybody.

I think that is why we have all found each other....xxx

marmitemonster · 04/06/2009 19:42

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marmitemonster · 04/06/2009 19:55

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frasersmummy · 04/06/2009 21:00

marmite.. you didnt gatecrash at all

I am sorry to hear you had such a shit day.

I deal with people all over the uk so when I went back , although all my office new there were a lot of people who didnt

I had a small paragraph put in the news bulletin... stopped the questions, unhelpful comments etc in their tracks can you do something similiar??

marmitemonster · 04/06/2009 21:29

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shabster · 05/06/2009 06:17

Good morning girls xx

gardeningmum05 · 05/06/2009 09:47

i hope it gets better at work for you marmite hang in there.

i was in my office at work on wednesday and a lady came in carrying a box, and she made a comment about it being shaped like a babys coffin! she didnt know my circumstances in fairness, i had to leave the room cos couldnt cope and my boss told her.
she apoligised, but feel its taken me back 6 months of grieving.

its shit how you can be having a good day, a the slightest thing can take you back.
to be honest marmite, sounds like you work with some right morons

Thelighthousekeeper · 05/06/2009 10:58

Hi Girls,

Thank you so much for the lovely messages and the lighting of candles yesterday. It really helped us get through the day and we were so touched. Lottie - the poem is beautiful - thank you. x

We had a quiet day the 4 of us. We ordered a beautiful posy for Noah's grave and took it to him and in the afternoon we visited Stouhead which is a beautiful garden near us and had a walk around the lake there. It was very peaceful and tranquil and the scenery stunning.

Marmite - I'm so sorry things at work have been so crappy, I really hope it will get better.

Olissa · 05/06/2009 15:15

I'm glad you had a peaceful day Lighthouse and I agree that the poem Lottie found is beautiful.
Marmite, my immediate colleagues knew when I went back to work, but most of them knew because they are Facebook friends, not because anyone 'official' had told them. I found out later that when a collection had been taken for flowers when Caitie died (round the whole office) most people thought they were sending flowers because she'd been born, not because she'd died... I think you are doing very well to be back at all, I remember it well and it is tough. I hated repeating it over and over again... I hope things get better for you.

frasersmummy · 05/06/2009 16:11

HI all

We are off to the lake district tomorrow ..I feel a bit odd as we went to this caravan park for a few days jsut after we loss Fraser... and now we are going back with Ross

Anyway... I wont be around for a week or so.. take care.. hope you all find a little happiness sometime in the next week

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