Ciaran's Thread For Bereaved Mammies... Where It's Not About Finding The Answers, It's About Learning To Live With The Questions...

[Deemented]

Many many thanks to TW and Harry for passing the baton to myself and Ciaran.

Ladies, i found this poem, and thought it was particularly apt for this thread.

The Gift of Someone Who Listens

Those of us who have traveled awhile
Along this path called grief
Need to stop and remember that mile,
The first mile of no relief.
It wasn't the person with answers,
Who told us the ways to deal.
It wasn't the one who talked and talked
That helped us start to heal.
Think of friends who quietly sat
And held our hands in theirs,
The ones who let us talk and talk
And hugged away our tears.
We need to always remember
That, more than the words we speak,
It's the gift of someone who listens
That most of us desperately seek.

Ohhh Dee - being p seems to be rife on this thread at the moment

Im more than willing to 'talk' via email - I am very good at the confidential thingy - up to now I have kept two pregnancys secret, a divorce and two weddings!! That sounds like a film title.

sharondothillman@ntlworlddotcom

You are not joking when you say there is a lot going on in your life right now. Always here for you if you need to talk.

Oh yes and pack it in beating me on bejewelled xx

Ive spent today thinking about my close friends brave little man, it was ten years ago today that Oliver died of a brain tumour............. he was the most fantastic little lad!

Awww Lottie - its hard on other peoples 'remember days' because it brings up all our precious memories - hope you are ok xxxxx

Oh Frasersmummy, I also know that feeling too. I always take a picture with me when I go away, I live over the road from Caitie's garden and I don't think I could move far... I have my bracelet with her name on it too which helps me feel like I'm not leaving her behind. I hope you all have a good time, he will be with you (but of course you know that).

Lighthouse thanks for the info, have spoken to DH about it and will ask the midwives if we are covered here (or ring up FSIDS if the midwives don't know what I'm on about!) I hope Elodie, your DH and the dog are all OK (and you of course)!

It's nice to see you Dee - I hope you can get your head round things and find some peace one way or another, and that your poor DD feels better soon.

Marmite, hope you are feeling better today, and will be thinking of you tomorrow morning.

We are living in interesting times, aren't we? (Olissa hopes someone knows what she's on about with Chinese proverbs and Terry Pratchett and that life will treat us all gently for a while...)

Hello everyone.

Sorry I havent been around. Got too involved in other threads then someone was bloody horrible and I let it get to me. Twit that I am.

Shouldve stayed on here.

Missing my girl v.much now. She was soooo beautiful and I miss her. I was thinking how she would be able to babysit her little bros and come out on my birthday and be learning to drive and all that stuff. I still cannot believe what happened to her. Its too unreal.

I hope everyone is holding on tight.

X

Holding on by the skin of my teeth Che - its good to hear from you. My Matt (DS3) will be 25 years old on the last day of this month!!!! That is not possible - 17 years since I last held him....we will celebrate his 25th birthday because he loved special occasions. Older grief is, sometimes, overwhelming....dont let people get you down on MN - just come back to our special thread and we will all support and help. I did that and now I learn to steer clear of certain MNetters - its not worth our precious time because we will never change their point of view or their hurtful words xxxx

come on girls - lets link arms and walk the crappy path - or as my mum always says, instead of link arms, 'put your leg in bed??????' xx

So sorry someone was horrid to you che Glad you are back.

What are your plans for Matts birthday Shabs?

Morning!!

Giraffe - Matt went from occasion to occasion - Valentines, Easter, etc etc. He loved his birthday! Since he became an adult we have all gone out for a drink in his honour - we usually end up singing on karaoke - 'Pump up the jam' and 'The Power of love' (from the Back to the Future films) were his favourites.

We always try and make it the happiest day - but, believe me, the earlier years were almost impossible to celebrate.

Good morning everyone x

Che I am sorry to hear someone was being a plonk to you .

It is horrible when that wave comes isn't it ? Hold on tight and dig in until it passes .

Dee , that is a lot to cope with , I hope your dd makes a speedy recovery . And I agree with Shabs about the bejewleed blitz too how on earth do you do it ?

morning girls,hugs to everyone ,and im sure if you ring fsid they will be more than happy to help,conicare nurses were wonderful and do help reassure.
well weather is hot again ,ive housework galore to do but will be back later.
dee all will be fine, big hugsx

Hi all, mad day here, Mum came over and helped me sort all my things onto a new bookcase. Then I went to work, then home again, Catherine came round to do some gardening with me and my roses attacked me and my arms have been savaged, then back to work where i saw my friends husband and had a lovely hug from him, he and his wife have been really kind supportive friends, in 2003 he ran the London Marathon for the National Deaf Childrens Society for Wilfred. I then had volunteered to water the new grass seed at work with one of the teachers, then picked my friends children up and planted sunflowers with them, at 6 im meeting my friend Belle for a drink then off to another friends at 7.30 to set her up on Facebook!! Phew,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Hi all

sorry for my rant the other day.. sometimes as you all know all too well it all just catches up with you !!

normal service has been resumed.

Dee I dont want to say congrats because I am not sure its what you want to hear right now .. we are here if you want to talk.

nice to see you back chegirl

shabster make sure that light at the end of the tunnel isnt a train coming right at you !!!

tw have you evicted your furry fiend yet??

sending you all hugs

Hi all,

Just been out in the garden and seen that Noah's rose has some buds on it now, I wonder if they will open for his anniversary. They have also got some little white flies on them can anyone advise how to get rid of them?

Hello all,

Soapy water in a spray gun TLHK. Thats what my mum says anyway x

Frasersmummy - dont ever apologise for ranting, not ever x

Thank you all for your lovely welcoming and supportive messages. You are all so nice to me.

I know you all have your own struggles and some of you have extras at the moment. Big un- mumsnetlike hugs right at you all x

Beautiful song

Dedicated to all my friends on our thread. For those who are struggling, those with added problems, those who rant (I love a good rant), those who are doing ok and supporting others who are wading in the mud.

I hope this song dosen't upset anyone - Hazy I have had you on my mind all day - hows tricks with you my friend? xxx

For Everlong - I miss you xx

Good morning girls xx

Good morning everyone xx

fm YES the furry little bugger has gone

we found a hole under the cupboards after practically destroying the kitchen in the process . DH cemented it up and since then no sign or noise thankfully . I can now relax in my own ho9me which is nice x

I hope everyone is doing ok this morning x

Glad to hear the rat has done a runner TW!

Lighthouse, my Grandad's favourite flower was a rose and it always used to bloom on his birthday - in December! There are all these little signs around us. Sorry, I don't know how to get rid of the flies. Spraying a water and washing up liquid mixture rings a bell, but please double check.

Keep talking Dee, you've got lots of things going on in your life and talking always helps, whether it be in rl or on here.

Lovely song by the way Shabs

Or at least I presume it is . We had the eva cassidy version at Harrys funeral so I quickly clicked away .I am still rubbish with the music we had . It seems to take me right back there .

morning girls,hope your all ok just finished work ,will be on laterxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning everyone,

Thanks for the gardening tips. Will try what has been suggested.

Thats a lovely song Shabs. I keep listening to the one that Lottie posted a few months which I think she said Aled Jones played on Mothers Day on his Radio show. I just find it so moving. I can't remember what it's called I'll have a look and then post it later.

It's such a beautiful day here again. In some ways I find it harder on days when the sun is shineing so brightly. Tomorrow will be 1 year since Noah left us and I have just been sat here most of the morning in tears, I just miss him as much as a year ago and despite having Elodie here makes me miss him even more in some ways. I'm so glad I found you all and have had these threads to come to. xx

{{{{{Hugs Lighthouse}}}}}

The run up to remember days and birthdays are so difficult, for me it's like the pressure and upset builds and builds and builds. Then on the actual day the upset subsides and I feel a bit empty, I have an overwhelming feeling of 'what a bloody waste', but I somehow feel more at peace - until the next time I have a wobble.

Mac was a month old on Cole's first remember day and I had mixed emotions too. Having Mac reminded me of what I was missing with Cole, however looking at the overall picture Mac has helped heal us all a little. I hope Elodie does the same for you, I'm sure she will, it just might take a while to realise this.

In the early newborn days with M I felt that being totally absorbed in him took away my time to grieve for C. That was hard and upset me, then that on top of sleep deprivation was a crappy combination, but it passed when the night feeds weren't so frequent.

I'll be thinking of you all tomorrow and lighting a candle for your darling Noah xxx

Oh yes the run up to 'remember days' always gets to me more than the actual day....will hold you in my heart tomorrow.

Have put a couple of new pics of Lewis and his Daddy on my profile xx

ILike - You sum up exactly how I feel. Its just so unfair.
Thank you both for thinking of my darling boy.
Here is the link to the song, To Where You Are