Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

No mother should have to bear this pain. I'm so sorry. You will search for ways to blame yourself and the guilt riddles you but by personal experience please make sure you seek counselling. Suicide carries its own distinct trauma for family.

Sending huge hugs and love so sorry xxxxx

So sorry @JungleZgok

Whatever happens, remember it’s no fault of yours.
You are his mum and always will be.
Strength and love to you all in the next hours and days.

Praying for a miracle for your dear sweet boy. And for courage every new day for you and your family.

Sending you lots of love, no other words to say, so sorry you're all going through this xxx

Praying with you & sending strength to you and your boy.

I am so sorry. Thinking of you both.

Praying for a miracle xx

I am so sorry x

I know it has already been said, but I wasn't going to read and say nothing. I'm absolutely heartbroken to read of this and I will genuinely pray for you, your beloved son and your family tonight. I've hugged my own child beyond belief since reading this. Thoughts are with you, please know that x

I am so very very sorry

Thinking of you OP. I'm so very sorry you are going through this. Sending love and hugs ❤

I am so sorry, this is truly heartbreaking and I hoping for a miracle for you all

I am so so very sorry to hear your update. I have been thinking of you and your family all day. You truly are in my thoughts and I am praying for a miracle for you all. Heartbroken for you. Thinking of you.

I weep with you. I send my love. I'd feed your family if we were neighbours, and hold your hand. You have had to live my darkest fears, and I still have my fingers crossed in hope for you.

Sending love and strength OP. You are in my thoughts tonight

I'm so so sorry. Sending prayers for strength and peace for you and all your loved ones. May God hold you in the palm of His hand at this terrible time.

It's so awful for you it's beyond comprehension op. You and your family are in my thoughts x

I'm so sorry 😞 hoping against hope that things turn around for you 🌻💐

I'm so sorry to read your update, love and strength to you all OP ❤️

Like others that have posted. I am so sorry I can’t think of anything harder than the worry and grief you and your family are going through for your darling boy. Even with all the love you and your family gave him, he couldn’t see any other way. May he have rest and peace, whatever happens. Thinking of you in my prayers tonight and the coming days.

I’m so, so sorry 😞

What a heart breaking situation, I'm so sorry OP - I've been thinking of you and your son all day. I so hoped you'd be able to give a positive update. Utterly tragic. x

Thinking of you and your family op and sending big hugs from down under xx 💐