Need A Hand Hold - DS18 in ICU **Trigger warning**

[JungleZgok]

Just over 18 years ago, when I was in early labour with my wonderful DS I posted on Mumsnet until I went to the hospital (have name changed since then but was a regular poster). I had lots of encouraging posts from lovely mumsnetters and it was so helpful.

Now my DS is in ICU in a critical condition. I have been up nearly all night. My heart is breaking and I have never known grief like this. DS has been suffering from anxiety and depression and has been on meds over the last 7 weeks and having therapy and visits from the Adult Mental Health service but yesterday evening he decided he couldn't face it anymore.

He is such a sweet boy who always thinks of others. We have a great family and he has been talking to his older and younger sister. He has been talking to both me and DH and we have done everything we can to help him and keep him safe. But it hasn't worked.

I want to understand why this has happened and answers and reassurance that he is going to pull through but it is not looking that good. I can't cope. I feel like a shell and have never cried so much or been sick and to the toilet so much. I can't sleep.

Please be kind. I am not feeling that strong at the moment.

I'm so so sorry to read your update, was hoping it would be better news.
All of us with dc, especially those whose dc have mh difficulties will have particular empathy in these circumstances as I have worried ds1 would do something similar on many occasions.

Much love to you and your family ❤

There are no adequate words. I am so sorry .

I am so sorry OP, I cannot imagine how you and your family are feeling right now.

Absolutely heart breaking. You and your family are in my thoughts.

Like others I am so sorry this is the hardest thing anyone has to go through . It’s no body’s fault he could not see another solution just now. Thinking of you and if it is any comfort praying 🙏

I'm so sorry, Jungle - please keep talking to, and touching your darling boy. I'm sure he can hear you and feel his Mum's touch. As a PP said, talk about the happy times/memories - the memories that make you laugh, the times you felt so proud of him that your heart felt like it could simply burst, the small idiosyncrasies he has... but keep talking to him. And touching his face, holding his hand, if you can. He can still feel you there, I'm more than sure.

I have lit a candle for your darling boy and his family tonight. And like so many other MN'rs tonight, I'm praying for a miracle.

I've been thinking of you today x

I’m so desperately sorry 💔 xxx

I hope SOBS can help when you’re ready. I’m so sorry for your loss. uksobs.org

Oh @JungleZgok I am so sorry 😞. Miracles do happen and I’ll be thinking of you and your lovely son x

I’m so very sorry. The choices our children make are beyond our control and influence. Parenthood can be heartbreaking. Thinking of you, your boy and your family this evening. A very big hug and handhold, and I’m praying for a miracle xx

I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking of you all day.

I am sorry for your pain.

A friend recently lost her partner to suicide and I have done so much to educate myself about it.

I think that when someone is in a manic depressive episode, they simply cannot listen to anything rational such as how much they are loved, how they can get through it and get back to a place where they can be rational.

My friend who lost her partner felt that despite her efforts of expressing love, empathy, that he was finally at peace.

I have been through this too. I don't know how or if you can private message me. I am happy to share my story.

My heart is bleeding for you and your family,massive hugs.

I'm so sorry to read this. Sending every good thought your way x

❤️

There are so many beautiful words and messages shared on this thread that I hope you truly feel the love and support of this dispersed and virtual community.

I haven’t stopped thinking of you and your boy all day. I went to church this morning and prayed for you and I will continue to pray for a miracle.

Stay strong and take comfort in the fact that hundreds of strangers are praying for / sending positive thoughts and wishes for you and your boy.

All because you love your boy so much that you asked strangers to support you so you can be there for him.

If the worst happens, please remember the good that you have done for your son today and the huge outpouring of prayer, warmth and good vibes that hundreds and maybe even thousands of people are sending to him because of you ❤️

Words can't express how sorry I am to read your update. I have been thinking about you and your DS all day and willing for a positive update. Sending you a virtual hand hold and thinking of you all.

We are all here for you, hoping and thinking and wishing and praying. Much love.

I can only echo what everyone else has said.

💙

I am so, so sorry. Praying for a miracle

I'm so so sorry to see this thread and the update. There are no words. Sending love and prayers ❤️

I keep refreshing, not because you owe us an update or that I think you should, but because I know that there but the grace of God go I, which is a selfish reason really. Your story could be any mother, and I am so sorry that it is you. I will hold mine tight tonight but I also hold your boy in my prayers, he hasn't left my thoughts today.

So very sorry to see your update. You and your lovely son are in my thoughts and prayers tonight. xxx