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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

The first day without DH

109 replies

annandale · 03/02/2018 05:06

Lying awake not really able to believe it. Dh was alive this time yesterday. Ds sleeping in the room with me.

Lots of people have offered help. Very confused about all the legalities, there has to be a post-mortem

I have to see his parents today

OP posts:

chewiecat · 03/02/2018 05:07

So sorry to hear op

Stay strong for your DS xx

GoldenWondering · 03/02/2018 05:09

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ivykaty44 · 03/02/2018 05:10

Sorry for your loss is there another adult in the house with you?
😢

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 05:11

Thank you both. I was going to change my name, can't remember how, decided it hardly matters. If someone wants to piece together my identity it won't be hard but who cares.

OP posts:

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 05:12

Yes am staying with friends. Can't go home yet because of all the police involvement. Probably not til Tuesday.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 03/02/2018 05:15

This must be such a scary time added the grief you are feeling...

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/02/2018 05:16

Shit. You can only do this one day at a time. Sometimes one hour, or one minute.

You CAN do this. You WILL get through.

I'm so sorry

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 05:18

I always wondered if it was really true that people can vomit purely from emotional overload - it's true.

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 03/02/2018 05:20

Sadly yes, your body is in shock and that means lots of hormones rushing round your body

Peppermint is a soother and why people offer it as a tea

Allow people to look after you and accept people help

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 03/02/2018 05:21

It's absolutely true. It's the body expelling the stuff that the mind can't.

endofthelinefinally · 03/02/2018 05:47

I am so, so sorry.
I lost my son in horrific circumstances 18 months ago.
If there is anything I can say to help you through this, please pm me.
I found the support I got on the bereavement board saved my sanity.
Sending you love and sympathy.

endofthelinefinally · 03/02/2018 05:51

We had to go through the police investigation and post mortem too.
It takes time.
Try and rest, even if you can manage short naps that will help.
I found camomile tea soothing.
Try to eat if you can, just a little.

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 05:54

Time. Yes. I'm going to want to fix this quickly, tick jobs off a list. 'Tell parents. Tell bank. Cook dinner. Grieve.' It clearly doesn't work like that.

OP posts:

devondream · 03/02/2018 05:57

I am so sorry for you loss and the terrible schock you are experiencing.

As a child who lost a parent I wish someone had of done the following for me.

Basically talked about my mum often for years to come. We were not asked once how se felt or how we were doing. Dad remarried quickly and we were expected to not mention our mother.

Keep sharing fun memories of your husband with your DC.

Let his spirit live on and please ensure you find some psychological support for the kids and you.

Grief is a journey - a lifetime journey - but over times it becomes less painful and laughter will return. Until such a time take care of yourself and your little ones.

Bratsandtwats · 03/02/2018 05:58

MirandaWest · 03/02/2018 05:59

I’m so sorry for you x

endofthelinefinally · 03/02/2018 05:59

I know.
I felt the same.
If it helps, make a list.
Get a large note book or pad and a folder/ binder.
Write down everything as you think of it.
Doing this will give you back a sense of control.
Get a separate pad for funeral arrangements.
You cant action these things yet, but once you have written it down, it stops racing round your head.

SadieContrary · 03/02/2018 06:04

I'm so, so truly sorry OP. Carrying you in my heart x

Groovee · 03/02/2018 06:04

Thinking of you

endofthelinefinally · 03/02/2018 06:05

The coroner's assistant is the person who will keep you informed of what is happening.
Write their number down on your pad. You can ring them any time.
They will tell you when you can have an interim certificate to send to the bank etc.
Dont rush to inform everyone yet.
Just give your brain a little time to process.
You will keep forgetting things, so writing stuff down helps.

endofthelinefinally · 03/02/2018 06:08

People will want to help.
Ask them to bring food.
That was the most useful thing my friends and neighbours did for us.

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 06:10

Thank you so very much. Endof thank you for sharing your experience. All makes total sense.

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 03/02/2018 06:13

So so sorry to read this OP. Thinking of you.

AdaColeman · 03/02/2018 06:21

I'm so sorry to be reading this annandale.
Try to get through the day an hour or half an hour at a time, and try to eat and drink a little too, even though you don't feel like it.

Sending you my very kindest thoughts today.

ivykaty44 · 03/02/2018 06:25

I would actually suggest, keep drinking - don’t worry about food and everyone means well about little and often but don’t fret over it and drink plenty for 48 hours. Then you can possibly try drinking a mug of soup or something you fancy.

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