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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

The first day without DH

109 replies

annandale · 03/02/2018 05:06

Lying awake not really able to believe it. Dh was alive this time yesterday. Ds sleeping in the room with me.

Lots of people have offered help. Very confused about all the legalities, there has to be a post-mortem

I have to see his parents today

OP posts:

Middleoftheroad · 03/02/2018 08:20

So sorry for you and your DS

Katescurios · 03/02/2018 08:29

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

My mum committed suicide when I was 21, it was completely unexpected and there was no previous history of depression so it was incredibly hard to understand.

Let your friends and family help you as much as much as possible. Would any of them be willing to make the calls to notify family and friends?

Don't feel like you have to be strong for everyone else. If you need to sit and cry or scream or kick the heck out of a pillow then do it. Eat and drink when you can, its important to keep yourself well.

I really am so sorry.

blueskyinmarch · 03/02/2018 08:30

I am so sorry for your loss. Look after yourself.

CakeUpWall · 03/02/2018 08:30

So sorry, annandale.

DarthArts · 03/02/2018 13:11

I'm so sorry Annandale.

Try to keep hydrated - just keep a glass of water near you to sip on.

Eat if you can - even if it's just small bites now and again.

Just deal with one day, or even hour by hour at a time right now

myrtleWilson · 03/02/2018 17:26

Am so sorry Annandale - you've been in my thoughts.

I can't imagine the shock and numbness and whirlwind you must be caught up in - I hope seeing his parents went ok .

Be kind to yourself and DS - lean on your friends

Much love

DramaAlpaca · 03/02/2018 17:29

I'm so sorry for your loss

drinkswineoutofamug · 03/02/2018 18:09

Sorry for your loss x

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 19:26

Very tiring day even though not doing anything and I keep vomiting if I step outside boundaries, like going in a car. Seeing his parents was really awful, it was too far and being in the room where I've only ever been with Dh was so hard. Makes me dread going home even tho it long for it.

But amazing friends rallying round and for the first time it sort of feels doable, they keep saying 'we'll go with you' when I talk about the awful things I need to do. Means so much.

OP posts:

Rachie1986 · 03/02/2018 19:29

You have been in my thoughts today. Deep breaths, eat when you can when you can and accept help from everyone who offers. And we are always here to talk to if it helps xx

AdaColeman · 03/02/2018 19:40

I'm glad you've got plenty of support in RL annandale be sure to take all the help that's offered.

When my Dad died very suddenly I found the funeral director to be incredibly helpful and supportive, steering me though paperwork, meetings, planning timings of events, I hope you find someone like that too, as he took away so much of the worry and fretting about what to do next.

Kindest thoughts.

DarthArts · 03/02/2018 19:45

Glad to hear you've got some helpful RL support.

Don't be afraid to lean on your friends if you need help.

It's going to take to even start processing what's happened.

AmethystRaven · 03/02/2018 19:47

You're in my thoughts, sorry for your loss.

MadisonAvenue · 03/02/2018 19:52

I'm so sorry Annandale

I'm glad you have the support of wonderful friends.

BastardGoDarkly · 03/02/2018 19:57

Oh love, I'm so very sorry for your loss

glitterbiscuits · 03/02/2018 20:22

I have been thinking about you and your son today. I’m so very sorry. How is your son?

Original poster

annandale · 03/02/2018 21:17

I think he is OK. He's hanging with his best friend and his sister, it's great hearing them chat. Soon we're all going to watch a bit of Frasier. I washed up to David Bowie earlier. Bowie heals.

OP posts:

Miniminimus · 03/02/2018 23:26

Have been thinking about you and your son today. It must take such strength and resilience to keep functioning and you are finding that in yourself somehow. Taking comfort from the music; from small memories; from your DS's chatter is so positive. Sending practical and wishes your way.

NorthernLurker · 03/02/2018 23:39

So sorry to read this. We lost a friend to suicide a few months ago. It was and is terribly hard. I'm getting the impression that's what happened here and if so we found this booklet from the NHS very helpful. It talks about a lot of the things you may feel and whilst some are obvious, like anger, others are much less so such as searching for the person and thinking you see them everywhere. I had been thinking my brain was behaving very oddly till I read that.

Keel · 03/02/2018 23:56

Been thinking of you all day OP. Sending you and your son lots of love and strength x

LovingLola · 03/02/2018 23:58

Thinking of you and your son tonight.

rainbowruthie · 04/02/2018 00:04

So sorry for your loss - sending kindest thoughts to you

EfficiencyDeficiency · 04/02/2018 00:07

So sorry to hear this op. What a terrible shock.

There is absolutely no right or wrong way with how you deal with your emotions right now.
Do what you need to do to be strong ( ie sleep if you need to- anytime )

You sound like you have tons of support and I'm so glad about that.

Keeping you in my thoughts tonight x

celinequeen · 04/02/2018 00:28

echt · 04/02/2018 03:10

So sorry for your loss, annandale my DH died suddenly 19 months ago, so I can identify with some of your feelings. Glad you have RL support.

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