Least plausible lies your dcs have told

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

DD (3) 'No I haven't had an accident - it was DS, he did a wee on my bottom.'

DD1 scratched her name into the radiator in her bedroom. then told me the faries had done it when they came to collect her tooth. i couldn't tell her how i knew the fairies hadn't done it so she got away with it. it's still there today..

Asked DS2 what he had had to eat at a party - he thought for a second and then said seriously 'broccoli' - he was 5, so I knew from then he knew how to lie.... ( I went out of the room to ROFLOL)

that cat one made me laugh but then one that SSSSBTSS posted made me nearly wet myself - you wanna watch that one LOL

"A ghost did it"

yeah, right. Sure it did.

Can't remember any of dd's - but I do remember running away with 2 friends when I was about 7. We got quite a long way, over a road, up a big hill (we lived in the countryside) and back down a road. Probably a good 40 mins or so. We decided to go back after a bit and thought up the excellent excuse that we had been kidnapped by a man on a horse and that while he was tying up his horse (Dick Turpin style) we had managed to escape.

I do believe we didn't actually have the nerve to repeat this crap lie excellent excuse when we finally returned to our parents.

My dd tells me with her most serious face on that ALL the other children have SWEETS in their snack boxes at the after school club.

We were at a woodland nature reserve and on a table in the "exhibition hut" was a real birds nest with 3 tiny, blue, delicate eggs inside. Next to the nest was a sign "please do not touch".

Upon discovering that one of said eggs had been smashed, an elderly po-faced lady screeched "whoooo has done THIS"? (whilst waving frantically at the table). She then proceeded to ask each child present "did YOU do this? Did YOU do this"? (you get the picture).

When she got to ds (6 at the time) he shuffled his feet, looked a bit aghast but defiantly stared her in the eye and denied it vehemently. She carried on quizzing the rest of the kids and I choked as ds triumphantly turned his head to carry on his business with egg-yolk streaming down the side of his head

DD told me last summer that they had spent the day sunbathing in the playing field when I picked her up from school. She was very convincing- giving details like- 'all the girls were given bikinis and all the boys had shorts on, and we just lay in the field all day and didn't do any work.'

The problem was, this story got around and other children started telling their parents that was what they had done too. I think some parents may have started to believe them! lol

No it wasn't me it was the naughty fairy who drew on the wall. I TOLD her not to.

when my younger brother was potty training he did a big pooh in the middle of the hallway.

mum said - brother did you do this??
brother said....no trevor XXXXXX did it (trevor was a friend of my mums at the time)

he also rang trevor XXXXX (with a little help from me and dsis) on the phone (mum kept address book by phone) when trevor asked who is this? bro replied 'it's trevor XXXXXXX stupid - didn't you know???' amd put the phone down. This was in the days when there was no 1471 so when trevor came over and asked we all completely denied it!

I LOLed at the wrestling lessons, because DD1 told me a similar one: that she has skipping lessons at school. Halfway through the lesson they stop to eat strawberry laces and have a drink.

Some of dd2's:

I'm older than dd1. I AM!

DD1's hair bobbles/favourite cuddly/Barbie/pony/rug/dress/[insert object] appeared in my room by magic.

I'm the Queen of California.

A dog did a poo in dd's knickers once, apparently.

What a naughty dog.
Melpomene that reminds me of another regular one of dd (aged 3)'s - 'Can I go to school today please Mummy because I'm 4?'

The school ones reminded me of my friend whose ds used to come home and tell her he'd had chips and jelly for school dinner. Naturally she didn't believe him because who in their right mind would allow a 4 year old to choose whatever they wanted for lunch..... until she saw Jamie's School Dinners and realised this is in fact perfectly normal in British schools these days

"That's not a poo it's a sausage" - just now from DD1 (nearly 4)

Dd to explain the missing chocolates from my mother's day box of Thorntons.

"I did a big yawn and they all flew into my mouth"

You think they grow out of it?! At the end of year 6 my then 11 yr-old DD1 was complaining of having really hairy legs, so I told her she could have her legs waxed for the summer holidays. I told her what the beautician had said about how long the hair needed to be. Cue DD rolling down her socks to reveal completely smooth legs. "Those don't need waxing", says I. "On my gosh, it's a miracle. I swear they were hairy yesterday. I can't imagine how that happened. Maybe my socks rubbed the hairs off". Cue DD bursting into tears because she really wanted her legs waxed. Later that day, I found the offending tube of Veet... Little minx had been through my bathroom cupboard.

Macca Pacca is responsible for all the poos in our house according to DS and I thought he was such a clean little thing!

DD1: "I didn't hit my sister with a stick.....today.....yet".

My DS2 told his Reception teacher that in about week 3 of being at school that he used to have a sister but she had been eaten by a pig.

The teacher was so worried that DS2 was traumatised she actually once asked me about it in that 'very concerned' voice that teachers have.

DS loves to lie blatantly. He'll come in from the other room specifically to tell me "I did not chase the cat, mummy". the other day he did a resounding fart while sitting on the sofa with us both, and then announced "That was not my farty bum. It was Daddy's."

When I was 2 I carefully put a spoonful of pasta hoops onto the top of my baby sister's bald head as she sat in her highchair. Then claimed she had done it herself.

But LadyGlencora, yours remins me of when my mum was a secondary school teacher and a boy at her school was skiving off, so he wanted to arrange a fake excuse. He phoned the school, put on a deep voice and said: "Hello Miss - it's me dad. Darren is ill."

Doh!

'the hot water bear peed in my bed and hid under the cupboard' when queried about the wet patch on the bed

'i didn't push [ds] but he got away from my dolls house' when queried as to why ds was flat on his back and crying

'mommy said i could have x' to dp when i'm standing in the same room and he heard me say no in no uncertain terms

'[ds] scratched me, i didn't pick the kitten up' while having what were very obviously cat scratches plastered up

Not as creative as others, but very recent and very blatant. First thing this morning - DD, have you just put nailvarnish on? DD (pink fingered and reeking of acetone) - No. Perfect straight face.

Ds (2) doesn't yet understand creative lying to get himself out of situations (apart from 'have you done a poo?' 'NO') but regularly tells me that he's done things/eaten things that aren't true.

E.g.
Picked him up from nursery yesterday.
Me: 'what did you do today?'
Ds: 'played with the playdo and talked on the phone.'

Key worker is shaking her head and mouthing 'glueing and sticking' at me over his head .

DP's Aunt used to be a nanny - her long-term charge (now grown up) told all her school friends thatshe had a brother. THey wanted to know his name, she told them DP's name. It was obviously quite convincing though, because they all wanted to meet him, so she told them he was killed in a car crash.
To this day DP is known as her dead brother

Roffling at "it's me dad"