Least plausible lies your dcs have told

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

DD (3) 'No I haven't had an accident - it was DS, he did a wee on my bottom.'

At my 6th birthday party, my mum bought a musical cake stand that played Happy Birthday whilst the cake revolved. When my friends asked how the cake did that, my dad told them that mum had baked the tune into the cake - it was a secret recipe.

In the next week, no word of a lie, we had THREE of my friends' parents knocking on our door to get the "new cake recipe" from my mum...

I once found my toddler chewing something. "What are you eating?" I demanded. She replied: " Toothpaste"

me: have you done a wee on the floor?
DD: no!
me: OK, who did the wee?
DD: my bottom fell off and did it.

me: what was that noise? (after DD let rip a loud fart and was giggling)
DD: the duck
me: what duck?
DD: I stamped on it

she's 2.4yrs

I found some writing on the coffee tale the other day. It said "DS1 is a poo"

(obviously DS1's name )

So I said to DS2 "I wonder who wrote that?"

DS2: not me

Me: Errrr.. who else would have written that?

DS2: DS3?

(yes - blaming the baby again )

Picture the sceene - ds1 on the computer in the kitchen, I came downstairs from the loo ....

Me "Ds1, why are there broken eggs all over the kitchen floor?"

ds1 "Er, I don't know. Maybe ... maybe a burguler did come in to burgle the computer, and he did get hungry but the eggs were on top of the biscuit tin and when the burguler did take the lid off to get the biscuits all the eggs did roll off onto the floor so the burguler runned away"

me "And tht's what happened, is it?"

ds1 "Um. I'm sorry mummy."

ds1 hasn't worked it out yet.

me "did ds2 fall over, ds1, or did you push him?"

ds1 (looks thoughtful) "he falled over, mummy, because I pushed him..."

I once went into my dd's room to get them up at half 7 and they were covered in lipstick they had red all over their faces and arms and legs when i asked dd (nearly 4) what happened she calmly explained that dd1 (just turned 2) had climbed out of her cot through the bars went to the bathroom climbed onto the toilet and went in my make up bag got my lipstick and covered herself and dd1 in the lipstick all while dd1 was still apperently sleeping then climbed back into her cot while saying this dd1 was standing next to dd2's cot with the lipstick in her hand

my dd 2.5 told everyone she had been given beer at her playgroup christmas party

dd2 tells people that she used to be called Enid.

Any particular reason Boco?

I have no idea at all. She sounds quite plausible when she tells people. But she has never ever been called Enid.

My dd 5 told me her classmate is allergic to dogfood.

LOL at these

When my DD was at kindergarten aged 4 we were having a massive problem with her not eating lunch.

One day she came out and told me she'd eaten all her lunch that day, I asked (pleasantly surprised) what it had been and she said cheese on toast. What for the whole school? I replied. Yes, their oven was broken.

Whilst DC in ballet lesson one of the other mums said, ergh apparently lunch was gross today. Me, Cheese on toast? Mother looked at me strangely and told me it had been mince and potatoes of some kind.

That was the first time I realised I'd been had. Am not quite so easily taken in nowadays!

(I forgot to mention there are 300 pupils at DD's school)

am PMSL here

ds1 now 10 used to come out with some corkers

"The pirates chopped my leg off after making me walk the plank but Grandad bought me a new one" he was 5 then

Me "DS1 did you put the drink carton in the bin like i asked?"
DS1 "Yes mummy"
ME" then why is it still where you left it with the drink still in it like it was last night?"
DS1 "Oh mummy it wasn't me Alfie must have brought it back in"
hmmmm Very very clever cat managed to take a cup drink out of the bin, carry it into the living room, jump onto the table put it down in the same spot and not spill a drop.

Me "ds1 did you cut the straps of my new trainers?"
DS1 "No mummy why would i?"
Me "well someone has"
DS1 "Well maybe alfie did it"
Me " hmmm ds1 i don't think so, so i will ask you again did you do it?"
DS1 no mummy it wasn't me I promise, it was probably daddy"

I do wish men would stop doing things like this lol

And when my older brother started school he had Sausage in fish for lunch

he meant sausage in batter, but we had never had them and only had fish in batter so he had a sausage in fish.

I remember when I was 5 an had to start wearing glasses, i hated the ones i had so i broke them and blamed a girl in the class i hated, she got in trouble and when my mum collected me from school she asked me how the girl had broken them, i looked at her straight faced and said "It was easy mummy I went like this" and showed her how i had snapped them in half...ooppss

TLES pmsl

dd2 is only 2.1 but so michevious, she'll bite her own arm and run to me and say dd1 name with big tears falling down her cheeks and sobbing, I would have believed her except dd1 was at preschool

dd1 at 4.6 apparently doesnt keep getting out of bed after we've left the room its the elderly neghbour next door being very noisy

Also told my Mum and Dad that dh was nasty to mummy and locked her in the bathroom and wouldnt let me out, I had been trying to have a bath in peace and had locked the door, dh was talking to me from the landing excet because the door was shut he was talking loudly, it took some explaining to my parents

ROFL at daddy locking mummy inthe bathroom!

DS: "It wasn't me, I did not draw on the couch"

Shame that the wee man that he drew is instantly recognisable as his artwork.

I can't go to school, my legs are not working.

ROFL at "It's me Dad". Not the brightest pupil in school.

DD (3) : I'm not saying fcking!
me: Yes you are, you just did. Don't say it.
DD: I'm not saying fcking!

When my little sister was about 4 or 5 (and I was about 11 or 12), she ran downstairs and told my mother I had pushed her off my bed......totally untrue.

Not a particularly creative or amusing lie but my mother believed her, lost her temper, ran up the stairs and gave me a couple of pretty good swipes with my riding crop!!

This was a quarter of a century ago and I'm still resentful!!

I love these!

I'm a teacher and after the holidays I always ask the kids what they got up to and we share news. Last Easter one usually very honest little girl (aged 8) told me and the rest of the class that they went on holiday to Lanzarote with another family. So far so plausible, until she told me that the Mummy of the other family didn't know she was pregnant but suddenly gave birth to a baby by the swimming pool. Cue incredulous looks from other kids. Try broaching that one with Mummy at home time!