Least plausible lies your dcs have told

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

DD (3) 'No I haven't had an accident - it was DS, he did a wee on my bottom.'

ROFL cupofteaplease

Perhaps not lies, but an overactive imagination...

When DD was about 3 she decided that she was lonely in bed at night because Mummy and Daddy shared a room and her 2 other siblings shared, but she was on her own. So she invented a whole army of animals and minibeasts from the garden who used to climb the drainpipe and squeeze through a tiny imaginary hole in the wall that only she could see. They'd then climb into her bed, where they'd grow big enough to cuddle her and keep her company. For quite a while her favourite friend was a white rabbit. No problem there then. But then for some reason the rabbit left and her special secret bedtime friend was a worm. A pink worm who wasn't slimey but was cuddly and warm.

We tried to keep very very calm and matter of fact, and just hoped she wouldn't continue to elaborate.....

Thankfully, the worm phase passed without alerting any suspicious nursery teachers, and she moved onto hairy spiders and then more conventional bears.

Big sigh of relief.

My 5year old told his Sunday school teacher I had wings but nobody could see them as I kept them under my jumper!

He also managed to convince me that he was allowed to wear his new bright red trainers with his sheep costume for the Christmas play this year as "all the sheep had to be cheerful!! " ( am I a bad mother for falling for this one as all the other 'sheep' had their regular school shoes on!?)

However, One of my sisters twins at the age of 5 told her teacher that her mummy had had another baby but nobody had seen it as she kept it in a cupboard!!!

Oh and I cut my sister's hair with nail scissors when she was 3 and I was 6. I was clearly never cut out to be a hairdresser, and my attempts to get it straight left her with little more than stubble for a fringe.

The misdemeanor was exacerbated......I blamed it on my granny as we'd just spent a weekend at theirs. Mum was furious and things were icy between them for a long while.

I once got in the bathroom and horror, the walls and ceilling where platered with pink balls of toilet paper.

According to Ds3 (5yo), it is DD4, (2.4yo) who climbed on the sink to wet toilet paper and then threw it on the ceilling!

In a posh restaurant, took ds to the ladies loo where I stood and waited with him in the cubicle....ds shouts "Mum! I've just seen your bottom and it made my eyes water"... manic giggles from the ladies who were queueing up outside. Then the "walk of shame" getting through said queue back to our table

Kaytee you've just reminded me of being in the loo with ds in a supermarket. I needed to go too and when I was he piped up with "mum, why don't ladies have willies?" and proceeded to machine-gun questions at me regarding that part of my anatomy. I could hear the sniggers outside the cubicle and when we walked out there were two women who were literally bent double over the sinks almost crying with laughter.

DSS is blamed atleast once every day by DS2 (4yo). Everything from

DS2 eating a biscuit he has pinched from the cupboatd - "DS2 who said you could have a biscuit" "Henry did Mummy"

"DS2 did you draw on your bedroom wall with Daddy's black marker pen?" "No Mummy Henry did" (while stood there with pen on face, arms and legs and a pen shape lump down his sock)

potentially plausible except DSS is 13 ives with his Mum and comes to visit approx once a month!!!

Kaytee - Fantastic!

I was in a changing room with my DS when he was 2.5. I was trying on a dress and he shouted 'Mummy, I can see your pink boobies. Oh no! Now your boobies have fallen on the floor'. He confused bras with boobs.....honest!

I am sure he's told some fantastic whoppers but I can't think of any. He did tell us that he saw a rat at school and that he had kicked the rat when it tried to run towards him. Obviously we didn't believe him. However, that one turned out to be true! The rat is a regular visitor to the school and it is not scared of the kids. It tried to run in DS's direction and he walloped it! We felt like bad parents as we managed to convinced him that he had made it up .

Not sure which is funnier, the whoppers DD tells on the way home in the car or the way DS swallows them.

DD (2.5) - Its not nice to knock your house down
DS (4) - No its not
DD - Grandad knocked my house down
DS - Mummy, M says Grandad has knocked the house down!
Me - I think she means a pretend house, don't worry about it
DS - M, do you mean a pretend house?
DD - No, Grandad knocked my REAL house all down. Hes not kind.
DS (getting panicky) - Mummy she said he knocked our REAL house down!!!!
Me (pulling into driveway) - Heres our house, look its fine.
DS - Oh. I thought Grandad had knocked it down.

Me, 7, little bro, 5. Found 2 packs of 20 fags in the room our cousin had been staying in after he'd gone. Shut ourselves into my room and smoked the lot. Didn't know how to put them out after a couple of drags on each so dumped them in the basin in the corner with tap on low. Little bro says "I feel sick, get mum". I run downstairs and get mum.

Mum opens bedroom door, takes in smoke filled room and basin full of wet fag butts and says "You've been smoking". We say "No, we haven't". Really thought she'd believe that one.

It's strange what suspicious minds mums have, isn't it Jux. I can't imagine what made her leap to such a wild conclusion!

My dc's aren't as imaginative as some on here.

But I remember when ds2 was 1 and ds1 was 4, ds 1 was crying. When I asked ds1 what had happened he replied 'I think he trapped his fingers in the door....or I might have trapped them for him...'

My mum's bloody clever as we learnt to our cost that day, Stayingsunnygirl!

Tiny Clanger once hoodwinked her entire class, including the teacher, into believing that she was in fact the little blonde French girl from the Petit Filous adverts that were on a few years ago. I have never quite lived it down.

My brother used to claim to be the baby on the Pampers box.

.

I asked my son who made that hole in the corner of the windowsill and wall. I dont know, maybe it was a bogler who came in and used daddy's new pen.

Woret would have to be DB who used to come home from nursery for weeks covered in cuts and bruises when asked about it would say that a boy called Annie did it. Mum promptly went into the nursery furious at their lack of control over the children to be toled that there was no boy there called annie and that DB was a very clumsy child. Which is still true to this day and he's now a father himself and 21!! However when quizzed about it he still blames annie. we may have believed the nursery were lying if it wasn't for the fact that annie started to do naughty things at home like eating all the chocolate out of DB advent calender.

latest one - from DS1..........

"no mumm I wasn't up playing on the computer in the middle of the night"

ermm right - that's why I was fast asleep in bed upstairs while apparently playing on car games online...............at 3am (the joys on an internet history )

I can't get passed Sparklyheartlust's DD 'peep'o-ing out of Mummy's fluffy' to her colleague

OMG am crying

By MadamDeathstare on Sat 21-Feb-09 13:17:30
The DTDs had to provide information for their nursery school teachers to put in the Mother's Day cards.

So DTD2's card came home with the sentences
"My mother's name is MadamDeathStare, she is 72 years old and she is a worker who makes umbrellas".

This was actually an improvement on DTD1's card which said "My mother looks her prettiest when she takes off her jammas and puts on clean clothes".

I love this one and from now on, when I see MadamDeathstare's name I will be seeing a wizened umbrella-maker

Oh this one is a classic!!!

DP collected ds1 10yrs from school yesterday and as usual bought him a chocolate bar and a milkshake..cos he knows i don't allow him to have them..

anyway he also bought me a snicker and ds2 17m a kitkat

so ds1 eats his on way home ds2 has 1 finger of kitkat and i leave the rest on the side..
its gone this morning so

ME: ds1 did you eat ds2;s chocolate

ds1: No mum, i thought about it but i couldn't find it but the wrapper turned up in my room, dad or ds2 must have put it there........

errrrrrrrrr while they were asleep?

DS's first year in his new junior school age 7. Asked to write about Christmas at home. "We don't have Christmas dinner in our house" he wrote, "all we do is stuff our faces with crisps and chocolate and sweets"! This gets pinned up on the wall with all the other offerings as part of the display for parents' evening. We are forced to stand there and watch everyone read it!

I have been chortling about peep-o out of Mummy's fuffy for days now.