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Original poster

Least plausible lies your dcs have told

156 replies

Kathyis6incheshigh · 13/02/2009 16:56

DD (3) 'No I haven't had an accident - it was DS, he did a wee on my bottom.'

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Stayingsunnygirl · 20/02/2009 09:53

Ds1 once told us that ds2 was responsible for the line of crayon drawn right the way down the stairs - as if a small boy had walked down the stairs trailing a crayon along the wall. He maintained his story until we took the pair of them to the staircase and showed him that, even with a crayon in his hand, ds2 couldn't reach the line!

But the most implausible lie they tell - that has to be, "Yes mum - I have tidied my bedroom."

Stayingsunnygirl · 20/02/2009 09:54

Oh and dh once told MIL that dbil had scratched his name into the furniture - unfortunately dbil was only a year old at the time.

steppemum · 20/02/2009 10:05

When I was about 6 my brother fell through the window in the front door and cut his arm and had to go to hospital. The lady over the road saw it and gave him a huge box of maltesers, such as we NEVER we allowed. The next morning half of them had been eaten. My second brother swore it wasn't him and blamed me. I got told off and it was forever assumed it was me.

When I was about 13 I was home alone and cooked myself dinner. I used the frying pan and got it too hot and put it down on the brand new formica surface. The surface bubbled and blistered, and made a mess. I swore black was white that I hadn't been near it at all. My mum went back to the company who sold them the kitchen and made them replace the work surface (a huge piece)

When I was about 25 we were sitting and talking one Christmas late at night over a bottle of wine, and we both confessed to the crimes. Both caused equal amount of gasps of outrage and laughter in the family, but I've always felt sorry for the kitchen people....ga

MayorNaze · 20/02/2009 10:08

dds wrote his name on the carpet in crayon when he was 5 and insisted it was dd. the fact that she was 2 and therefore would have had dificulty writin her own name, let alone anyone elses...

just yesterday a fruitshoot healthy drink disappeared off the kitchen side.

"did you take it dd2?"

"no. it not me. it hidden in my bed. you not find it there."

she is 2.8

LucyEllensmummy · 20/02/2009 10:31

My dog is often blamed for stuff that happens in this house!

But then she has a habit of asking the dog if both mummy and daddy say no "but bob said yes" Did he indeed!!

LucyEllensmummy · 20/02/2009 10:33

Staying sunny, what is even funnier is that when you say to them "so if i go up there and check, it will be tidy" they say yes My DD sTILL does this - she is 18!

christiana · 20/02/2009 11:09

Message withdrawn

Stayingsunnygirl · 20/02/2009 12:16

You're so right, LucyEllensmummy!! Is it delusional behaviour, or some sort of selective blindness, do you think?

SparkyFartDust · 20/02/2009 12:25

Christiana- that brings back memories:

Me: What did you do at nursery?

DD1: Nothing! They (staff) made us lie down and suck our thumbs all day.

christiana · 20/02/2009 12:44

Message withdrawn

CompareTheMeerkat · 20/02/2009 12:48

I am starting to worry a little abtou DS and DD who never seem to come up with anything as imaginative as these

FiveGoMadInDorset · 20/02/2009 12:50

After something broke

DD: Bastian did it

referring to her brother who was 3 months at the time

mileniwmffalcon · 20/02/2009 13:01

on dd1's first day at nursery they apparently "hit each uvvier with sticks" all day

this thread has given me such a laugh, i particularly love the sister eaten by a pig, "i think you did do it mummy" and the innocence of "it hidden in my bed. you not find it there"

angelene · 20/02/2009 13:19

Yesterday DD was trying to shoo DH out of the kitchen after she saw the chocolate buttons on the worktop (she has a horrible eye infection and they are being used as bribes):

DH: "Don't you steal the chocolate buttons now"
DD: "I'm not stealing them Daddy, I'm just SMELLING them"

parkj83 · 20/02/2009 21:13

DS (5.9) yelled for me when he was in the bath. He's got blood running from a cut under his nose.

Said the rubber duck did it

Checked said duck, couldn't even cut my finger on it.

Couldn't see anything out of the ordinary which he could cut himself on, and presumed he just scratched himself.

Chatted to the child-minder a couple of days later, she mentioned the cut looked like a razor blade slice.

Oh yeah!

Quizzed DS about it, and he sheepishly admitted to it (forgot I had left my old style Venus razor on the side, looked like a Veet razor)

And when DS was 3.5, DH walked in on DS scribbling on brand new 32" LCD TV with purple wax crayon.

DS jumps out of his skin, and promptly blames the dog

drlove8 · 20/02/2009 21:39

ds4 was getting potty trained...... i found a "present of the brown type" in a corner hidden behind a toy. me- "ds4 did you do that?" ds4-" it was david "(ds1, teenaged). ds4 wets the bed- "it was david", toilet suddenly has mountain of loo roll emerging from the bowl -" it was david"! ,

Twims · 21/02/2009 01:03

"DS jumps out of his skin, and promptly blames the dog"

Love it

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 21/02/2009 03:40

Many years ago, my brother had just learned to write his name. Mysteriously, his name was scratched into the family piano by our younger sister.

SoupDragon · 21/02/2009 08:39

I once asked DS1, when we were alone, whether he had written the F word in the dust on top of the TV [slovenly]. He denied it but 1) it was in his handwriting and 2) miraculously, the top of the TV was dusted when I looked a short while later

A friend (and fellow MNer) once phoned up after she'd been round with her children to comment on the "funny but very rude song" my DSs had apparently taught hers. I quizzed DSs later to see where they'd picked it up from (out of curiosity) and they told me all about a song the friend's DS had taught them which went something like "Fck fck chicken..." By all accounts, the other boy looked rather sheepish when his mum mentioned it to him.

Nabster · 21/02/2009 08:44

DD said DS1 hit her.

DS1 wasn't even in the room.

Nabster · 21/02/2009 08:53

I wish I had read the thread before I posted. Mine is boring,

parachutes · 21/02/2009 08:57

Funniest "lie" was actually told by my cousin many years ago: our uncle was staying with them and cousin was only little, about 7'ish I think, and uncle was sleeping in his bedroom on spare bed.
We heard lots of noise the next morning and uncle came downstairs with three lines of black marker drawn perfectly across his forehead, cousin of course "nothing to do with me!"

BoffinMum · 21/02/2009 09:11

DD (14)

"It is not a real tattoo, it is a new kind of tattoo which is semi-permanent and washed off after 6 weeks like some hair dyes".

I believed her for 6 weeks.

rosmerta · 21/02/2009 09:24

Ds1 (3) has been talking a lot about Martin from nusery lately, 'Martin didn't like his lunch today & wouldn't try it', 'Martin made a mess when he spilled the glitter' & so on. I asked the nursery about it, there's no Martin but funnily enough these are things that ds1 has done himself!

I wonder when he will cotton on to blaming ds2?!

cupofteaplease · 21/02/2009 10:12

Ok, this isn't my own child, but a boy in my class at school. He is 6.

He brought a new hat into school for show and tell.

Me: Well, that is a lovely hat. Where did you get it from?

Boy: Weeeell. It used to me my Grandad's in the war, but the Germans took it from my Grandad and killed him and put the hat in the charity shop and that's where my mum found it. The very same hat.

Me: Ok then! Thanks for that- moving on...