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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude or not?

102 replies

MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:22

Went out for dinner with 3 work colleages the other night. One of them is quite a good friend, the other two I am not as close with, yet we get on very well.

Just before food was served, one of them said " fancy a fag" and all 3 of them got up, went outside and left me sitting there on my own.

Now, I didn't mind too much - I am a grown up and don't need someone to sit with me all the time just, in case I get lonely, but it did strike me as a bit rude.

What do you think? Was it rude, or am I being a bit touchy

OP posts:
Carmenere · 04/07/2008 21:22

It is rude

SqueakyPop · 04/07/2008 21:23

It's rude

SorenLorensen · 04/07/2008 21:23

They're addicts - they can't help themselves (thus speaks this holier-than-thou ex-smoker).

unknownrebelbang · 04/07/2008 21:23

rude.

Hecate · 04/07/2008 21:23

I don't think it's rude. It was just a fag break (so to speak).

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2008 21:23

Yes, it's rude. Of course it is. But a smoker is an addict and like all addicts really only cares about getting that urge seen to.

I used to smoke like a demon. I loved smoking. But this is extremely discourteous behaviour of your colleagues. What would they do if they were with a client? I'd make sure they knew how to behave better.

2shoes · 04/07/2008 21:23

it is rude to leave you sitting all on your own. but then one would have had to not have a fag.

lilyloo · 04/07/2008 21:24

Yes is rude
my 3 friends smoke but they usually try to alternate going out for a cigarette so as i don't end up sitting their like billy no mates.

windygalestoday · 04/07/2008 21:24

rude rude rude even ignorant tbh

PeaMcLean · 04/07/2008 21:24

Rude. Didn't they say anything about you being left on your own?

Saymyname · 04/07/2008 21:24

Yes it's rude. My friend does this to me all the time when we go out to restaurants just the two of us. As others have said though, she's an addict, that comes before manners.

Original poster
MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:28

Yes lilyloo,
had I been in their position I think I would have staggered it so that there wasn't some poor sod sitting on their own looking abandoned.

Pleased however that so many of you think it's rude.Because it is

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 04/07/2008 21:28

I presume you would prefer that they go outside to smoke rather than smoke in front of you? If you insist on smokers leaving the building to smoke, it's a bit much to complain when they do just that.

Yes, maybe they could have done rotated but, since there were 3 of them, someone would have been standing outside on their own. At least you were sitting indoors in comfort.

YAB a little bit U

MsHighwater · 04/07/2008 21:29

could have rotated

Saymyname · 04/07/2008 21:29

Presume the smoking ban is what forced them outside MrsH, not the OP

Original poster
MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:30

Yes,PeaMclean, they did say something along the lines of "you don't mind if we go out do you?" this being said as they were out of their chairs and half way towards the door.

OP posts:
PeaMcLean · 04/07/2008 21:30

Does MrsSylar insist on people leavin the building though? She hasn't said anything of her opinion of smokers, just that she'd rather not be left on her own. She may be very tolerant.

Original poster
MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:36

I deliberately didn't mention my views on smoking as I felt they weren't relevant.I am not cross with them for smoking. In fact I am not really cross with them. They are my friends and I like them. However, your friends can often do things that you wouldn't, and I think in their position I would have felt it bad manners to leave someone sitting on their own.

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 04/07/2008 21:37

I am talking about the smoking ban. I am assuming (correct me if I'm wrong, MrsS) that the OP approves of it. If so, I reckon you have to take the rough with the smooth.

Divastrop · 04/07/2008 21:37

as a smoker myself,in that same situation i would have declined and not gone for a fag if it meant somebody would have been left on their own.

did they all go to the loo together as well?

Original poster
MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:41

Ms highwater, I can't see how my views on the smoking ban are relevant. What if I am a heavy smoker who has temporarily given up due to pregnancy? What if I am a passionate anti smoker? My attitudes to smoking have no bearing on their behaviour

OP posts:
littlelapin · 04/07/2008 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce · 04/07/2008 21:44

very rude

FAQ · 04/07/2008 21:44

it's rude and I'm a smoker.

Saymyname · 04/07/2008 21:44

MrsH, you do realise MrsS wasn't singlehandedly responsible for bringing in the smoking ban, don't you? Whether she agrees with it or not is irrelevant, it wasn't her that forced them outside, it was the ban.