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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is this rude or not?

102 replies

MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:22

Went out for dinner with 3 work colleages the other night. One of them is quite a good friend, the other two I am not as close with, yet we get on very well.

Just before food was served, one of them said " fancy a fag" and all 3 of them got up, went outside and left me sitting there on my own.

Now, I didn't mind too much - I am a grown up and don't need someone to sit with me all the time just, in case I get lonely, but it did strike me as a bit rude.

What do you think? Was it rude, or am I being a bit touchy

OP posts:
littlelapin · 04/07/2008 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BibiThree · 04/07/2008 21:47

rude. indeed.

bluewolf · 04/07/2008 21:52

its shit to leave you on your own. Some kind of relay-smoke would've been better

Elasticwoman · 04/07/2008 21:54

I am a bit worried about the food. Was it served while they were outside smoking? If so, that was very rude to the chef as well as very rude to the OP.

You don't go out for dinner with some one and then abandon them.

Original poster
MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:57

Lol Elasticwoman! You will be relieved to hear the food was fine, and served just after they returned! The chef didn't suffer any trauma

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 04/07/2008 22:01

Phew, that's a relief.

mollymawk · 04/07/2008 22:02

Goodness me, astonishingly rude

JudyJones · 04/07/2008 22:02

I'm with MrsH - this is the one tiny downside to the smoking ban, whoever bought it in. In this case, a relay would have meant one of them was standing outside alone, which is usually far more unpleasant than sitting inside at a table alone. And you could have shuffled outside with them, if you were that bothered?

Standing outside having a fag was the BEST social outlet ... though I think it was actually the raging nicotine addiction that meant I wouldn't have given a second thought to who was left at the table/bar/desk...

Miaou · 04/07/2008 22:02

Very rude. I would have been paranoid that they were all out there discussing my outfit/choice of food/husband

yvonnek · 04/07/2008 22:03

i would only say it wasn't rude if you had a windown seat and they all stood outside blowing raspberries on the window

greenelizabeth · 04/07/2008 22:04

It's rude but it happens all the time. Smokers are unable to put anything before a craving for a fag. They know rationally that it's rude, but they push that niggly truth aside long enough to have the fag. That is what really matters.

unknownrebelbang · 04/07/2008 22:04

I disagree JudyJ - one could have stayed outside twice as long, whlst the other two took it in turn to have a fag.

MsHighwater · 04/07/2008 22:23

Thank you JudyJones.

saymyname and littlelapin, I didn't suggest that the OP was responsible for the smoking ban. However, if you approve of it, you must accept what goes with it which is that smokers will leave the building to go out and smoke. I am not, I don't think, getting "snippy". The OP is posting in AIBU. I don't think it was particularly rude of her friends to go outside and smoke. If you are out for a meal and cannot smoke in the building, there are only so many opportunities to go outside and smoke without leaving your food to go cold on the table. Not really surprising, then, that they all went at the same time.

As JudyJones pointed out, one of the smokers would likely have had to be outside on his/her own since there were 3 of them. But apparently that's OK.

(I'm an ex-smoker, btw)

Saymyname · 04/07/2008 22:28

Why would one on the smokers have to have gone out alone? Three colleagues, one OP - two could have gone out and the other one stayed with the OP. Then the most nicotine depraved one could have gone out again with the remaining one.

Desiderata · 04/07/2008 22:29

Nope! Not rude at all. You could have gone out and joined them.

MsPontipine · 04/07/2008 22:33

Exactly Desiderata. They smoke so they had to go outside - no choice. You don't smoke. You had 2 choices - stay inside on your own or join them outside where the cool people are.

Desiderata · 04/07/2008 22:37

It all goes to prove that us smokers are life's funny people. That's why you all miss us so much when we go outside for a fag

And ironically, we're the people getting all the fresh air these days ...

MsPontipine · 04/07/2008 22:37

(BTW I really don't mean the last bit - I am an ex heavy smoker and I now hate being anywhere near smokers - smoking's vile and there's a pretty good chance it'll kill you - however - your mates were on a night out and have no choice these days - us non-smokers have driven them outside to keep our inside air clean and smoke-free so let's not moan when they go!)

Saymyname · 04/07/2008 22:37

Actually, that's true - OP, you could have gone with them and stood downwind of them.

Saymyname · 04/07/2008 22:38

Downwind? Upwind? You know what I mean, stood out of the way of the smoke.

Desiderata · 04/07/2008 22:39

Yep, smoking might kill you.

Life definitely kills you.

mrsruffallo · 04/07/2008 22:46

Non-smokers die everyday

greenelizabeth · 04/07/2008 22:48

Smokers are life's sheep imo. Wtf did they take up smoking in the first place?!

Amphibimum · 04/07/2008 22:49

wether rude or not, tis weird to leave one fo you sat there like a lemon, no? bizarro

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2008 22:52

Yes, life kills. (Makes me think of mugs at places of work that say, "You don't have to be mad to work here but it helps!")

Dying of smoking related diseases like emphysema (slowly suffocating) or lung cancer is very grim. I know you can get these without smoking but there are direct links to smoking and there are better ways of dying, I think. But that's an aside.

Why should the OP step outside? She'd gone out for dinner not to stand outside with smokers. It's basic bad manners to leave one person alone at the table so that the others can go and puff on stick outside. They should have done a relay.