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Original poster

is this rude or not?

102 replies

MrsSylar · 04/07/2008 21:22

Went out for dinner with 3 work colleages the other night. One of them is quite a good friend, the other two I am not as close with, yet we get on very well.

Just before food was served, one of them said " fancy a fag" and all 3 of them got up, went outside and left me sitting there on my own.

Now, I didn't mind too much - I am a grown up and don't need someone to sit with me all the time just, in case I get lonely, but it did strike me as a bit rude.

What do you think? Was it rude, or am I being a bit touchy

OP posts:
MsHighwater · 05/07/2008 00:28

I rest my case.

colditz · 05/07/2008 01:08

nothing to do with smoking, everything to do with it being rude to fuck off and leave your mate sitting on her own. They could and should have done a relay.

muggglewump · 05/07/2008 01:24

Crikey!
I'm a recent ex smoker and thought first off the OP was touchy. Now I see they didn't all have to go together but that's what smokers do.
I find it weird that somkers are refferred to constantly as addicts though, I know it's true, it's just the way it's said like they're outcasts or something.

colditz · 05/07/2008 12:02

It's not that they are outcasts, it's that they display addict-typical behavior. No way would they have got up and left their friend on her own for any other reason - the majority of people are just not that selfcentred - but for the beloved cigarette, a smoker will do a LOT that they wouldn't normally do ... scrounging from complete strangers, missing entire coffee breaks to stand in the rain, gobbling lunch to get 10 minutes standing in sleet, doing overtime they wouldn't otherwise need to do ... you can't tell me that's normal behavior. It isn't.

And I know, I did it for 10 years.

Hulababy · 05/07/2008 12:04

Yes, definitely rude to leave one member of the group sat on their own.

If they really did ned a cigarette breajk then they could have done it in shifts so as to avoid one person being left alone for 10 minutes or more.

Saymyname · 05/07/2008 12:11

I'm not convinced that every smoker is addicted to the same extent, personally.

I smoked for ten years and could happily go for a couple of days without smoking, but I couldn't give up altogether - I was definitely addicted.

Some of the comments on this thread make it sound as though these "addicts" heads would have exploded had they been denied their fix that very instance.

I wouldn't want to be on a team with someone who was so incapable of denying themselves a cigarette for, what 2 or 3 hours?

My point is, I guessm, I expect at least one of them could have held on for the sake of manners.

colditz · 05/07/2008 12:14

I was well and truly hooked, saymyname, I had to smoke within 20 minutes of getting up and I smoked 20 a day.

Saymyname · 05/07/2008 12:19

I understand that there are people like that Colditz - but I'm just saying I'm wondering if all three of them are that bad? They must be shitty colleagues if they have to constantly keep going out for a fag.

Bumperlicious · 05/07/2008 12:57

Rude rude rude

soopermum1 · 05/07/2008 15:58

'tis rude, and i speak from the point of view of a smoker. as many have suggested, they could have done a relay type thing. also, i don't really see the big deal about going out for a smoke alone.

flubdub · 05/07/2008 16:24

its rude. dp does it to me in pubs, restaurants etc. its rude.

VictorianSqualor · 05/07/2008 16:32

Rude, as LL said what if they were making a phone call? Or all off to the toilet?

What should ahve happened is someone say 'oh, I'll wait til you get back so OP isn't left here on her own'
And then OP say' Oh, no it's fine, you go'

(because that's so terribly British we wouldn't expect them to wait just want someone to offer)

jojosmaman · 05/07/2008 17:04

rude and I can't believe how anyone can say otherwise??!! Its not about the smoking, its about leaving one person on their own when its not necessary. If this was me and my group of friends, one would have definatley said "i'll go next time" and let two go. Also, the point here is that the OP is left alone doing nothing, if a smoker had to go outside alone then they would have something to do, ie smoke!

FWIW, I was against the smoking ban as I knew this would happen. All kinds of fun happens outside with the smoking gang, when its warm I go outside with them and breathe in their smoke (mmmmmm.... ex social smoker btw, its the next best thing)

MrsTiddles · 05/07/2008 17:46

Its rude.

MsHighwater · 05/07/2008 22:24

Saymyname, the OP didn't say anything about them "constantly" going out. She only said that they went out all together. What did she say that indicated she is referring to more than one incident.

As for "having to", the OP herself was clear that she "didn't mind too much". Clearly, it was evident to her colleagues that she was eminently reasonable, grown-up and perfectly able to sit by herself for a few minutes while they went outside to engage in their perfectly legal habit (which also contributes significantly to the exchequer).

Good for her, too.

ChoChoSan · 09/07/2008 17:52

I can see that it is not too nice to sit on your own - maybe they could have worked shifts! On the other hand, at least this is resulting from the smoking ban, so you do not have to sit surrounded by a bunch of puffing chimneys!

ChoChoSan · 09/07/2008 17:52

I can see that it is not too nice to sit on your own - maybe they could have worked shifts! On the other hand, at least this is resulting from the smoking ban, so you do not have to sit surrounded by a bunch of puffing chimneys!

CristinaTheAstonishing · 09/07/2008 17:59

On a rudeness scale of 1 to 10 I'd give it a 3 (mildly rude).

reethi96 · 09/07/2008 17:59

Very rude.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 09/07/2008 18:04

When I'm out with friend who smoke and a non smoker we always make sure we go in twos,we call it the fag dance. Especially tricky if you don't know some of the people there, that makes the moves more complicated.

piratecat · 09/07/2008 18:04

lmao @ winky winkola

''But a smoker is an addict and like all addicts really only cares about getting that urge seen to. ''

yes they are scum.

i smoke, it was really rude of them to do that.

DANCESwithLordPottingtonSmythe · 09/07/2008 18:06

Very rude. I would have been annoyed.

Onestonetogo · 09/07/2008 18:10

Message withdrawn

kitbit · 09/07/2008 19:18

Could have said "we're fancying a fag, do you want to come/do you mind/I'll go in a minute you two go on ahead". V rude.

PiusIX · 09/07/2008 22:17

Inevitable consequence of smoking ban.

I'm getting really fed up with other people's tiresomeness about smoking.