To refuse to cancel going out for Xmas dinner in these circumstances?

[NothingDefinite]

My family (mum and her partner, my sister and half sister and their families) are due to visit and stay with us for a few days over Xmas. We live about 150 miles from them so we alternate spending Christmas in the two places, although we always go out for Christmas dinner. My half sister doesn’t always join us but does sometimes and is this year.

We all agreed on the restaurant for Christmas Day a few months ago and I booked it. My half sister is now saying she can’t afford it and wants us to host Xmas dinner at home. We really don’t want to do that as we look forward to going out for it, not cooking and just relaxing.

I’ve suggested that she comes before or after Xmas for a day or two instead but she thinks that’s unfair and doesn’t see why we can’t just cook dinner at home. My mum is siding with her and it’s causing friction. Are we being unreasonable to not want to change our plans and not want to have to cook dinner ourselves when we were looking forward to going out?

I booked to go out for Christmas lunch at a popular restaurant. They hadn't announced their prices but was guessing £140 pp ish. Then they announce it would be
£185 pp- I cancelled. I'm not paying that price
for a Sunday roast with some pigs in blankets!

If I understand correctly and Christmas dinner is always at a restaurant, regardless of who is 'hosting', then you are absolutely not unreasonable to hold steady and refuse to change your plans. If others in the family foot the bill by preparing everything at their homes, then I'd say it's rather rude to expect people to pay a lot to eat out somewhere when they visit you—but it's still unacceptable for your half-sister to want everyone else to change their plans to suit her, and it's even worse that your mother and her partner expect you to pay for half-sister and her family. Why can't they (your mother and her partner) pay, if it's so easy?

Ignore it’s Christmas

you arrange a meal with your friends/family - agree the date and the restaurant and all pay a deposit knowing what the full price will me (@op does the 140’include all drinks?)

then a month and a bit before someone says they can’t afford it so can you, as the arranger, just cook dinner at home at your own expense? Or to save the lost deposits just pay their share instead?

it’s a massive unreasonable - the fact it’s Christmas is a red herring before you even add in hosting everyone at hers despite the fact no one hosts her at Christmas

Cheeky bastards! I'd be uninviting the lot of them.

‘Happy for you to host at home when it’s your turn, and it will be easier for you to
manage as you don’t have people staying with you. We will be keeping the dinner booking, families paying for themselves, please update by <date> if you’re not coming. I don’t think it’s at all fair for us to pay for others as we are hosts, we won’t be doing that, and some people seem to have forgotten we already cover lots of costs by having people stay at our house. Really quite unimpressed by the suggestion to have us host people staying with us and somehow because we are doing that we should also either cook a Christmas dinner or pay for the meal out we all have every year. Anyone suggesting that again won’t be staying at our house.’

You won’t get a meal out for £50pp on Xmas day unless you go to your local curry house. Triple that and you’ll be nearer. I can absolutely see that not everyone is going to be able to afford to splash out for Xmas meal for a family. You’re talking at least £500 for a family of four. But if I was in her shoes, I’d probably just opt out and have Xmas day with just my dh and kids.

@NothingDefinite
I think your mother has a very thick solid brass neck!
Let her pay for uncle Tom Cobley and all
If she wants them there that desperately.
You're probably seen as the "soft touch" who they thought would willingly roll over
Well Dont; stick to your guns
Because who knows what scheme will be thought up next year maybe??

Its funny how it's all about not what people eat but being together when it is the host that has to pay or do all the hosting

You always go out for Christmas dinner so unreasonable to change this. She agreed but now changing her mind. I would go ahead with your family , why should you host and cook for so many. Very cheeky to expect you to pay . Your Mother can host her if she wishes .

Is half sister offering to host Christmas dinner? No, I thought not.

She has the choice of staying at home and cooking Christmas Dinner for herself, DH & 3DC.

That’s the spirit… 🤦🏼‍♀️

Going out for Christmas Dinner sounds like heaven. It is such a brilliant tradition that you have in place.
Remind everyone how special and relaxing that is. Remind your mother and DHS that they are not paying for accommodation.

This is good I think!

In my case though, she knew the price and agreed.

Then absolutely not. Tell your mum if she’s siding with Dsis then she can pay for her. Sorry but they sound like CF’s.

If that was the case, I'd decline and say I couldn't afford it. Not expect the other person to pay for the whole family.

Have you decided how to approach this?

I would disinvite them all except your sister and family from the whole thing. Who thinks it's ok for one family to feed 15 people for more than one meal without contributing?

YANBU at all. Your mum is being very cheeky. Who’d cover the lost deposits? You are already presumably providing several other meals while they are staying, I don’t blame you wanting to relax for the main meal of the holidays.

If she can't afford the meal it's one of those things ,my sister eats out for Christmas day sometimes it's just too expensive for me and I prefer to be at home Christmas day anyway if she asked me I would decline but wouldn't expect her to cancel her plans

No-one on Christmas Day as, as all reasonable people know, you start to boil them on or around Nov 28th 😂

I noticed a couple of people saying book somewhere cheaper....good luck with that. Anywhere half decent has been booked up since late August. I have worked in the industry for years and if anywhere has a table free from October onwards then it is either due to a cancellation or they are crap. Take my word for it!

£140 a head ? For three people ?

No thats the sprouts!! The spuds go into the oven ten minutes before everything else is ready!

If you arent going to lose a deposit by cancelling now then cancel and let your half sister host. She is the one with the problem.

If you are going to lose a deposit ( I hope they have all paid you their part of the deposit) then do nothing - they either come for the meal or they dont.